Talk:Birdsill Holly/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by MWright96 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:39, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
Will be reviewing for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 16:36, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
Lead edit
- Mention Holly was American for those who don't know
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:09, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
- "He is known for inventing mechanical devices that improved city water systems and firefighting. He patented an improved fire hydrant that is similar to those used currently." - consider merging these two sentences together
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:09, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
Personal life edit
- "Birdsill Holly Jr. was born October 8, 1820" - born on October
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Holly was forced to drop out of school at the age of 10 when his father died prematurely;" - perhaps add more details on the circumstances surrounding his father's death
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Holly started an apprenticeship at a cabinetry shop before he apprenticed in a machine shop." - repetition of "shop"
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "In a college thesis published in 1996 by Madelynn Frederickson ("The Life And Times Of Birdsill Holly")" - the parentheses are not needed and the title of the thesis can be italized
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Holly died on April 27, 1894 at 7 pm at the age of 74." - 7:00 pm
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
Career edit
- All the measurements such as feet, pounds should be placed in the convert template
- Done --~~
- "Over 1,000 were made," - More than
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "with the financial assistance of Washington Hunt and Thomas Flagler." - who were Hunt and Flagler?
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "in over two thousand cities in the United States and Canada." - more than
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "He patented a fire hydrant in 1869 used for fire protection." - fire hydrant used for fire protection in 1869.
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "The pumps ran at various speeds according to usage. It was regulated by the pressure in the discharge main." - IMO these two sentences can be merged together
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Holly's district heating system used a large boiler at a central plant. This system provided steam to a group of town buildings in a surrounding city district through a circuit of insulated water pipes that distributed steam and returned it as water after being condensed." - these two sentences could be merged together
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "He repeated the experiment with a 100-foot pipe to a neighbor's" - Think there is a few words missing from this sentence
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- "He was a friend of inventor Thomas Edison. Edison once asked Holly to become an assistant at his research laboratory in Menlo Park," - try not to start the beginning of the following sentence using the last of the preceding sentence
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
References edit
- Reference 4 "Birdsill Holly, Jr" should include the work
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- Reference 5 "Attempts to hide scandalous private life may have caused inventor's national obscurity" was from October 4, 1998 not 2020
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- Also the same Reference should not include The Buffalo News newspaper as the publisher
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- Reference 7 "Who Invented The Fire Hydrant? The Story of Birdsill Holly" is missing the work
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk)
- Working Thanks for review. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:03, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
- @MWright96: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:05, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
- @Doug Coldwell: Now promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 13:36, 29 October 2020 (UTC)