Talk:Cook, Serve, Delicious!/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)

I hope that it is okay that I pick up this article for a review. I will do this in a more piecemeal fashion so apologies in advance. Feel free to comment on anything and make any revisions as you do not have to wait until the full review is posted. I will look through the citation formatting at the end.

Infobox and lead

• Add WP:ALT text to the infobox image.
  • added Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• For the infobox image, I would link Steam in the caption.
  • linked Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• The WP:FUR for the infobox image is incomplete. I would also change the source link to something that directly links to the image rather than a Google search.
  • Changed the logo. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I do not think the citation in the infobox is necessary as the release information should be in the article itself along with this citation.
  • I have put into the body. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would find a different citation for the release dates. According to Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Sources, Giant Bomb is not reliable for citing release dates.
  • changed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would change the simulation link in the infobox to one for the simulation video game article. I would also add a link for this in the lead's first sentence.
  • done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• The first four sentences of the lead have very similar sentence structures (i.e. The game was/It was) and I would add some variation to make the prose more engaging.
• I do not think the citation in the lead is necessary as this information should be present in the article along with the citation.
  • done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• The lead is rather short right now. It only has information on the who developed and when it was released, but it does not have anything about the actual gameplay or its reception. I would expand the lead.
  • I've added a new piece. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would rename the "Gameplay and premise" section to just "Gameplay". It would be more concise and from the video game articles I have seen, it is more standard to reference a section this way.
  • done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:28, 27 September 2021 (UTC)

I hope these comments are helpful so far. I will add more comments tomorrow. Let me know if you have any questions. I hope you are having a good weekend so far. Aoba47 (talk) 00:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)

Gameplay and premise

• I would add ALT text for the screenshot. The WP:FUR is also incomplete for it.
  • What exactly are you looking for on the FUR? This was created with the File Wizard. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
    • There are two "n.a." portions in the WP:FUR which should be completed. Aoba47 (talk) 15:25, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
      • Those are automatically put in by Wikipedia:File Upload Wizard, so I'd assume they were suitable? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:34, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
        • I do not believe that is the case. From my understanding, there should not be any instances of "n.a." in a WP:FUR, especially since the two parameters (i.e. "Not replaceable with free media because" and "Respect for commercial opportunities") are things that could be explained. Aoba47 (talk) 15:50, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
        • Here is an example of a screenshot (File:Islanders gameplay in progress.jpg) with a completed WP:FUR. Aoba47 (talk) 17:23, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
          • FUR added, although probably something we should comment on at File:Upload Wizard. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:18, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• In the screenshot's image caption, the game's title should italicized.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I am uncertain about this sentence: The tower building in which the restaurant is included has had its business drop, but has tasked the player with changing that fortune. It reads rather awkwardly, and the second part reads like the building itself is tasking the player to do this, which I doubt is true.
  • Fixed Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I have a question for this part, The player is given money, and a choice of twenty foods. Would it be possible to clarify who gives the player money? It is not entirely clear how the player takes on this position.
  • I think the change from the part previously will leave this unambiguous. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• For this part, simultaneously; known in-game as "prep stations", I am not entirely sure that the semi-colon is used correctly. I think it should be a comma instead.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• For this part, keyboard game controller button prompts, do you mean keyboard or game controller button prompts?
  • I just meant keyboard, I'm sure you could play this with a controller, but it's a PC and handheld game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I have a clarification question about the following part, Alongside cooking, chores to keep the restaurant sanitary, such as washing dishes, throwing out the garbage, and flushing the lavatory, specifically the "flushing the lavatory" portion. So does this mean the player have to flush the toilet after a customer uses it? I am just curious as this seems like an odd gameplay mechanic.
  • It is a weird gameplay mechanic! They don't really ever explain the details on the flushing the lav part, other than you have to press flush and sanitize. It's an odd game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
    • Thank you for responding to this. Nothing wrong with a game making a more off-the-wall choice. I just wanted to make sure that I was reading this part correctly. Aoba47 (talk) 15:26, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• I have a question about this part, as serving too many fattening or boring foods. What do you mean by "boring foods"? Later in this sentence, you mention not having the same menu over and over again so from my understanding, it is not about repeat meals. Is "boring foods" referring to something like bland foods?
  • I haven't played this game in a while, but I believe meals can be both bland and repetitive to be considered boring. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
    • That makes sense to me. Thank you for the clarification. Aoba47 (talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
• What makes the following citations appropriate for a potential good article: YoYo Games, Hooked Gamers, and Game Maker Blog? I am not saying these are bad sources. I am just not familiar with them and I would like to hear your perspective about them.
  • Game Maker Blog is probably confusing as it says Blog, but this is/was information promoted by GameMaker Studios, who provided the Engine for the game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Yo-Yo Games is the parent company of the above. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
  • Hooked Gamers has been around since 2003, and has partnership with both Metacritic and Steam, so I'd feel confident that they'd provide decent commentary on a video game. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:10, 27 September 2021 (UTC)
    • That makes sense to me. Thank you for the explanations! Aoba47 (talk) 15:27, 27 September 2021 (UTC)

Here are some further comments. Aoba47 (talk) 01:31, 26 September 2021 (UTC)

Development and release

• In the first paragraph, the first three sentences have very similar structures so I would add some variety to keep the prose engaging. I would also avoid having that many sentences in passive tense in a row
  • I have reordered Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would clarify that Ore no Ryouri was released exclusively in Japan.
  • Added Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I do not think Ore no Ryouri belongs in Template:Cook, Serve, Delicious as it is not a part of this series. It was the primary inspiration for the game, but that is not a strong enough reason to include this in the template.
  • Sure, I can remove it. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would link demo in this part, Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine, as some readers be unfamiliar with the concept.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• For this sentence, Galindo had obtained a demo for the game through a gaming magazine and was intrigued by the approach and rush of the game, and inspired him to create a free fan-made game in 2004, using hand-drawn graphics., I would avoid repeating "game" three times.
  • Reworded Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would revise this part, he had not sufficient funds, to he had insufficient funds as the current wording seems a little off to me.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I have a few questions about this part, after he had some success in releasing The Oil Blue, his first attempt at a full game. What kind of success is being referenced (i.e. critical, commercial, fan response)? Also, it say that this is an attempt so was this unsuccessful or not a full game? I think further context about The Oil Blue is necessary. It should be brief of course as this article is not about that, but I find this mention to be rather confusing.
  • I have reworded to say what happened. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• Information about the release dates and formats should be listed here, including the iPad version which is mentioned in the next section.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• When was the DLC released for this game?
  • I can't say I know the exact date. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• For this part, which added ten new foods to be placed on the menu, couldn't you just say which added ten new foods as it would be rather clear from context?
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:43, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

Reception

• I do not think it is particularly helpful to include the scares in the prose, and I believe it would be better to focus on the actual review itself. If you would like to have the scores present in the article, I would use the video game reviews template for that.
  • Well, generally the rule is that you shouldn't put the scores in the body if they are in the table, but there are so few reviews that I felt the table was unneccesary, and we could say them in the body. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:21, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
    • I just do not find the scores to be particularly insightful in the prose (unless there is something out of the ordinary about it, like this was one of the few times a game got a perfect score from a specific publisher, etc.), but it is likely a matter of personal preference. Aoba47 (talk) 19:03, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• The prose in this section could use further work. It reads more like a list, especially since most of the sentences start with X critic of Y publication. Would it be possible to expand on some of these sentences? There are a few points where I am not really getting what the reviewer is discussing. For instance, I am not entirely sure what Mal Scott is saying about the game, other than that he apparently enjoyed it.
  • I have expanded a little, I will keep adding. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:25, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

Sequels

• I would avoid having two sentences in a row with "announced" to prevent the prose from becoming too repetitious.
  • Combined the two sentences Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:20, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• I would link MacOS and Linux in this section.
  • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:20, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
• This may seem silly, but I think a food truck link would be helpful. They are becoming increasingly common, but it would still be beneficial for readers who may not be entirely familiar with this concept.
  • Sure. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:20, 28 September 2021 (UTC)

This should be all of my comments for now. Once everything has been addressed, I will read through the article again. Please let me know if you have any questions about my review. Have a great rest of your weekend! Aoba47 (talk) 23:00, 26 September 2021 (UTC)

• • Done Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:20, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
    • I think I have covered everything Aoba47 Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:44, 28 September 2021 (UTC)
      • Thank you for addressing everything. I made a few copy-edits so everything uses the same date formatting. Everything else looks good and I will pass it. Aoba47 (talk) 19:03, 28 September 2021 (UTC)