Talk:Cotton production in Pakistan

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Cotton production in Pakistan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 04:27, 2 June 2016 (UTC)

There are only a few GAs in this field, and I would be glad to help add one :) Sainsf (talk · contribs) 04:27, 2 June 2016 (UTC)

General

• I have converted this article to British English (you too can do this using this user script).
• The prose did not read very well originally. I have performed a few copyedits, please check them to see if I changed anything improperly.
  • Thanks. Your ccorection are in order.

Lead

• Cotton production in Pakistan is the backbone of the nation's economy Looks like a controversial statement. Please add a strong ref to support this here.
  • Removed the word "backbone" and added additional text as suggested in your review here.
• Cotton is grown as an industrial crop in 15% of the nation's land On which year's figures is the "15%" estimate based? You can add it in a footnote. (repeat in Growing regions, but no need for footnote)
  • Added year
• (each bale=470 lbs) Add this in a footnote. (repeat in Production)
  • The term used in USDA reports is "bale of 470 lbs".
• The ranks mentioned for Pakistan in terms of production may also be controversial, so you can add citations to support them in the lead. Bolding as it is still unresolved. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 11:11, 5 June 2016 (UTC)
  • Added refs in the lead
• Years for the ranks? (repeat in Production)
  • Added year
• Now you need a convert template for the lbs.
  • Added

History

• At Harappa, evidence of cotton threads have been found tied to the handle of a mirror You mean this was subsequent to the first discovery, of threads on a copper bead? Should be clear.
  • Made clear with additional text and reference.
• The last line belongs more to the next section.
  • Moved to the next section
• as Malavaceae pollen type, similar to Gossypium in Balakot Not sure what this means. Also, remove"in" after "such as".
  • Malavaceae is linked. It is flowring plant. Other corrections done
• seeds & fragments "and", not "&"
  • Done

• and is unlikely to change during the 2015–16 season This season has passed, I understand. So where is the data for it?
  • Deleted the sentence
• Cotton serves as the base for the nation's industrial sector Combine with the "backbone" part.
  • Done

Varieties

• 18 Bt cotton and non-Bt varieties Add the number for non-Bt varieties as well.
  • Added numbers to both
• What is medium/long staple?
  • Clarified with an additional reference.
• Merge this with the "backbone" part: The country's economic development is largely dependent on the cotton industry and its related textile sector, and this has given a principal status to cotton in the country.
  • Done
• Can you divide this section into two paras, one dealing with intranational production figures and the second with Pakistan in the global agricultural sector?
  • Done

Uses

• This section appears to be out of the scope of this article. Compare with Vanilla production in French Polynesia.
  • Vanilla production in French Polynesia is an article in which I contributed nearly 50% of the text at the dyk stage. The section under "Background" gives the uses of Vanila. My view is that production is because of a product's use and is relevant to the article. USGS in their articles on production of minerals give a section on its uses. However, I have now merged it with the earlier section.
    • I understand. And thanks for your work on that article. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 11:11, 5 June 2016 (UTC)

Diseases

• A few lines on the diseases and how they can affect production? Else this too appears out of scope
  • More explanation given

Exports

• cotton accounts for 55 percent of country's export earnings, and Pakistan has a 14% share of the world's cloth exports Which year?
  • Done

Legal framework

• 18th Amendment to the Constitution "of Pakistan"
  • Added
• Passage of these laws is crucial to the introduction of new biotech events According to whom? It may read like original research.
  • Clarified

Sources

• You can use the {{Google Books}} template in URLs to Google Books.
• I have used google tool only. Made some corrections
• Ref. 4: author, Mukhtar Ahmed. Page range appears incomplete
  • Changed
• Book refs need only the year and not the date of publication.
  • Done. I should have corrected it earlier itself

Production

• This section looks choppy with many short paragraphs. Please combine a few.
  • Merged.

• Sainsf Thanks for the review. I hope I have addressed all issues in the text.Nvvchar. 15:00, 4 June 2016 (UTC)

• Thanks. A few more points left. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 11:11, 5 June 2016 (UTC)

• Sainsf. Thanks for the further review points. I suppose I have addressed all of them including refs in the lead.Nvvchar. 12:41, 5 June 2016 (UTC)

• Thank you, this can now be promoted. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 13:16, 5 June 2016 (UTC)

• Thanks, Sainsf.Nvvchar. 13:47, 5 June 2016 (UTC)

Correction to a photo used here

This is an engraving of a scene recorded in Bombay by Louis Rousselet in July 1864 https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=YpyiEDfTbSUC&lpg=PA550&dq=who%20travelled%20with%20louis%20rousselet%20in%20india&pg=PA9#v=onepage&q&f=true

--BeckenhamBear (talk) 11:43, 10 October 2017 (UTC)