Talk:David Hale (baseball)/GA1
Latest comment: 2 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 03:01, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 03:01, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
Lead edit
- Link infielder on first mention
- No comma needed after bullpen
- ”He was designated for assignment” – “Hale was designated for assignment” to avoid possible misreading.
- Don’t need comma after April 2016
- ”Yankees and Twins, but, after” – End the sentence after Twins, take out the but, and start the next sentence with After
- The part about him being traded to make room for A. J. Cole isn’t mentioned later in the article. Either add it in or take it out entirely, as the lead is supposed to summarize what comes later.
Early life edit
- Link infielder on first mention
- ”He was primarily an infielder, and committed to play” – “Primarily an infielder, Hale committed to play”
- ”began to pitch for Walker, and began to draw the interest” – “began to pitch for Walker, drawing the interest”
College career edit
- ”at Princeton”, - I don’t think you actually need the comma at all here.
- ”earning three hits” – “recording three hits”
- Also, link hit on first mention
- ”Later that season, Hale pitched a complete game win in the first game of a doubleheader against Cornell University. Although Princeton won the first game 7–5, they lost” – You can cut down on the words a bit by saying “Later that season, Hale pitched a complete game in the first game of a doubleheader against Cornell University. Although Princeton won 7–5, they lost”
- Don’t need comma after innings in that sentence
- You refer to at-bats with a hyphen in some places and without in others. Both are correct, but pick one for consistency’s sake.
- Date of the University of Delaware victory?
- ”Hale held to a” – “Hale posted a”
- Link strikeouts on first mention
- ”for holding to a 0.00 ERA” – “for posting a 0.00 ERA”
- ”For the week of April 28” – “During the week of April 28”
Minor league career (2009-2013) edit
- Link error
- ”climbing to a 7.99 ERA” – “seeing his ERA climb to 7.99”
- Date of the game against Salem?
- Also, don’t need a comma after Red Sox
- Don’t need to link complete game here, since it is already linked earlier.
- ”He went 8-4” – “Hale went 8-4” to avoid possible misreading
- ”between July 20 and August 1, and kept to a 2.00 ERA” – “between July 20 and August 1, posting a 2.00 ERA”
- ”At the time of his recall to the majors” – “With Gwinnett” – Since Hale was called up on September 5, it is safe to say his minor league season was over.
- ”He additionally recorded” – this is just nit-picky, but don’t need additionally.
Atlanta Braves (2013-2014) edit
- ”against the San Diego Padres, the most of any Braves pitcher in his debut, but the Braves went on to lose the game 4–3.” – “against the San Diego Padres. Though this was the most of any Braves pitcher in his debut, the Braves went on to lose the game 4–3.”
- ”was when Venable batted against Ross Ohlendorf of the Pittsburgh Pirates and Washington Nationals” – “were two instances when Venable batted against Ross Ohlendorf” – That way, people won’t read this and accidentally think Ohlendorf was with two teams at once.
- ”in relief for the Braves' 2–1 loss” – “in relief during the Braves’ 2-1 loss”
- ”named as the” – “named the”
- ”fourth starter, as part of a five-man” – “fourth starter in a five-man”
- It doesn’t look like Hale was actually the closer. He finished 13 games but never recorded a save. Maybe switch this to the total number of relief appearances he made.
Colorado Rockies (2015) edit
- ”the offseason signing” – “the later signing”
- ”He was assigned” – “Hale was assigned”
- ”to begin 2015 and steadily improved over the early part of the season” – “to begin 2015, where, after a rough start, his performance steadily improved.”
- ”on June 2, 2015 and pitched” – “on June 2, pitching that day”
Minor league journeyman (2016–2018) edit
- ”starts and raising his ERA to 5.71, but found his stride on August 1, when he” – “starts and seeing his ERA rise to 5.71. However, on August 1, he”
- Don’t need comma after 2017 season
- ”another minor league contract with the Dodgers” – “another minor league contract, this time with the Dodgers.”
- Don’t need comma after 4.74 ERA
- ”In three of his starts” – “In three of Hale’s starts” – then change “caught for Hale” to “caught for him.”
Hanwha Eagles (2018) edit
- No corrections here, just wanted to commend you on finding so much information about his time in Korea. This stuff is often a pain in the neck to find!
New York Yankees (2019-2020) edit
- ”He started with” – “He started the season with” and you already make clear later on that he started as a starter.
- ”designated Hale for assignment to make room on the postseason roster for Aaron Hicks and CC Sabathia” – “designated Hale for assignment when Aaron Hicks and CC Sabathia were added to the postseason roster” Since Hale wasn’t designated for assignment to make room for both of them. Or, you could see if you can find a source that makes clear whether Hicks or Sabathia was coming off the 60-day DL (the one you’ve got now doesn’t say).
Philadelphia Phillies (2020–present) edit
- Maybe put the combined stats between Philadelphia and New York?
- ”deal with the Phillies” – “deal to remain with the Phillies”
- ”would regularly be able” – “would not regularly be able”
- You’ll need to find another source for this (such as Baseball-Reference), but I would point out that Hale only allowed one run in three innings in the 6-0 loss.
Pitching style edit
- ”When signing him to the Phillies, manager Joe Girardi referred to Hale as” – “When the Phillies signed Hale, manager Joe Girardi referred to him as”
- I would take out the last sentence. If Hale stays with the team a while, this could change, and it’s probably not going to be worth that much of a mention as his career continues to progress.
Personal life edit
- ”Their first child together, Calder,” – “Their first child, Calder,” unless we have evidence he had another child.
- ”during the offseason, and graduated in 2011” – “during the offseason, graduating in 2011”
- Take out “Although” at the start of the second sentence and put “but” before Hale’s thesis advisor. Then, end the sentence at instead and start a new one.
References edit
- For ref 8, list Princeton University as the publisher to be consistent with the other refs.
- Make sure ref 22 is formatted the same way as the other Atlanta Journal-Constitution refs
- If Internet Archive is working, might want to archive ref 51, since MLB.com only seems to keep articles around for a few years.
- Looks good, mostly minor changes! Let me know once you’ve made them! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 03:52, 18 June 2021 (UTC)
- In spite of last night's game, I can't find anything wrong with this article now and must pass it! :) Excellent work! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:45, 20 June 2021 (UTC)