Talk:Don Demeter/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: LM150 (talk · contribs) 11:41, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

Happy to review this, and good job so far! It was a good read and I did not see any major issues with the prose. Here are my comments/feedback:

Lead

• Unlink "American" in the first sentence
• "pool-building business" - might need to be clearer, building water pools or pool tables? (same for in the personal life section)

Early life

• Unlink "baseball", "basketball" and "football". These are all common terms and not very useful to general readers

Minor league career

• "Back in the States" - should be U.S or United States

Philadelphia Phillies

• "1962 was a breakout season" - avoid starting the sentence with a number
• 1963 season - should we switch the order of the last two paragraphs? Eg. 1965 interview at the end
• "Sievers was dealing with a broken rib" - perhaps "Sievers had a broken rib"

Detroit Tigers

• "didn't get the chance" - should be 'did not'
• Just a general observation - all over the article, we refer to his surname "Demeter" quite a lot. You might be able to swap a few for the pronouns "he" and "him" instead. Thanks, LM150 11:41, 21 March 2021 (UTC)

Thanks for making the changes, I made a few copyedits too. Images and sources look fine. No copyright violations detected. Stable. Y Congrats, now passing! LM150 22:16, 25 March 2021 (UTC)