Talk:Dream of Love (Adventure Time)

Dream of Love (Adventure Time) has been listed as one of the Media and drama good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: March 3, 2017. (Reviewed version).

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GA Review edit

Latest comment: 7 years ago14 comments2 people in discussion

This review is transcluded from Talk:Dream of Love (Adventure Time)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Juliancolton (talk · contribs) 02:15, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

Hi there, I'll take a look at the article and see how it stands up against the GA criteria. I don't review many entertainment GANs, so if I'm way off-base with any of my suggestions, please let me know!

the episodes helped make the network the number one television destination for boys aged 2–11, 6-11, and 9-14 on Monday nights - Seems unnecessarily promotional in tone (also, be sure that your dashes are consistent... this applies to the "Reception" section as well).
I have modified it to read: "Together with other episodes of Cartoon Network programming, 'Dream of Love' helped the network rank as the number one television destination for boys aged 2–11, 6-11, and 9-14 on Monday nights." I hope that's a little less PR-y, but it is what the source says.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
resounding presentation of the nature of relationships - I'm not quite sure what "resounding" means in this context. Is there a more precise term you can substitute?
How is "original and effective"?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
All the characters should have links to their articles or subsections in List of Adventure Time characters.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
No need to link apple pie.
Done.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
"fail miserably" is not the most encyclopedic wording.
Changed to "but they ultimately fail".--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Be sure to use standard English ISO/IEC 646 characters (like straight apostrophes instead of curly).
Good catch. I believe I've caught all the errant curly punctuation marks.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Finn and Jake are beyond the point of worrying - Worrying about what?
Changed to: "Finn and Jake are beyond the point of worrying about how Tree Trunks and Mr. Pig choose to act".--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
It isn't made very clear that the story continues after Princess Bubblegum's concert. The A.V. Club review does a better job of summarizing the plot overall, I think... the "Plot" section could do with a bit more detail.
Is this expansion better? I don't want it to be too long, since this is only an 11 minute episode.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Ref 10: "public displays of affection can make people uncomfortable, but people also shouldn’t have to restrain their love for each other based on how society feels." Article test: "public displays of affection can make people uncomfortable, but that people should not have to restrain their affection based on the whims of public". That paraphrasing is a little too close for comfort.
How is "Despite this, Sava complimented the show for exploring the idea that while public displays of affection may cause some to feel uneasy, people should not have to restrain their affection for others so as to appease the public."?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply
Citation authors should be consistent between "firstname lastname" and "last, first".
I believe I have fixed this.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

Otherwise, things look pretty good. The sole image is freely licensed and appropriately captioned, the article's history is stable, and the real-world info is probably about as comprehensive as we're going to get. Placing the article on-hold for now to allow for the above suggestions to be addressed, and I look forward to listing it as a good article in the near future. – Juliancolton | ^Talk 02:15, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

@Juliancolton: How do the changes look so far?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:23, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

Much better, thanks for the quick response and adjustments. I made a few minor wording tweaks, but if you disagree with any of them or I've inadvertently changed the meaning of anything, revert at will. I'm still not in love with "number one television destination", but I see that comparable existing GAs use the same wording, so I won't let it stand in the way. Passing the article now - nice work! – Juliancolton | ^Talk 16:59, 3 March 2017 (UTC)Reply

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