Talk:Grace Voss Frederick/GA1
Latest comment: 1 year ago by PCN02WPS in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 21:36, 7 June 2022 (UTC)
Hi there, I'll be reviewing this nomination in the coming days. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 21:36, 7 June 2022 (UTC)
- Thanks PCN02WPS. Real life right now is a bit frantic, but if you ping me when the review is completed, I'll get on it ASAP, though it may take me a day or so. SusunW (talk) 21:55, 7 June 2022 (UTC)
Lead and infobox edit
- I've never seen this, so I don't know if there are guidelines surrounding this, but I don't believe it is necessary to include counties (where there is no ambiguity) to birth and death places in the infobox, especially with such well-known places as Yonkers, New York, and Phoenix, Arizona.
- "...she invented a machine, known as the "Threeplex" which allowed still background..." → comma after "Threeplex"
- "The machine was donated to Brigham Young University, after the couple's retirement" → remove comma
- "...located in Cave Creek, Arizona, contains..." → the link to Cave Creek, Arizona, should cover all of the text "Cave Creek, Arizona", rather than just "Cave Creek"
- "and $6 million" → use {{USD}} to change to "US$6 million" just to establish at first mention that we're working with US Dollars
Early life and education edit
- "Nepperham neighborhood of Yonkers, New York to Olga" → comma after "New York" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
- "Public School #3 in Manhattan" → "Public School No. 3 in Manhattan" per MOS:POUND
Career edit
Acting (1925–1933) edit
- "received praise for her portrayal of a young flapper intent" → link flapper
- "presenting pantomimes as part of an experimental program" → link pantomime
- "and also in 1932 for the George Washington bicentennial" → "and also in 1932 for the bicentennial of the birth of George Washington" to alleviate any potential confusion
Photography (1934–1963) edit
- "she opened a small studio on West 57th Street in Manhattan" → link 57th Street (Manhattan)
- "and employ five women assistants" → "five female assistants" sounds more natural to me
- "Voss allowed other photographers to use her dark room" → link darkroom
- "Initially, she produced background films, to depict scenes, for example like at a courtroom, hospital, prison, or other location." → This sentence confuses me; is it meant to say "Initially, she produced film backgrounds"? The wording also gets a little clunky and casual when listing examples, so I'd reword the second part of the sentence.
- "journalist Geoff Davidian of the Arizona Republic" → "journalist Geoff Davidian of The Arizona Republic"
Later life edit
- A small bit of detail on the purpose of the Cave Creek Association could potentially be helpful, just for context
- "dreaming of creating a museum of Americana" → link Americana (culture)
- It's linked in the lead, but Grace Museum of America should be linked again here
- "also known as javelina" → put this in parentheses
- Since peccary is linked, you could also link deer and mountain lion (which redirects to cougar)
- "recipient of the YWCA Tribute to Women honorees" → link YWCA
- Including the abbreviation for Daughters of the American Revolution is not necessary since the abbreviation is not used again in the article
Death and legacy edit
- "Frederick died in Phoenix, Arizona" → link Phoenix, Arizona and include a comma after "Arizona"
PCN02WPS Thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate your taking the time to help improve the article. Collaboration always makes it better. I note that the discussion of the photographs is included on the article talk page if you have questions about them. I think I have answered all of your queries, but if there are further issues, please just ping me. SusunW (talk) 14:00, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
- SusunW, all corrections look good to me (and rationale for the "female" vs. "women" is totally reasonable and I agree with you). I have made one minor additional change to the formatting of the cities in the infobox, but the article looks good to me other than that. All four images are listed as public domain, so no issues there. Referencing spot-checks look good as well so I'm happy to give this a pass. Well done! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 00:43, 18 June 2022 (UTC)