Talk:Earthshot Prize/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: MSincccc (talk · contribs) 18:12, 19 April 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Tim O'Doherty (talk · contribs) 14:50, 31 May 2024 (UTC)

Lead

• "'waste-free living', and 'climate action'" - don't need the Oxford comm

 Done

• Introduce Attenborough

 Done

• "Prince William and Attenborough" - drop Prince

 Done

Background and launch

• What's the rationale behind the massive quote at the start?

Could you please elaborate further? Should it be rephrased or removed?

• "crucial decades for the environment [..] We must have some hope" - MOS:..., should be "crucial decades for the environment. ... We must have some hope"

 Done

• "to be given to five individuals or organisations who provided impactful and sustainable solutions for the planet's environmental problems between 2021 and 2030" - open to misinterpretation: five people/organisations over the 10 year span, or each year for ten years? Finding solutions for the planet's problems between 2021 and 2030, finding solutions for the problems that existed between 2021 and 2030, or the prize to be awarded between 2021 and 2030? Needs a rework.
• "cited the work of his grandfather Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, father King Charles III" - why is it "Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh" but not "Prince William, Duke of Cambridge"? Charles isn't king by this point. "father" -> "his father".

 Done

• Inconsistent between "the prize" and "the Prize".
• "former US President John F. Kennedy" -> "the former American president John F. Kennedy"

 Done

• "launched the project in October 2020, with a prize budget of £50 million" - not separate points: "in October 2020 with a prize budget of £50 million"

 Done

• "To commemorate the launch, William" - ditto, the comma shouldn't be here

 Done

• "Prince William and Attenborough both appeared" - repetition, "the pair" or similar is fine

 Done

• "detailed the importance of environmental work" -> quite a fuzzy and vague phrase: a bit of detail would be nice
• "In July 2022, it was announced" - drop comma

I would have dropped it had only the year been mentioned. When the month has been mentioned, we don't drop it. I have checked with the other articles.

• "The Royal Foundation" - T -> t

 Done

• "the Earthshot Prize had become" - don't need the full name again: it's like writing "Paul McCartney" or "Eric Cantona" at every instance in their biography in place of "McCartney" or "Cantona". Just "the prize" or "the organisation" is fine.

 Done

• "Zoë Ware, and Jean-Christophe Gray" - comma again

 Done

• "Jacinda Ardern later joined the board" - introduce her: "the former prime minister of New Zealand" or similar

 Done

• "later joined" - an idea of time would be useful: "joined the year later" etc

 Done

• What has the last paragraph got to do with the launch? Should be moved or merged into the next section: "Management and funding"?

 Done

Funding

• "Conservation International, and the Bezos Earth Fund" - ditto

 Done

• "In an interview about the Earthshot Prize broadcast on 14 October 2021, William told the BBC's Newscast about the rise in "climate anxiety" among younger generations, and suggested that rich entrepreneurs should be "trying to repair this planet, not trying to find the next place to go and live"." - what has this got to do with funding?

 Done Removed it. William's statement, although relevant to the overall context of environmental concerns and the ethos behind the Earthshot Prize, does not pertain to its funding mechanisms. It could be more appropriately placed in another section. What do you suggest?

Categories and nomination process

• "In September 2023, ahead of the second Earthshot Prize Innovation Summit in New York City, animal rights and climate activist, Genesis Butler, partnered with Generation Vegan to request the Prince of Wales to add an "Advance a Plant-Based Food System" category, matching the sum that the other five category winners receive.[24]" - did anything come of this? If not, why is it relevant?

More to come. Tim O'Doherty (talk) 14:50, 31 May 2024 (UTC)

@Tim O'Doherty Thanks for taking the article up for GAR. I would be addressing your comments soon. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 15:18, 31 May 2024 (UTC)

What's the rationale behind the massive quote at the start? @Tim O'Doherty Do you want me to remove it or modify it? Please let me know of your thoughts on this. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 05:45, 4 June 2024 (UTC)

Earthshot Prize Council

• wide range of varying sectors dedicated towards positive action in the environmental space - word salad. Don't need both "wide" and "varied" or "positive" and "space". "range of sectors dedicated towards environmental action" would be much tighter.
•  Done
• Cate Blanchett, David Attenborough, Ernest Gibson, Hindou Oumarou Ibrahim, Indra Nooyi, Jack Ma, Luisa Neubauer, Naoko Yamazaki, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Stella McCartney - introduce these people.
•  Done
• To commemorate Earth Day 2021, the Council published an open letter in The Times, urging the public and communities to help with accelerating the fight against climate change - what's the relevance here? Is the open letter that significant?
• Removed
• Luisa Neubauer and Ernest Gibson - introduce
• They have been introduced in the paragraph above.
• were presented by Prince William and David Attenborough - "William and Attenborough"
•  Done

Earthshot Prize Global Alliance

• In September 2021, it was - drop comma

I would have dropped it had only the year been mentioned. When the month has been mentioned, we don't drop it. I have checked with the other articles and mentioned this previously as well (see above).

• will help "scale up" ideas - it's been over two years - can we have an update?
• Fellowship Programme - why the capitals? Alternatively you could do "The Fellowship Programme, lasting nine months, was launched in 2022 ..."
• with various businesses and organisations that are part of the Earthshot Prize Global Alliance - again, you don't need "various" if you tell us which ones later in the sentence.
• Since 2022, the Earthshot - comma
• The OED does not recommend doing so in this case.
• In May 2023, the Earthshot Prize - same

See the dual responses above

• In May 2023, the Earthshot Prize announced a two-year partnership with YouTube, which would include "co-branded campaigns, events and creator collaborations". In July 2023, Prince William joined with YouTube channel Sorted Food to serve veggie burgers from a food truck in London. The burgers were made and served with items sourced from the 2022 winners. In March 2024, the Earthshot Prize Launchpad was initiated as a matchmaking platform to connect Earthshot winners and innovators with investors and philanthropists. - out of place in this section.

It's part of the activities with regard to the Earthshot Prize Global Alliance. Where else in the article could it be placed? Looking forward to knowing from you.

More to come. Tim O'Doherty (talk) 14:44, 8 June 2024 (UTC)

@Tim O'Doherty I have tried to address your comments in an effective matter. Looking forward to your response. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 17:04, 8 June 2024 (UTC)

2021 Award winners and nominees

• "The location of the ceremony will alternate each year." - not relevant to the section
• " The 2021 Earthshot Prize ceremony took place on 17 October 2021" - repetitive: "the ceremony" is fine
• "Alexandra Palace, and was broadcast" - comma
• You give the venue as Alexandra Palace but you don't say where it is: London. Not everybody knows where it is and it should be added.
• "Emma Thompson, Emma Watson, David Oyelowo and Mohamed Salah" - introduce them: actress, actress, actor, footballer
• "60 cyclists pedalling on bikes provided the power for music performances" - per MOS:NUMNOTES this should be "sixty", but the sentence reads oddly as well: a bit more information would be good. What was it powering? Lights, speakers, instruments? How was it converted? etc...
• "None of the celebrities flew to London and the stage was built using non-plastic material" - I'm guessing the focus here is on the flying and not London, but it doesn't seem like it the way it's written. "None of the celebrities travelled to London by plane" would be better. What material specifically?
• "All of the guests were advised to choose environmentally appropriate outfits" - what makes an outfit "environmentally appropriate"?

Tim O'Doherty (talk) 14:39, 15 June 2024 (UTC)

@Tim O'Doherty Thank you for your time and suggestions. I have addressed all your comments. Looking forward to knowing your thoughts. Regards. MSincccc (talk) 17:01, 15 June 2024 (UTC)