Talk:Born to Die/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 11:19, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 11:19, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

• "moving one million units" Is this a little informal?
• "After attaining online success after its initial premiere on June 29, 2011" Repetition
• "performed sporadically" It's not clear to me what this means
• "The Cedric Gervais remix of "Summertime Sadness"" Why not "Cedric Gervais's remix"?
• "Del Rey additionally promoted" Why "additionally"?
• "It was reissued on" Presumably by "it" you mean "The album"?
• "with her third" Del Rey's third?
• "she found herself in conflict with" This sounds a little euphemistic. At the very least, it seems to suggest that Del Rey was the victim of circumstance rather than a party in the disputes.
• "final product Lana Del Ray was digitally" Clumsy- some dashes or commas would surely be required
• "although her stage name was respelled Lana Del Rey shortly after its launch" It's not clear why this belongs as a part of the previous sentence. Why "although"? Also, this seems to be quoting words-as-words, so you should use italics.
• "Initially, she had released the song because it was her "favorite" and had no intentions of releasing it as a single, although the video went viral on YouTube after its premiere." Where does it say this in the source cited?
• "Taratata" Notable? Don't be scared of redlinks.
• "The cover for Born to Die was photographed by Nicole Nodland" No- the photograph used on the cover was.
• You're going to need to give an indication of the date on the fifty best covers list
• "Steelfish" Notable? Again, don't be scared of redlinks.
• Is Dale Eisinger definitely female?
• "Its track listing" The album's tracklisting, not the cover's tracklisting.
• " it became her major-label debut after securing a distribution arrangement with Interscope Records" This is all over the place. The "her" is unclear, and the subject seems to shift from Del Rey to the album
• "In regards to the use of her lower vocals on the tracks, she stated that" What lower vocals? Who stated?
• "Tim Lee of musicOMH noted the songs are extremely similar, commenting that "her (alleged) agents clearly having stumbled upon a formula with which they can (allegedly) print money and (allegedly) further consign Lana's secretive, (allegedly) real debut LP to the annals of history. You didn't hear it from us, right?".[22]" What's that all about?
• " Del Rey has once been described" Rhetoric
• "though she cites Britney Spears" Why "though"?
• You don't need speech marks or the final period on the blockquote.
• "has been lyrically described" That's not what "lyrically" means. "lyrically described" means "described in a lyrical way". What you want to say is something like "The lyrics of x have been described as"
• ""Million Dollar Man" was likened to a sedated Fiona Apple." Surely not. A song isn't going to be compared to a human being
• "Musically compared to" As with "lyrically".
• " the theme, as a whole, is that of a "bitter, albeit narcotized, criticism of all of the wealth and emotional artifice Lana Del Rey is accused of embracing"" The "theme" is a "criticism"? This doesn't quite work.
• "Vocally, NME observed that" First, you're using "vocally" wrong, as above. Second, perhaps consider naming the journalist rather than just the publication.
• "on prime spot on The CW's Ringer on September 28, 2011" Clumsy and informal
• "propelling Del Rey into the mainstream" Rhetoric
• "performances in a number of live appearances" Clumsy
• "on an intimate show" ?
• "and was even criticized" Rhetoric
• "quickly came to her defense" Rhetoric
• " latter stating the criticism" that
• "played another Del Rey song "Blue Jeans" on" Again, you're going to need to add commas/dashes or rephrase this sentence
• "The music video was considered as the one that propelled the singer's online popularity." Passive voice/weasel words
• "The music video received generally favorable reviews from contemporary critics." Are you basing that claim on a single source?
• "was also released as the final single" It was also released as a single; it was the only final single. (Also, you seem to be lacking references around here.)
• "Due to strong digital downloads following the album's release "Radio" charted at number 67 in France" This sentence needs work.
• "through her Facebook that the" This doesn't work. Her Facebook profile, perhaps?
• "Sputnikmusic disliked the album, saying "The worst thing about Born to Die is that even its great songs contain problems"" Check the punctuation, and again, perhaps consider naming the journalist
• "With the release of Born to Die, Del Rey became the main focus of attention of the press, not only for her music but her image." CLumsy
• "the singer has been causing a stir in the media, which has caused many to begin to question about her past and accuse her of trying to erase it with a different type of songs and style. Considering the album's composition and her appearance, many tabloids began to question her authenticity and said that her success was due only to her beauty." Rhetoric and weaselly.
• "also proved to be in favor of Del Rey, declaring" Rhetoric
• "After years of criticism and her Saturday Night Live performance being considered one of the worst of all time,[110][111][112] music magazines such as Billboard, NME and Complex listed Born to Die among the best albums of the decade.[85][113][114]" Rhetoric
• Template:Album cover fur would perhaps be useful for your album cover.

I've not delved fully into the sources, but a glance doesn't throw up too many problems. However, I feel that this article falls some way short of being ready for GA promotion, due to some less-than-ideal writing and some POV issues which arise from weasel words and rhetoric. I think this may take a moderate amount of work, but I'm happy to leave the review open for now. Josh Milburn (talk) 12:15, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

Josh, I'd just like to inform you that I saw this as soon as it was nominated, and it was a drive-by nom by someone who had never contributed tot he article. I'm sure you will have to fail it. dannymusiceditor ^{what'd I do now?} 14:34, 5 March 2016 (UTC)

@DannyMusicEditor: Thanks for the note. @Matt723star: It is normally preferable to consult with an article's regular editor(s) before nominating said article at GAC. If you are not willing to engage with a review, it would be advisable not to nominate articles at all. In nominating this article before it was ready and in choosing not to engage with the review you have effectively wasted my time, which is a shame. I am closing the review at this time; this article certainly isn't terrible, and with a little work (perhaps based on the comments I left above) could push it to GA ready. I encourage any interested editor to work on the article and renominate. (As a final closing comment, I note that the article is a little light on details about recording.) Josh Milburn (talk) 18:57, 13 March 2016 (UTC)