Talk:Egypt at the 2012 Summer Olympics/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: NickGibson3900 (talk · contribs) 09:56, 10 October 2014 (UTC)

I'll review this — NickGibson3900 ^Talk 09:56, 10 October 2014 (UTC)

Response to previous review

Ok my summary is: The Rambling Man wants you to expand the lead but you don't want to put stuff in the lead that isn't in the article.

1. TRM is right you need a lead of 3-4 paragraphs per WP:LEADLENGTH

How you can fix this

You can:

1. Summarise the table in the Competitors section
2. Summarise the more successful sports for Egypt
3. Summarise the background section

Each of the these would be a paragraph. It shouldn't be to hard. You might ask where is point two in the article. Although it doesn't specifically talk about the more successful sports in does give the results and you can summarise those (you would mainly talk about the more successful sports for Egypt)

I'll do a full review once the lead has been expanded — NickGibson3900 ^Talk

@Canadian Paul: Sorry, forgot to ping. See above - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 06:22, 15 October 2014 (UTC)

@NickGibson3900: Actually, the jist was more that I felt that WP:IAR applied given the nature of the article, but your solution works for me nonetheless and improves the article, and your suggestions are quite helpful, so I'll accept the issue as having been decided by consensus and I have expanded the lead somewhat to three paragraphs. Canadian Paul 17:10, 16 October 2014 (UTC)

@Canadian Paul: Nice job!, I will do a full review in the next couple of days. - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 02:40, 18 October 2014 (UTC)

Full review

@Canadian Paul: Sorry about the with. I have been busy IRL. - NG39 (Used to be NickGibson3900)^Talk 02:33, 8 November 2014 (UTC)

Lead

• "...flagbearer in the opening ceremonies was Hesham Mesbah" - "...opening ceremony...' - Link Opening ceremony to 2012 Summer Olympics opening ceremony
• "while Karam Gaber captured silver in wrestling's men's Greco-Roman 84 kg event." Maybe rewire to "while Karam Gaber captured silver in the men's 84 kg Greco-Roman wrestling event."
• The second paragraph in the lead is underlined. - Link Summer Olympic Games, 1906 Intercalated Games, in equestrian at the 1956 Summer Olympics link "equestrian to Equestrian at the 1956 Summer Olympics and 1956 Olympics to 1956 Summer Olympics, 1984 Winter Olympics, Egyptian Olympic Committee, counterfeit, Nike, Egyptian Revolution of 2011, men's 85 kg event to Weightlifting at the 2012 Summer Olympics – Men's 85 kg, 2004 Olympic to 2004 Summer Olympics, "Egypt’s flag at the closing ceremony" (link closing ceremony to 2012 Summer Olympics closing ceremony)

Background

• You over link here - Per WP:LINK, links should appear at their first appearance in the text
• Link Chinese to China

Archery

• Key: Say what "W" and "L" mean.
• Key: Don't have "WR", "OR", "NR" of "DNS" as none of the Archers achieved any records and they all started

Athletics

• ...a veteran of the 200 m event..." - m -> metre
• change all other occurrences of "m" to metre/s
• Key: "Q" and "DNS" are the only ones needed

Badminton

• Unlink 2008 Summer Olympics. - It is linked further up in the text
• Key: "DNS" not needed
• Key: "L" need descriptions

Boxing

• Unlink 2004 and 2008 Summer Olympics - Linked further up
• Unlink 2007 Pan Arab - Linked further up
• Key: "DNS" - Not needed
• Key: "L" and "W" need descriptions

Canoeing

• Unlink 2011 All-Africa Games - Linked further up
• Key: Not needed at all

Equestrian

• Unlink 2008 Games - Linked further up
• Unlink 2011 Pan Arab Games - Linked further up
• Key: "DNS" not needed

Fencing

• Unlink 2011 Pan Arab Games
• "Along the way he defeated American..." - To qualify for the final he beat American...
• Unlink 2000, 2004, and 2008 editions
• Key: Say what "L" and "W" means.
• Key: Remove "DNS"

Football

• "This was their fifth time in eleven tournaments surviving the group stage." This was their fifth time in eleven tournaments that Egypt progressed out of the group stage.

Gymnastics

• Links need to be on the first occurrence. - Most of the links in the last sentence in paragraph one are mentioned in the second-last sentence in paragraph 1
• "...as the second- and third-placed..." - Remove the - after second
• Key: "DNS" not needed

Judo

• Unlink 2008 Summer Olympics
• "...had participated in the 2004 and 2008 Summer Olympics..." - Unlink 2004 and 2008 Summer Olympics
• Key: "W" and "L" descriptions needed
• Key: "DNS" not needed

• Ok that is about half. Once the above have been fixed I'll do the rest

@NG39:: I have now taken care of most of these; the only exceptions are that I left out a few of the links since I felt they were overlinking and did not remove links to most of the things you suggested in the individual sections because the majority lead to specific events, and are thus only appearing once, rather than the tournament at large. Oh, and I also didn't understand your first comment under "Gymnastics". Canadian Paul 17:11, 13 November 2014 (UTC)

The DNS note can actually be removed for all but the one instance it's used. FWIW, since the user vanished I'll do a skim of the remaining sections and conclude the review myself. Wizardman 01:02, 28 November 2014 (UTC)

I went ahead and took a look through what remained of the article and didn't really see any issues, though I did clean what was remaining on the DNS notes. As a result I'll pass this. Wizardman 22:36, 29 November 2014 (UTC)

Thanks so much for picking up the rest of this review @Wizardman:! Canadian Paul 17:08, 1 December 2014 (UTC)