Talk:DeShawn Sims/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by Crossmr in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- I feel that the grammar needs some clean-up, some sentences read a little awkwardly. For example the first paragraph of the body has 2 different sentences starting with "as a senior" and 1 long sentence which uses a who clause twice. In this sentence: , his brother Marcus Pruitt who was a 6 ft 11 in... I believe the , should be after his brothers name. I've always understood the information in between commas to be optional. If you take it out, the sentence should still make sense, in this case it doesn't. The words "As a..." are repeated a lot through this article. I'd recommend some variety. "In his sophomore year", "in the following year", "in the next season" etc. Make sure people can still easily figure out which year we're talking about, but the way its currently written feels repetitive.
- I hope this is now what you want.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:23, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- I feel that the grammar needs some clean-up, some sentences read a little awkwardly. For example the first paragraph of the body has 2 different sentences starting with "as a senior" and 1 long sentence which uses a who clause twice. In this sentence: , his brother Marcus Pruitt who was a 6 ft 11 in... I believe the , should be after his brothers name. I've always understood the information in between commas to be optional. If you take it out, the sentence should still make sense, in this case it doesn't. The words "As a..." are repeated a lot through this article. I'd recommend some variety. "In his sophomore year", "in the following year", "in the next season" etc. Make sure people can still easily figure out which year we're talking about, but the way its currently written feels repetitive.
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- do we have anything more on his personal life beyond his brother being shot?
- This is a very young athlete who has not been extensively profiled. There is not really that much more other than his nickname.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:24, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- do we have anything more on his personal life beyond his brother being shot?
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars etc.:
- No edit wars etc.:
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- I feel like 5 images for such a short article is a bit excessive. These are basically 2 part actions shots and its probably better to choose a single image from each pair and use just that one.
- In the high school section, the double stack helps fill in whitespace at high resolution screen settings. I see below you describe whitespace as a nuisance. Thus, the only place where I would remove one would be the college section and I don't really think two pictures is overdoing it for his college career.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:36, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- I feel like 5 images for such a short article is a bit excessive. These are basically 2 part actions shots and its probably better to choose a single image from each pair and use just that one.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- I'll put this on hold for now. I also feel the giant white space in the middle of the article (1920x1200) is distracting. Is this second info box which is more notes and clarification than info box really necessary and does it need to be placed there if it is?--Crossmr (talk) 07:32, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- I am not so sure I would describe it as an infobox. It is a recruiting summary template. In its current form, I have no control over where it is placed horizontally. The only thing I could do would be remove the second image. In high resolution screen displays this would add more whitespace. In low resolution settings even this would do nothing.
- Not entirely true. You might not be able to edit the template to change it directly but you can constrain it and the images placement with an invisible table for formatting purposes. Using that you should be able to move the template and images around to minimize the whitespace. See some of the advanced examples here: Help:Table. After another pass, I think this is sufficient to be a good article, but to further improve the article the layout should definitely be improved if possible.--Crossmr (talk) 22:07, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- I am not so sure I would describe it as an infobox. It is a recruiting summary template. In its current form, I have no control over where it is placed horizontally. The only thing I could do would be remove the second image. In high resolution screen displays this would add more whitespace. In low resolution settings even this would do nothing.
- I'll put this on hold for now. I also feel the giant white space in the middle of the article (1920x1200) is distracting. Is this second info box which is more notes and clarification than info box really necessary and does it need to be placed there if it is?--Crossmr (talk) 07:32, 27 January 2009 (UTC)
- Pass/Fail:
