Wikipedia

Talk:Cyclone Kalunde/GA1

< Talk:Cyclone Kalunde
Latest comment: 11 years ago by Hurricanehink in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit
Latest comment: 11 years ago39 comments2 people in discussion
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 17:21, 16 April 2013 (UTC)Reply

  • I'd link to named storm in the 2nd sentence in the lede.
  • "Kalunde attained cyclone intensity the next day" - might want to link to tropical cyclone scales or something, and it's tropical cyclone intensity, not just cyclone.
  • You use intensity/intensify/intense six times in the lede. Try cutting down on that a bit. Especially...
  • "becoming an intense tropical cyclone. Intense Tropical Cyclone Kalunde" You also use Kalunde seven times in the lede, which seems a bit excessive.
  • "this storm" - just "the storm" works fine
  • You never mention the peak in the lede, which is key since it was the strongest in the season.
  • When did the extratropical remnants dissipate? Also, any reason you don't use the BT? You say March 16 in the infobox, but you don't say the storm actually dissipated, just that MFR stopped tracking it. The BT will say when it dissipated.
  • So 1,600 homes were destroyed? That seems like a lot. I'd like some further confirmation than from one French source. If true, the article seems on the short side
    • Looking at the translation (and google that translated word), I changed it to damaged. YE Pacific Hurricane 21:26, 16 April 2013 (UTC)Reply
      • You sure about that? Google is giving me "destroyed". --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:57, 17 April 2013 (UTC)Reply
        • Search that word that "destroyed" translate into general google, and then you get words like break or crushed that have a more postive connotation than "destroyed", but I did not think break or crushed would work. Also, one of several words that mean "damaged" in Frech is very similar to the translated word of "destroyed". Also, everything that is destroyed is damaged. YE Pacific Hurricane 02:47, 17 April 2013 (UTC)Reply
  • Ref 7 is broken, which is unfortunate since it's pretty key. That's a bold assertion that the storm wiped out all of the crops. Why isn't there any mention of crops coming back? Were the crops washed away or blown away too?
  • "as shower activity increased, though most of the shower activity" - redundancy
  • "Upon the formation of an eye, Kalunde continued to intensify rapidly and on 1800 UTC MFR declared that Cyclone Kalunde had became an intense cyclone. " - few things. First, when saying "upon", you shouldn't say "continued". I'd say "After" instead of "upon". "on 1800 UTC" doesn't work well, it should be at. But, given it's the beginning of a paragraph, you should add the date (and a comma). Try finding a way to avoid saying Kalunde twice.
  • The infobox says 165 mph, but the MH says it reached 160 mph peak, per JTWC. Remember, GP is based off operational data. You should use the best track (for MFR) and the ATCR (for JTWC) when it comes to post-season analyses. And don't mention both (that operationally its peak was X, but post-season was Y), since the differences are minimal. Just fix it so that the peak is the real peak.
  • "the JTWC claims" - careful using "claims", as that's a weasel word and implies something. You did it elsewhere in the article.
  • "Slowly approaching the small island of Rodrigues, MFR later reported winds " - so MFR was approaching Rodrigues?
  • You never mention any difference between 10-min and 1-min winds
  • Did Kalunde actually strike Rodrigues? If not, how close was it?
  • "Twelve hours later, MFR reported that winds had diminished to 105 km/h (65 mph)." - why is this important? You mention a lot of random windspeeds.*
  • "Sub, the center of " - something missing??
  • Why do you link convection for the first time in the third MH paragraph?
  • "The JTWC stooped monitoring the low on 1200 UTC " - again, avoid "on [time]". And, stooped?
  • "600 nmi (1,100 km)" - don't use nmi
  • "Severe coastal damage took place across the island." - poor way to start a paragraph, since the last island you mentioned was Mauritius.
  • "Many roads were washed out; as a result, isolating many communities." - get rid of "as a result" and the semicolon
  • "residents were left in the dark in regards to information on the storm for several hours" - this could be worded better.
    • I stumbled over this while doing the article, tbh, can't find a better way to word this. YE Pacific Hurricane
      • "residents lacked information about the storm for several hours." - in the dark is too colloquial. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:57, 17 April 2013 (UTC)Reply
  • Try finding a way to avoid keeping on saying "island". You only mention Rodrigues twice in the impact section, neither of which in the 2nd or 3rd paragraph.
  • "Subsequently, it was proposed that bridges wee to be built in order to forestall roads from being washed out again." - I don't get this.

All in all, the article is decent, but somewhat lacking. I'm not going to fail it, since most of the above is fairly minor. The biggest thing is that it could use more content, or at least some clarification of the content that's there. That 1,600 homes were destroyed is pretty key - what happened to those people and homes? And that also implies that other damage occurred (what about to government buildings, businesses?) If it was that 1,600 homes were damaged, that's a slightly different story. Have you gotten any hits from Lexis Nexis? That might help. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:21, 16 April 2013 (UTC)Reply

Add topic
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Cyclone_Kalunde/GA1&oldid=1146223440"