Talk:Black-necked grebe/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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I'll take this well-organised article. Reviewer: Chiswick Chap (talk · contribs) 07:58, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

Rewordings

• "differentiated because of its greyer head and upperparts and because of its smaller size" - "because of" is wrong here (twice). Could use "by" as in sentence above.

Done. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録

• "dangerous, although, with " - please remove the "although, ".

Done. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 19:55, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

• Eared grebe: you say a) name was used for nearly a century, and b) it's still used in USA. Please tidy that up.

I can't really see how there is any confusion there. It is exactly like the article says. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 11:58, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

The "was" says it was used in the past (but isn't today) to my English ear, so it's confused one editor already. I've reworded it very slightly.

• "the nominate has" is a bit jargony. Perhaps "the nominate form has".

Changed to "the nominate subspecies has" (I'm not using form because it is a rank in botany and sometimes an informal one in zoology). RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 11:58, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• "The colour of the bill differs from the colour in breeding plumage, with the colour of the bill of" is not ideal. Please reword with fewer "colour"s.

Done RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 13:13, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• "bodies of water with more shrimp will experience more grebes, and grebes will increase the time spent foraging when" - the use of "will" is not necessary here, and it drags in clunky verbs like "experience" which aren't necessary either. Why not say simply "bodies of water with more shrimp have more grebes, and grebes spend more time foraging when ".

Fixed. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 11:58, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• "When it is done breeding" -> "When breeding is over".

done --Kostas20142 (talk) 13:06, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• "Due to the fact that" -> "Since".

Done. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 19:55, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

• "In past, this species was threatened on north America by egg collecting and millinery industry. This threat is no longer existent but the species is still hunted...". Where do I begin. Perhaps something like "In North America, the species was once threatened by egg collecting and hunting for feathers for use in hats. The species is still hunted..."

Just cleaned up status section, so hopefully it looks good now. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 11:45, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

Comments

• On units, if you're going to say "(11 in)" for the inch measurements, you should also say "28 cm" for the metric lengths. (multiple instances)

This is how {{convert}} does it. Besides, I think that it is best to spell out the common unit so that everybody is on the same page, and then put the abbreviated units in parenthesis for those who don't commonly use metric units, as we assume that they know how to read it. Also, I think that it reads better. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 19:51, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

Not sure assuming the tool is perfectly configured is wise or right, and personally I think it looks a heap, but I'll keep my opinions out of it!

• Also not convinced the decimal points are justified, and they're used inconsistently for nest diameters. "About 20 cm (8 in)" for instance would seem more sensible, given the approximate nature of the measurement.

Done. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 14:31, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• "(estimated around 3,900,000–4,200,000 individuals) combined with a large estimated extent of occurrence (about 155,000,000 square kilometres (60,000,000 sq mi))" is a lot of zeroes in one sentence. Suggest you use the word "million", e.g. " (estimated around 3.9–4.2 million individuals) combined with a large estimated extent of occurrence (about 155 million sq km (60 million sq mi))".

Fixed --Kostas20142 (talk) 12:58, 13 September 2017 (UTC)

• Status mentions cholera twice as a threat, the second time introduced as "Another threat..." but then listing many threats. And the following sentence again starts with "Another". Please tidy the paragraph up.

I fixed this a bit ago. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 19:51, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

• Not sure we need museum details in egg image caption.

Eh... I don't think it really is essential either, but it would be boring just to say "egg" or something of the nature. RileyBugz^会話_投稿記録 19:58, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

Ok, I've tweaked it in compromise.

Images

• All licensed on Commons and relevant. Not sure if we should say "eared grebe" in one caption, maybe just cut it down to "Non-breeding plumage".

Summary

This is an informative and well-structured species article easily up to the GA standard. Excellent work, and good luck with FAC if that's where you're headed. Not sure I have much to suggest to improve the article for that purpose, but you may be able to extract something from Birds Britannica which has half a page on the species. Chiswick Chap (talk) 20:04, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.