Talk:Eric Anthony Abrahams/GA2

Latest comment: 3 years ago by Eddie891 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:31, 8 September 2021 (UTC)Reply


Comments

  • Four para lead seems excessive in an article of this size, per MOS:LEAD.
  • I mean, yes it is but I'm just not sure exactly what to cut... Thoughts?
  • "Oxford Abrhams was" typo, and comma after Oxford...
  • Fixed both
  • Linked
  • The lead seems to have a lead. The first para seems to be summarising the next three paras...
  • I don't think it's uncommon to have the first paragraph give a brief outline of the most notable things a person did and allude to them again in the next two paragraphs.. It's what I did in my FA Fabian Ware, for instance. Is there something you'd specifically cut?
  • Is it "director of tourism" or "Director of Toruism"
  • de-capped and de-capped Minister of Tourism too.
  • "member of the Jamaican Senate (1977) and ... elected to the Jamaican Parliament in 1980, " the Jamaican Senate was part of the Jamaican Parliament??
  • house of reps
  • "officially for "personal reasons", though the actual reason is unclear. " why speculate here?
  • several newspapers have speculated similarly, speculation that has made it into secondary sources such as Bryan 2011
  • "against the Gleaner Company, and" overlinked.
  • fixed
  • "English at the University of the West Indies beginning in 1958. Abrahams graduated in 1961 with a Bachelor of Arts from the University of London." odd transition from UWI to UL, explain?
  • added explanatory footnote
  • "Illness rendered him unable" what illness?
  • Specified
  • "and a mediocre student. He was a Rhodes Scholar " these two sentences seem incompatible.
  • Yes, they do, but it's what sources such as tuck say...
  • Looking into this, based on the selection criteria that were being used when Abrahams was a student, his mediocre academics would likely have been more than made up for by his student leadership, athletics.
  • "Oxford,[5][3][6][7] where" four citations (out of order) for one fact?
  • Ordered, but the four citations are for the preceding five sentences -- some might still be removable
  • "caused him trouble in admission," what does that mean?
  • clarified
  • "St. Peter's" no full stop in St
  • removed
  • "debating society, beginning debates" repetitive, and the Oxford Union began debates a lot earlier... I get what you're saying, but rephrase.
  • better?
  • "elected president" should be explicit and note that presidents of the union served a single-term term.
  • added
  • "Around 1964 he gave a speaking tour across the Middle East" how did he do that as a student??
  • Unfortunately, Tuck gives no more detail, but I wonder if it was connected to the student conference he attended... Of course those dates don't line up, but I just don't know.
  • "got the BBC to provide funding" -> "secured funding from the BBC"
  • sure
  • "speakers[12] like Malcolm X, who" speakers including Malcolm X, who.... [12]"
  • done
  • "Ambassador of South Africa to the United Kingdom" link? And who was that?
  • "worked at the BBC, in " overlnked.
  • cut
  • "a coup in Ghana" link?
  • linked (it's just a redirect atm)
  • "interviewing François Duvalier in Haiti" context?
  • Sources don't specify
  • "London.[16][3][6] Abrahams" ref order.
  • done
  • "director of tourism" capitalised or not?
  • standardized to not

Halfway through the "Political career" section, plenty to be getting on with here. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 20:46, 9 September 2021 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for comments to date, replied to some-- requested some pages to Tuck for others-- I had it but my access expired Eddie891 Talk Work 13:03, 10 September 2021 (UTC)Reply
Thanks The Rambling Man, the above should be handled, with a few questions. I'm not particularly good at writing leads, so sorry for my ineptitude there... Eddie891 Talk Work 12:12, 11 September 2021 (UTC)Reply