Talk:Cara Dune/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:54, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• Any link for "shock trooper"?
  • It doesn't appear this is an item in any Star Wars lists or anything, so I'm not sure there's an appropriate wikilink for it... — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " creator and showrunner Jon Favreau created" creator ... created is repetitive.
  • Changed the first "created" to "conceived".
• "a strong ... other strong " repetitive.
  • Changed the second strong to "powerful". — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "The Mandalorian,[1] Although" punctuation fail.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " first Star Wars (1977) film" would it not be best to say chapter IV? I understand this is awkward...
  • It seems there has been a lot of debate on the Star Wars (film) talk page about whether that article should be titled Star Wars (the original title of the movie) or Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope or some variation of that, and that the consensus reached there has been the former. Given that, I figured I'd stick with that naming convention here as well. But if you feel strongly otherwise, I'd be open to changing it. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " in the film Return of the Jedi (1983)." again, I'm not sure we need "the film" nor the year, as that's not really relevant to Dune's story arc.
  • Dropped "the film". — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "a "shock trooper" was" in quotes this time?
  • Yeah, not sure why I did that. LOL Removed the quotes. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " riots,[4][2][8] " order.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " meets the Mandalorian on " I may be wrong but have you thus far linked the character of the Mandolorian?
  • You are right. I added a bit of context to that sentence; if you think the changed sentence needs any tweaks, let me know or feel free to tweak it yourself. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "They reconcile and ultimately join forces with him" no need for "with him" unless him is supposed to be someone else?
  • Yeah I think that's just a sentence fragment I accidentally left in after I was reworking the sentence. Erased "with him". — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "the Klatooinian alien species" no need for "alien" here. Who isn't an alien in Star Wars??
  • LOL Fair enough; removed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• Link AT-ST (or explain it).
  • Linked. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Cara is initially ..." lots of "Cara" in this paragraph, could mix it up a little with "she" when the subject is unambiguously her.
  • Removed a few Caras. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• ""Chapter 8: Redemption"," you've already linked this.
  • Removed the link. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " the droid IG-11 arrives " perhaps "after IG-11, the bounty hunter droid, arrives" to avoid sea of blue.
  • Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• Link stormtroopers?
  • Huh, I thought I had done that. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "as show" shown.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "introduced.[4][15][9]" order.
• " "a bit of a loner",[3][11][12]" three refs for one fact?
• "it's" avoid contractions.
  • Reworded the sentence slightly and removed the contraction. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "doesn't " ditto.
  • Removed the contraction. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "the Star Wars universe" italics for Star Wars?
  • Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "created by Jon Favreau, the creator" created/creator again.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "were made character." public?
  • Oops, yes. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " featured teaser footage featuring" featured/featuring
  • Changed the second one to "with". — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "discussion/discussing" again.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "designed/designer" again.
  • I'm struggling with how to fix this one. I don't think I can change "costume designer" since that's his title. But I don't want to change "designed" to "created" or something because that could create confusion about whether he designed the costume or actually sewed and constructed the costume itself. Any thoughts? Or maybe just this once we're better off leaving the slight repetition in for the sake of being as clear as possible? — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "distinctive silhouette" quick repeated.
  • Removed the second reference to silhouette. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "that will be revealed later in the series" was it? I don't recall it being noted in the Appearances section.
  • I mean to say it will be revealed in future seasons. I changed the sentence to make this more clear.
• "performances."[26][16] " order.
  • Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Carano's introductory" again, quite a few "Carano" starts, maybe "Her introductory" (for instance) where it's completely unambiguous.
  • Changed a few. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "fantastic" fantasy?
  • Yep. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• " to make the end " mark?
  • Oops, yes. Fixed. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• And if she's filmed the second season, doesn't that make "The character is slated to return for the second season of The Mandalorian.[4][16]" somewhat redundant, i.e. she will return?
  • Changed to "she will return". — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Gina Carano has been received" No need for Gina. And start following sentence with She rather than Carano again.
  • Done. — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

That's all I have on this first run through. A thoroughly enjoyable read, thank you. It's on hold while we tweak the above. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:35, 17 April 2020 (UTC)

Hunter Kahn any chance you'll be on these comments within the next few days? The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:09, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

• The Rambling Man Apologies for not getting to this right away! Had some real life stuff going on that kept me away, but I should be able to be more responsive moving forward. Thanks! — Hunter Kahn 21:13, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

• All good. I think the repetition is okay in the circumstances, it's certainly not a dealbreaker, so I'm promoting. Good work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:17, 22 April 2020 (UTC)
  • Thanks The Rambling Man! Assuming List of The Mandalorian characters gets approved over at FLC, this GA means we're about one third of the way to getting this topic to a GT! I much appreciate your efforts and thoroughness! — Hunter Kahn 13:29, 23 April 2020 (UTC)

• No worries. I'll take another of your GANs in due course, I like to mix and match a little! The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 13:42, 23 April 2020 (UTC)