Talk:Edgar Speyer/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by Brianboulton in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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I am reviewing this article and will report back soon. Brianboulton (talk) 10:20, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
Review edit
OK. This is a well-written and informative article which will easily meet the GA criteria when some of the points below have been addressed. Don't be put off by what may seem a long list—most of the items are minor, some are merely suggestions, and all can be dealt with quickly.
Lead
- "citizen" should not be capitalised
Financier
- There's a misplaced comma, which should be after "1887", not "Brothers"
- Done. Think there should be one after Brothers as well.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
- A comma is required after "United States"
- When you say "he became a naturalised British citizen" it reads as if "he" could refer to James. Needs clarification
- Comma required after "urban transport system"
- Give the year in which the UERL was established, also the year of the further shares issue which raised £18 million - otherwise we can't make sense of the present-day value.
- Comma required after "Yerkes died in 1905"
Done.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
- I would specify that the company was in a diffcult financial position.
Philanthropist
- Suggest you revise sentence in first para to: "The works were carried out in 1910 and 1911 by Detmar Blow and Fernand Billey; they..."
- Comma required after 1908.
- This is merely a suggestion. It looks odd to see Hugo Becker's name mixed in with the Premier League composers. He was primarily a cellist, not a composer, rather like, say, Yehudi Menuhin. I'd list the composers and add: "...and the German cellist and composer Hugo Becker. This is, I stress, just a suggestion
- Done, My knowledge of early 20th German music is not great. I prefer the baroque.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
- Another suggestion is that you could, if you wish, give the coordinates for Mount Speyer.
Anti-German pressures
- "With a background..." would be better as "Against a background..."
- Erskine Childers is generally known as just that, with the "Robert" - I didn't even know Robert was his first name
- Done. OK. I was trying to mark the distinction between him and his son Erskine Hamilton Childers.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
- In this context, "Press" would normally be capitalised (as in Speyer's letter)
- The statement: "It is doubtful whether it was possible for Speyer to resign from the Privy Council or as a baronet, there being no normal mechanism to do so" - requires citation
Revocation of naturalisation
- Comma required after Lord Lincolnshire-
- Speyer's naturalisation needs a lower case "n"
- In the numbered notes, the first words after the ndashes should not be capitalised unless they are proper names, e.g "– during his correspondence..."
- I assume that [41] covers all the information in the numbered notes. This could be made more explicit (e.g by repeating the reference at the ned of these notes). However, the last paragraph of the section has no citation after the first sentence, and needs to have at least one more.
- Done. Correct. And the whole last paragraph is based on the same source.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
Final years
- I suggest you combine these very short paragraphs into a single one.
Legacy
- I found the opening sentence a bit cumbersome as a single sentence, and think it needs subdivision and a little content rearrangement. My suggestion is "Speyer's two principal legacies are the three deep level tube lines of the London Underground, and the Promenade Concerts. The former may not have been built without the finance he raised with Yerkes, and would have struggled without his chairmanship. The latter would have failed in the early 20th century without his financial support".
- Reading the above, two things occur to me. First, "would have struggled without his chairmanship" needs a citation, otherwise it is opinion. Secondly, the Proms may have failed without his support—or another benefactor may have come along, we don't know. At the very least, the "may" should be inserted; perhaps this should be cited too?
- Done. I think ref [18], for which I have found a link to the original source, does the job for that.
- "London home" - no capital h.
That's it, really. The only other thing I'd say is that images are minimal at present. If you have FAC ambitions you will need to dig up some more pics, e.g. of his London house, or of some other aspect of his life. I don't know where you live, but you could possibly take your own pic of the Grosvenor Street property.
- I wasn't really thinking of this as a FA due to its length. I work in London, and the next time I am in Mayfair, I plan to set a picture.--DavidCane (talk) 19:59, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
- Well, I wouldn't write off the FAC route. The article is well written and properly referenced. It's over 2,000 words long, which is a lot longer than many of the hurricane articles which get put up all the time. Anyway, I'll do the GA promotion now; congratulations on a quality article. Brianboulton (talk) 23:10, 26 October 2008 (UTC)
Cheers, Brianboulton (talk) 14:21, 26 October 2008 (UTC)