Talk:Canterbury Mounted Rifles Regiment/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 07:18, 6 January 2014 (UTC)

I'll start this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 07:18, 6 January 2014 (UTC)

• Add commas after "which" and the second "division" New Zealand and Australian Division which along with the 1st Division
• OK, I'll bite, what happened? The regiment's first casualty of the war came on 15 March, when a trooper was burying some Australian dead that had drifted ashore.
• midnight 18/19 midnight "on"
• I'd delete his name here: commanding officer Findlay
• missing a comma after command: second in command Major Overton. More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:56, 9 January 2014 (UTC)

• All the above  Done except for the burial party mystery. Incidentally, Findlay reappears later as The commanding officer Findlay, was invested as... in the Honours section at the end; I wonder if there's sufficient context to trim this the other way round, i.e. to "Findlay was invested as..."? --Demiurge1000 (talk) 05:08, 9 January 2014 (UTC)

• Yes, I'd use one or the other, but not both. Probably his name for that bit about the investiture.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:20, 9 January 2014 (UTC)

The source does not clarify what happened to him so I have taken that line out.

• Fix the names of the further information links like First battle of Gaza. Battle should be capitalized as a proper noun.
• I suggest reordering the clauses in this sea south of Gaza following the route of the road to Beersheba so that "following the route..." comes last.
• I liked the maps of the individual battles, but can you add a map of Palestine so the reader can see the relationship between Jerusalem, Jericho, etc.?

Added one that covers all the main Palestinian battle areas, which I thing works

• Add periods for Luxford's initials.
• Images appropriately licensed.
• No DABs, external links all work. No overlinking.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:33, 10 January 2014 (UTC)
• Been away for a couple of days, so a belated thanks for the review. All done I believe. Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:33, 10 January 2014 (UTC)