Talk:Edgar Kain/GA1

Latest comment: 4 years ago by Eddie891 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)Reply

Hi, I intend to start reviewing this Friday or over the weekend Eddie891 Talk Work 21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)Reply

Earwig's has a pretty high percent, but it looks like the site it links to copied from us Eddie891 Talk Work 14:08, 19 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
Most of the duplication from the axis history forum site is from the early iteration of Kain's Wikipedia article. I'm not sure if that particular post on the axis history forum is supposed to be a "What if..." scenario but if not, then it has some grievous errors; it puts Kain in Finland for a few months in 1940 which never happened and gives a date of death that is two months out! Zawed (talk) 23:18, 19 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
Comments
  • do we know why he joined the RAF, as opposed to the Royal New Zealand Air Force, which would have been around based upon my understanding of dates?
  • It is not clear why Kain specifically joined the RAF over the RNZAF, but the former will have been seen as more glamorous at the time with better aircraft with the bonus of being able to see to more of the world. In the mid/late 30s the RAF was also doing an a bit of a campaign in the Dominions with various schemes to attract flying personnel so it would have also been well known as an option for young men wanting to fly. Zawed (talk) 06:55, 21 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • maybe explain what a fighter ace is defined as in this article somewhere?
  • "when the Battle of France and the Low Countries" I've never heard it called that, would suggest either 'battle of France' or 'German invasion of France and the Low Countries'
  • "He spent only three years at Christ's College and left in 1935 without graduating." do we know why?
  • "It was his intention to obtain an "A" pilot's licence " could you link somewhere or otherwise explain what an "A" pilot's licence is? I doubt a 'lay-reader' would be familiar with it
  • "short-term commission in the RAF" is this the same as the "short-service commission" referred to below? If so, perhaps standardise between the two
  • "By this time, his proficiency in aerobatics was becoming noted" was noted by who?
  • probably just my ignorance, but you say "he soon soloed in a Tiger Moth" and later "was soon flying the Blackburn B-2 trainer"-- what's the difference?
  • "Cobber, partly to distinguish him from one of his fellow pilots at the squadron, named Derek Kain, who was also a New Zealander and a distant relative. His nickname, New Zealand slang for a friend, was also a reflection of his friendly and outgoing nature" I'd recommend rearranging to put Cobber and "NZ slang for a friend" closer together
  • "The Munich Agreement resolved tensions " -> "the Munich Agreement in Date"? It was the same month unless I'm mistaken, so maybe 'at the end of the month' or just 'late september'?
  • "In fact, he had been promoted to flying officer earlier in the month" I thought he was already confirmed as a flying officer?
  • "By now Kain was flying as a section leader " I'm not aware of that rank-- perhaps you mean Squadron leader, perhaps it's a gap in my knowledge?
  • "there was little initial contact with the enemy during the winter months[...]Then, on 8 November". Unless I'm mistaken, there wouldn't really have been many winter months in France before 8 November (I don't think there would have been any)?
  • "on leave with Joyce Phillips" worth a red-link, or below WP:NFILM?
  • "Fortunately the flames went out " perhaps remove 'fortunately', seems a bit like editorializing
  • " In mid-March, he was informed of his impending award of the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC). The first such award to a pilot of Fighter Command, the DFC was in recognition of the action earlier in the month during which he had shot down his first Bf 109. However, he promptly took ill with German measles and was hospitalised for several days." suggest " In mid-March, he was informed of his impending award of the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC) in recognition of the action earlier in the month during which he had shot down his first Bf 109. It was to be the first such award to a pilot of Fighter Command. However, he promptly took ill with German measles and was hospitalised for several days." this will attach the reason to the DFC and make it clearer why 'however' is merited?
  • "expected fighting in France did not eventuate." not positive 'eventuate' is the best word here. My simplistic self would prefer 'emerge' or 'occur'
  • I find it odd you never link to Phoney War in the article body, despite mentioning it by name twice in the lede
  • IMO you don't really substantiate that he became "household name in Britain" in the article, merely that he was well-known

Very very nice article, just a few comments, most of which are subjective. Feel free to discuss/ask for clarification/disagree on any/all of these points. Best wishes, Eddie891 Talk Work 13:27, 20 June 2020 (UTC)Reply

Thanks for the review. I am presently working through the comments above and will indicate when completed/responded. Zawed (talk) 06:55, 21 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
Eddie891, I have finished off the revisions resulting from your review and have responded as above. My edits are here. Hopefully it is good to go now. Thanks for your time in providing the feedback, much appreciated. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 09:05, 21 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
Zawed, Thanks, I think the article is much better. Give me a bit to check referencing and other things and I'll comment back here soon Eddie891 Talk Work 14:06, 22 June 2020 (UTC)Reply
Assuming good faith on offline sourcing, Heavy reliance on Burns, but I don't see that as a problem for GA, the source appears reliable. All sourcing appears reliable, and all references I spot-checked supported the text they should. I'm by no means an image whiz, but they all seem to be appropriately licensed. This article meets the criteria discussed earlier in the paragraph, and otherwise meets the GA criteria. Passing. Best wishes, Eddie891 Talk Work 14:19, 22 June 2020 (UTC)Reply