Talk:Emilia Clarke/GA2
Latest comment: 4 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:49, 1 April 2020 (UTC)
Comments
- "screen debut in a short film, her television debut " debut quick-repeated.
- "Primetime Emmy Award " piped to a redirect back to itself.
- The single sentence in the lead re:Broadway looks a little weak, perhaps just say she also featured in a 2020 production too?
- "In 2018, She was" she
- "Clarke[1] was born on 23 October 1986[2][3] in London.[4]" move all refs to the end and unlink London.
- "father was ... mother is..." father dead? And mother is "as of 2020" (if that's valid).
- Three "she" sentences in a row, made worse due to their brevity.
- Drama Center London is overlinked.
- Eight "she" in about as many sentences in the Early career section is quite repetitive. Revisit all paras on this note, there are 69 instances of "she" here...
- "UK Star of Tomorrow" wasn't in quotes in the lead, be consistent.
- "role[10] as" avoid awkward ref placement.
- "The show ran from April 2011 until May 2019, with Clarke portraying Daenerys throughout all eight seasons of the show.[29]" no need to repeat "show" here.
- "three times for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series in 2013, 2015, and 2016" these are Emmys but that's not mentioned.
- "In 2019, she" Easter egg, try something like "At the 2019 Emmys..."?
- "She also had a" -> "She also made a"
- Sam Claflin is overlinked.
- " Clarke stated she got inspiration from" -> " Clarke said she was inspired by "
- "Bjorn Runge " needs a ö.
- "The premiere was pushed back to April 2020 ..." this probably needs updating.
- "joined SMA Trust team" the SMA Trust team? And it's odd to part link a formal title, you could just unlink it and go on to explain that the team works on Spinal muscular atrophy ?
- "appeared at London's Centrepoint Awards" in what capacity?
- "Royal College of Nursing." put (RCN) after before using the abbreviation.
- "over £83,817" odd phrasing, perhaps "over £83,000".
- Personal life section is a little clunky, lots of short paragraphs.
- "Clarke at the 2018 Cannes Film Festival." fragment, remove full stop.
- "Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series" overlinked.
- Avoid SHOUTING (e.g. CANNES) in the ref titles.
- Be consistent with linking in the refs, e.g. you link Rotten Tomatoes twice but not the third time.
That should be enough to be getting on with, so I'll put it on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 15:54, 1 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thank you The Rambling Man, I believe I addressed all of your GA comments. Please let me know if I missed anything. -- LuK3 (Talk) 19:39, 1 April 2020 (UTC)
- Citations @LuK3: I actually think we have a few too many citations on the page, I think we could streamline that a bit. There are four citations for her birth at the beginning, I don't think we need that much. Govvy (talk) 13:06, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
- Well as long as every element of the sentence is referenced by one citation, feel free to remove the surplus ones per WP:CITEKILL. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 13:29, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
- I had another read through and adjusted a few bits, there seems to be a lot of "In month year" statements, there is a lack of fluidity to the article, other than that, seems to read okay. Govvy (talk) 14:03, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
I made a few edits and now I'm happy to promote. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 07:28, 3 April 2020 (UTC)