Talk:Delorentos/GA1

GA Review

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Hey, it's Garden here. This will be my first GA review for about a year, so apologies in advance if I get it wrong. I'll leave you the arbitrary seven days but as you've been waiting so long for this review (hell, you've probably forgotten who this band are :P ) I'm more than willing to adjust. Nice work so far though.  GARDEN  21:22, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Nice work, I'm happy to pass this now. Well done!  GARDEN  22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Overall

• The headings look pretty POV to me. Perhaps "In Love with Detail" instead of "Further success"?
• Discography - this table requires mdashes to show there was no placement in the charts
• Quite a lot of commas missing
• Watch ref placement, i.e. [2][5] rather than [5][2]

Lead

• They consist of... - I presume you mean consisted
• Two EPs were also released - maybe best to explain what an EP is with a long name and a link for the fist mention
• hit singles - a bit POV?
• support slots - link please?
• Before their demise - sorry, did they die or something? :P
• Then on 17 February 2009 - needs a reword or a comma, perhaps "However, on 17 February 2009", linking from the previous sentence.

Career

Early career

• The four members of Delorentos were each in different bands before - Doesn't read well, perhaps try Each of the band members were in bands prior to Delorentos or something. Also, and this might be impossible I know, a source might be nice. Not essential though
• from an older band which a couple of them were in - reads informally
• This section is bloomin' hard to make any sense of. Try to group band member histories together in order to reduce the name spaghetti.
• in the early days - when?

Breakthrough

• The EP - very ambiguous, try Their first release, the EP or similar
• gathered some cash - again, informal
• straight to #1 - try number one per MOSNUM (somewhere)
• annual Other Voices music show - argh! The refs aren't in order! This happens quite a lot in this section. (that's a pet peeve, address if you like, I'm not that bothered :P)
• #14 - again, perhaps should be number fourteen
• As part of their prize they - needs a comma, As part of their prize, they. Looking at the rest of this section there should be several commas that have been missed
• U.S. dates - should be US dates

Further success

• I've already moaned about this heading, I think
• #7 - more MOSNUM issues :P
• #34 - That's correct, in case you think I'm going to say that for every number
• a couple of dates - should really be two dates or several dates
• The Irish Times noted their performance - already linked only two sentences previous
• was selected by The Irish Times as the best by an Irish act at the event - reads quite poorly
• by informing the reader that - perhaps a reword necessary?

Split

• “these are strange times - why the weird speech marks?
• neighbours - did they live next door? Or are they fellow Dubliners?
• This "gig or two" - used twice in succession it looks informal
• blogger UnaRocks, John Walshe of State, Jonnie Craig and others - are all of these notable enough to mention?

Style and influences/Awards

• catchy guitar sound - is there a NPOV way of saying this?
  • attractive isn't NPOV :P I'll have a gander though.
• the band's set - Erm, what's a set? A setlist?

Future improvements

• PHOTOS - although I'm sure you thought of that.
• Can't really think of anything else. I'm sure you'll improve it in ways I'll never think of :P  GARDEN  22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
  • Yes, I had thought of that actually... perhaps if they hang around long enough to play Oxegen again... --candle•wicke 13:28, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Done. --candle•wicke 21:47, 26 May 2009 (UTC)