Talk:Colors of the Wind/GA1

GA Review

Latest comment: 5 years ago2 comments1 person in discussion

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 19:09, 24 August 2018 (UTC)Reply

Lead

The film's theme song, "Colors of the Wind" was → Acting as its theme song, it was
Link "critics" to Music journalism
The song would go on → change "song" to "track" to avoid repeating yourself
The lead should be exanded with notable facts from the article's (huge) body.

Infobox

Release date isn't referenced in the article's body
Label isn't cited in the article's body

Background

behind the Broadway theater hits → "hits" isn't quite encyclopedic
Schwartz did not feel he was well-suited to the job → This is somehow superfluous and can be removed; that he wasn't quite well-suited is already kind of clear since he hadn't worked in the film industry beforehand
"Colors of the Wind" was the first song written for Pocahontas. According to Schwartz, the song "influence[d] → As the first song to be written for Pocahontas, it "influence[d]...
"Folklore" should be wikilinked
as well as a famous letter → as well as by a famous letter
change "famous" to more encyclopedic "well-known"
relationship with nature.[4][3][5] → refs need to be in numerical order
Schwartz liked because he saw it as → replace "because" with more encyclopedic "as"
which he and Schwartz attempted to inject into Pocahontas and failed → although originally intended to
Initially, the final lines of the song were "For your life's → Initially, the final lines of the song were: "For your life's
changed the lines to "You can own → changed the lines to: "You can own
Schwartz preferred the altered lyrics. Schwartz said that this incident taught him the lesson: "If your collaborator is unhappy, it's probably because [the song] needs to be better," adding that he may not have won an Academy Award if he did not change the lyrics → This contains some superfluous information and should be rewritten to: "Schwartz preferred the altered lyrics, adding that he may not have won an Academy Award if he had not changed them".
most important songs he has written.[4] Schwartz believed that the Walt Disney Company would reject "Colors of the Wind" for being philosophical and different from previous Disney songs. → most important songs he has written,[4] while Schwartz believed that the Walt Disney Company would reject it for being philosophical and different from their catalogue.
Judy Kuhn sang the song to help "pitch" Schwartz's score to Disney, and the studio embraced the track → Where exactly is this stated in the source?
Schwartz and Menken became friends, and later wrote music for the Disney films The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) and Enchanted (2007) together.[7] → It's not relevant to this article and should be removed altogether
This section should have information about when the song was released and by which label. Make clear that this is Judy Kuhn's version. Also, what do you exactly mean by "Judy Kuhn sang the song..."? Does it mean that her version was released, or that she simply sang the track for somebody?
Image > "was inspired by the words" is a bit too vague. You should make clear that it was that well-known letter

Composition and lyrics

Who produced the track?
According to the Orlando Sentinel, the song does not resemble Native American music → Why is this important for this section?
Where is "animism" cited in the source?
that the song's lyrics about nature's interconnectivity bears similarity → remove the "s" in "bears"
about embracing diversity.[14] Sonically, Rita Kempley → about embracing diversity,[14] while, sonically, Rita Kempley
there is no such thing in Native American culture → which is non-existent in Native American culture
Native American referred to months → Is this meant to be "Native Americans"?
because he felt it might evoke the urban legend that the Moon is made of green cheese. → This needs to be reworded, as it does not sound right
Schwartz thought that the phrase → Use "He" instead of "Schwartz" here to avoid repeating yourself
but was satisfied with it anyway → unencyclopedic formulation
The image can be removed; since we already have enough images in the article and this appears to be a strong case of WP:SANDWICH, it believe it should be removed
Sample > Link "pop" and I would advice you to use the sample format used in this article, as it looks more aesthetic

Reception

This section needs an "overall-describing sentence" such as "Music critics generally gave positive reviews of the song"
ranked it as the sixth best song → ranked it the sixth-best song
Who sang "Reflection"?
is the song from Pocahontas which "comes → is the song from Pocahontas that "comes
This section needs a copy-edit from an experienced user, as it is a bit messy. It features several word repetitions.

Cover versions and usage in media

Vanessa Williams version

Scott Mendelson of Forbes wrote "The practice → Scott Mendelson of Forbes wrote: "The practice
When was the song released, under which label, in which format? Who produced ths song? This all needs to be cited here. Also, where do you know from that Judy Kuhn's version was just "a song" and Williams's version a "single"? Also, why is Kuhn's version the "original" one if Williams's version (at least according to how the article stands now) was released before Williams's??
The critical reception for Williams's version needs an "overall-describing sentence"
adding that "The powerful → adding that: "The powerful
The staff of People opined that the song is → In a more mixed review, ...

Other covers

This section needs some copy-editing, as it contains several short and clipped sentences that sound repetitive.

Usage in media

Link "Lip synched"
Before lip syncing the track → Beforehand, ...
Then a high-powered → Following this, a high-powered
Was this the only usage of the song in media? To me, at least, it seems that such a famous song received more attention. However, I'm not sure.

Charts

I fixed this section by myself
Has this song not charted in Scotland?

Release history

This article would need such a section

Other stuff

Copy-violation

13.8% is acceptable!

References

As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article apart from where noted (I can't verify the books, but I will have to trust you with this).
Links seem to be okay!
The "References" section, especially chart-related, is a mess. You should take some time for formatting some sources.

Outcome

— For now, the article does not fully meet the GA criteria required, especially due to prominent prose and citing issue present throughout the article. I suggest you demand a copy-edit here and then renominate, as you now have a considerable amount of comments you can work on. Also, I think you should contact Aoba47 for further help on this, as he's more experienced on this film-related topic. I hope you do not feel discouraged. Best regards; Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:38, 2 September 2018 (UTC)Reply

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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