Talk:David Berman (musician)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Artem.G (talk · contribs) 20:05, 5 July 2021 (UTC)

Hey, I will be reviewing this article. Please expect comments in the next few days. Artem.G (talk) 20:05, 5 July 2021 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
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Questions/comments

• He then undertook rehab, engaged with Judaism and embarked on the band's first tour with his then-wife, Cassie Berman. - he was married once, do we need this 'then-wife'?
• Adopting a new band name, Purple Mountains, he released an eponymous debut album, that July. - sounds clumpsy. Maybe "Berman adopted a new band name, Purple Mountains, and released an eponymous debut album in July." would be better?
• He died by suicide in August. - why not 'committed'?
• Nationality American - he was born in US and died in US, seems to be no doubt that he was American. i generally oppose using 'Nationality' if the person was born and spent his/her entire life in the same country.
• In 1989, they adopted the moniker Silver Jews, recording discordant tapes in their living room.[10][2] - refs should be swapped.
• Berman remaining the only constant; its principal songwriter and "main creative driver".[3][13][5] - same
• Working in this environment influenced him artistically.[10] - how influenced?

  Removed - it seemed to a remnant from an earlier draft, either way it's place was tenuous. DMT biscuit (talk) 10:46, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

• On the band's early recordings, Malkmus and Nastanovich used aliases.[11] - what aliases did they use?

  The source only lists Malkmus' - do you think it should be mentioned either way or left as is?

  Only if you think that it's important. It seems to be a minor detail, maybe it can be moved to a note?

• By October 1994, the 'Jews had enough material for their debut, - should probably be 'Jews'?
• was affected by the death of various friends of his - deaths?
• on the composition of "The Natural Bridge" in and After The Natural Bridge, Berman decided that he wanted Malkmus and - inconsistent usage of "", or maybe I'm missing something?
• That same year, his friend Robert Bingham, who died of a heroin overdose.[31] - should it be That same year his friend Robert Bingham died of a heroin overdose.[31]?
• which made him "a daily pot smoker." to - redundant period.
• In 2005, Berman worked alongside, his friend,[34] no need for a comma before 'his friend'
• He also revealed that HBO - HBO can be wikilinked, as well as Reddit
• Berman worked with, German artist, - redundant comma.
• "There were probably 100 nights over the last 10 years where I was sure I wouldn't make it to the morning".[51][43] - ref order
• Yonatan Gat, Dan Auerbach, Jumbotron can be wikilinked
• Purple Mountains was worked on with Woods and, personal friend, Dan Auerbach.[28] - personal is redundant here
• as an embrace and "entire panorma" of - panorama
• Associated Press's Mark Kennedy, and Kornhaber and noted the influence of Berman's lyrical style and manner of delivery - sounds clumsy
• which saw Berman's musical approach simplified and the band move further towards a country sound.[7][26][4] , Berman understood his musical abilities were limited.[7][6][17], his register, baritone.[13][7][84][31] , and themes of Americana, absurdism, and everyday melancholy.[86][83][46] , as he found poetry offered too much freedom.[17][15] It was, ultimately, his music for which he was more known for; fans and critics similarly complimentary.[88][47] - ref order
• he and Cassie's performances were often symbiotic; - his?
• caption 'Cassie and Berman in 2008' - maybe it would be better 'Cassie and David', they were both Berman
• Notes can be moved from this level === Notes ===, so it wouldn't appear as part of Bibliography.

In my opinion, this article is very close to GA. I will look through the refs next, but I see no major problems right now. Artem.G (talk) 05:58, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

@Artem.G: Issues have been resolved; there's albeit one point of inquiry. DMT biscuit (talk) 11:49, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Thanks for quick response! Artem.G (talk) 16:17, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Refs

• ref 4, https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/23/magazine/david-berman-death.html,%20https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/12/23/magazine/david-berman-death.html - page not found

I fixed it, it was easy, I didn't realize it somehow :) Artem.G (talk) 16:21, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

• refs 32 and 81 are the same (Sackllah, David (August 8, 2019). "Remembering David Berman, An Artist Who Often Approached Perfection")

I've checked 20 or 30 refs, and everything seems to be ok. The sources are reliable, and I saw nothing wrong, all quotations are appropriate and valid.

So, please remove duplicated link, and maybe do something with that sentence about aliases (though it's up to you, it would be fine either way), and I think I'll pass the article as a GA. Artem.G (talk) 16:17, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

@Artem.G: Issues resolved. Thanks for the thorough review. DMT biscuit (talk) 16:38, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Thanks for your work, it's GA now! Artem.G (talk) 16:59, 6 July 2021 (UTC)

Question

From the lead " and undertook the band's first tour with his wife, Cassie Berman." The bands first tour, or their first tour with his wife. Also the word "undertook" is a press release cliché (same for 'embarked' etc), can we avoid pls. Ceoil (talk) 11:10, 21 August 2021 (UTC)

@Ceoil: Fixed; it was the band's first tour - which happened to feature Cassie. Simple comma seemed to have been the remedy. Dang, Dangling modifier. DMT Biscuit (talk) 14:19, 21 August 2021 (UTC)