Talk:Can't Help Thinking About Me/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:28, 20 January 2022 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

This looks good; I am going to start the review soon! --K. Peake 09:28, 20 January 2022 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• David Bowie with the Lower Third → David Bowie and the Lower Third, as this is the correct term for collabs in an infobox

• It was actually credited to David Bowie WITH the Lower Third on the single so that's what it should say here – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• Come to think of it, that's alright. --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:OVERLINK of David Bowie under songwriter(s)

• Done

• "it was the first single released under" → "it was the first one put out under" or something similar, to be less repetitive

• "first one issued"; put out isn't that encyclopedic

• I was thinking of suggesting this originally but wasn't sure how you'd feel, what a coincidence! --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• The A&R representative introduction is not needed here since it being in the body is sufficient
• Wikilink Marble Arch
• ""Can't Help Thinking About Me" concerns a boy found guilty of an act and" → "the song concerns a boy found guilty of an act that"
• "The song is noted by" → "It is noted by"
• "like Bowie's previous singles," → "like Bowie's previous releases,"
• Remove introduction to Ralph Horton per my earlier comment
• "performed the single" → "performed the song"
• Remove introduction to the Buzz per above
• "In May, "Can't Help Thinking About Me" was" → "Two months later, it was"
• "performance of "Can't Help Thinking About Me"" → "performance of the song"

• Above 10 done

Writing and recording

• Img looks good!
• Add a comma after Davy Jones
• "for a label, Norton convinced" → "for a label, Horton convinced"
• Pipe A&R to Artists and repertoire

• Above three done

• Are you sure risque is an appropriate term for Wiki?

• Changed to 'provocative'

• "At the time," specify what time since this is a new para

• It's already established it's in 1965, and we already start the first para with the timeframe, so not sure how to reword it. – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• Maybe at the time of the rewriting or creation? --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• "At the time of recording" – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:45, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• I am totally fine with the new wording --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• "Bowie and the band conducted" → "Bowie and the Lower Third conducted"
• "and the band caused" → "and them caused"

• Above two done

Composition

• Shouldn't the musical info come before lyrical and if so, maybe retitle to Composition and lyrics?

• I don't think there's specific guidelines on order (that I know of). I think it flows nicely as is. – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• Not really, but it would be better organized for the actual comp to come first and have a more representative title. --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• How about that? – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:47, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Much better, well done! --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• "and decides to leave town" → "who decides to leave town"
• "Richie Unterberger later stated:" → "Richie Unterberger later stated that"
• "his later lyrics."" → "his later lyrics"." per MOS:QUOTE
• "the lyric "My girl" → "the line "My girl"
• "With the lyric," → "With the line,"
• Shouldn't you write James E. Perone per the author listed for the source?

• Above six done

Release

• "in the group that" → "in the band that"
• "all that original"." → "all that original."" if this is a full sentence quoted, per MOS:QUOTE on those
• "on 14 January," → "on 14 January 1966,"
• "where they mimed to the new single" → "where they mimed to "Can't Help Thinking About Me""
• "was issued in" → "was issued as a single in"
• "and its failure had" → "writing its failure had"

• All done

Live performances

• "Over thirty years after" → "Over 30 years after" per MOS:NUM
• Mention the release year of Space Oddity
• "Debuting it during" → "Debuting the song during" but is it correct to say debut here?

• All done, reworded last one

Toy version

• Are you sure the studios can't be separate be a semi-colon instead?

• That's how I've done it at Toy (David Bowie album) and all the other Toy tracks. – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:30, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• This is fine then, really. --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Shouldn't the labels be separated by using bullet points instead of a slash?
• "After performing it live" → "After performing the song live"
• "during the mid-1960s," → "in the mid-1960s,"
• "Co-produced by" → "With co-production from" maybe, as this sentence does not mention any specific song(s)
• Pipe Overdubs to Overdubbing
• Remove wikilink on EMI

• Above six done

• "Ten years later," → "10 years later," per MOS:NUM

• Since it starts the sentence I feel it's more appropriate to write it out. – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:30, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Why so? --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Kyle Peake See here, here, and here. They all state you shouldn't start sentences with numbers. – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 21:32, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Where are the labels sourced?

• Fixed

• I think you should use a different term from "previewed" because this is a release date; maybe "debuted" or "premiered"?
• "alternate mix" → "alternative mix" per the source

• Both done

Personnel

• Good

References

• Copyvio score looks too high at 57.6%; cut down the amount of quoting to fix this

• How's that look? – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:39, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• WP:OVERLINK of Pitchfork on ref 22
• WP:OVERLINK of Rolling Stone on refs 29 and 31
• The Guardian should be wikilinked on ref 30 instead of ref 32
• Cite BBC News as publisher instead on ref 37

• Above four done

Sources

• Good

Final comments and verdict

•  On hold until everything is fixed and I don't mind it being worked through periodically like you've done so far! --K. Peake 19:50, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

• Kyle Peake Thanks for reviewing Kyle! – zmbro _{(talk) (cont)} 15:40, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Zmbro Your welcome; I have made any relevant points above. --K. Peake 21:23, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

• Zmbro ✓ Pass now, nice work and we managed to find mutual stances on any points with disagreements! --K. Peake 08:12, 25 January 2022 (UTC)