Talk:Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)

OK, this has been sitting for too long. Reviewing:

• Given that there's already a note about having an alternate title, it would be nice for the Japanese title interjection to go down to the note as well a la Children of Mana
• "the first title to be developed for the system, and the first title to appear on a handheld console" - if its the first handheld one, its by definition the first for the system. Should just be "the first title to appear on a handheld console".
• "Set on the fictional continent of Elibe, a continent dominated by humans in the wake of a war between humanity and dragons long ago." - fragment
• "developed for the GBA. Beginning development in 2001, one of the main goals for the developers" - repetition
• "releasing overseas ... released overseas" - maybe make the first one "released outside of Japan"
• "localization of its prequel" - since the prequel was developed after this one, maybe "2004 prequel"
• "a new difficulty is unlocked" - a new difficulty level?
• "buffing characters" - jargon
• "Advance Class" - not "Advanced Class"?
• "A child Manakete name Fae" - named
• The synopsis does not make clear whether this (or any) Fire Emblem games are connected to each other storywise, although the lead mentioned a prequel.
• "In its original form, The Binding Blade began development" - "In its original form" adds nothing and should be cut
• "When they were well into the development of Maiden of Darkness, changes to the internal development structure at Intelligent Systems resulted in the game's planning starting over again, despite a large portion of the game having been completed.[16] Another contributing factor was poor sales of the 64DD. The Nintendo 64 version was officially cancelled in 2000, and Maiden of Darkness was moved onto the Game Boy Advance, eventually to be renamed The Binding Blade." - this makes it sound like IS just dropped the game on a whim, (oh and also the system sold poorly), and then later on it was cancelled. Would read better as "When they were well into the development of Maiden of Darkness, the internal development structure at Intelligent Systems was changed, which combined with the poor sales of the 64 DD resulted in the game's development being restarted in 2000 for the Game Boy Advance.[16][19]"
• With that change, "The subtitle Maiden of Darkness remained in use as a working title up until 2001." becomes "The subtitle Maiden of Darkness remained in use as a working title up until 2001, when it became The Binding Blade."
• "The game was the first title on a portable console." - in the series
• "While development of a Fire Emblem title had been considered for earlier versions" - "of a handheld Fire Emblem title had been considered for earlier games"
• "with clear heroes and villains, and a clear objective" - double clear, make the second "obvious"
• "was designed to appeal to younger players, although he was also given a strong character" - although implies a contrast, which isn't present. "was designed to appeal to younger players, and was given a strong character"
• "The game was later released on Virtual Console for Wii U on September 2, 2015" - only in Japan, I assume?
• "101,800", "220,763", "345,574" - over-precise. Use wording like "Over 101,000/220,000/345,000"
• I know it's a Japan-only GBA game, but really? Only 3 reviews?
• "While Nintendo of America were willing to localize the title" - confusing, as you were just talking about FE7, and it's not clear that "title" in this case is TBB. Also, "was", not were.
• "it is variously called the 6th,[4] and 7th[5] entry" - no comma after 6th

That's all. If you intend to go for FAC at any point, it'll a need a more through copyedit; there's some phrasing throughout that's grammatically correct but awkward or stilted. --PresN 22:30, 21 February 2017 (UTC)

@PresN: Done my best to address all your points above. Sorry if I missed any of them. And yes, there's only three reviews from the staff of reliable websites out there. It's that obscure. I'm lucky to have found those. --ProtoDrake (talk) 23:12, 21 February 2017 (UTC)

Alright, promoting. --PresN 00:22, 22 February 2017 (UTC)