This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to join the project and contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
Frederick Galleghan is within the scope of WikiProject Australia, which aims to improve Wikipedia's coverage of Australia and Australia-related topics. If you would like to participate, visit the project page.AustraliaWikipedia:WikiProject AustraliaTemplate:WikiProject AustraliaAustralia articles
"Of West Indian extraction" I think this could be phrased a bit more explicitly-- "extraction" isn't common, at least to my American ears
Have stated "descent". That is the more common way of expressing it. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
Do we know what school(s) he attended?
Have added. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"The battalion then being formed in New South Wales, was" I think this comma is a bit out of place, but not positive
Yes, it was out of place, due to a comma being missed earlier in the sentence. I have added that now. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
You don't actually mention 'first world war' in the body at all-- maybe add a sentence like "When the First World War began..." to intro the section?
I've gone for tying it in with the raising of the AIF, does that work for you? Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"Now a sergeant" what does 'now' refer to here?
It was implying a promotion from corporal. I have more explicitly stated it. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"Galleghan would serve" not a fan of 'would' in these type articles-- could you rephrase to eliminate?
Seems a bit passive doesn't it? That's often a fault of my writing for some reason. Have revised. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"He would remain with this department " ditto
Have done. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"Four years later he would " ditto
Have done. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
" However, the following month, the brigade, and Galleghan's battalion with it, was transferred to the 8th Division" you may be able to eliminate some of the commas with something like "the brigade, and Galleghan's battalion with it, was transferred the following month to the 8th Division"
"was transferred to the 8th Division" so do we know where this was destined?
Have added. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"and accordingly implemented a rigorous training program." not really needed
Deleted. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
"Galleghan was disappointed to find that despite being the most senior of the battalion commanders in the brigade, Lieutenant Colonel Duncan Maxwell was to be the replacement." could read as either Galleghan or Maxwell was the most senior
Have rephrased for clarity. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
" was withdrawn to the rear by a pessimistic Maxwell." maybe specify either why Maxwell was pessimistic, what he was pessimistic about, or why it's relevant
I have revised this - Maxwell was essentially defeatist so that should be more clear now. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
:he departure of Major General Cecil Callaghan in July 1942." maybe clarify what 'departure' meant?
Have clarified. Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
That's it on prose, nicely done-- just a few minor suggestions. Will review sourcing &c shortly. Cheers, Eddie891TalkWork 02:03, 11 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
Thanks Eddie891, I have addressed the prose issues identified above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 03:58, 13 December 2020 (UTC)Reply