Talk:Bert Olmstead/GA1

Bert Olmstead GA Review

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Lead

• "Murray Albert "Bert" Olmstead (born September 4, 1926) was a Canadian professional ice hockey left winger" It says "was". Has he died?
  • Nah, he's only retired. Fixed that.
• "Olmstead had his statistical highs with Montreal," Sounds a bit boring for a lead. Can you re-word it to make a little more impact. I presume you're trying to say he had his best days, certainly statistically, while playing for Montreal?
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead was claimed by Toronto Maple Leafs in 1958," How do you mean claimed? It sounds a bit of a legal term.
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead played in the Stanley Cup final in 11 of his 14 seasons in the NHL, winning the Stanley Cup five times." Mentions "Stanley Cup" twice. I presume you've done that simply to add a wikilink. However, I would simply change to "winning it five times."
  • Fixed.

Early life

• "Overall in the playoffs, Olmstead had 10 goals and eight assists in the 17 playoffs games he played." Try reword to remove one use of "playoffs". I'm not sure you even need the first phrase. You could simply say "Olmstead had 10 goals and eight assists in the 17 playoffs games he played." and it wouldn't change the meaning.
  • Fixed.
• "Kansas City Pla-Mors" Is this right?
  • Sadly, yes. Puns are crappy team names, aren't they? ;-)

Chicago

• "and a part of of one for the Milwaukee Sea Gulls." Sounds a bit informal. Perhaps reword and add a year to make it sound a little better.
  • Fixed.
• "In the 1946–47 season, Olmstead joined the Pla-Mors," Did he rejoin the Pla-Mors?
  • He was demoted. In North America, the system send players to different levels, and not the team as a whole.
• I'm a bit confused how Montreal come into all this. Can you try explain?
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead split the 1950–51 between four teams," Should this say season?
  • Fixed.
• "17 days later, on December 19, 1950," Try not start a sentence with a numeral.
  • Fixed.

Montreal

• "Olmstead and the Canadiens appeared in the Stanley Cup finals again in the 1951–52 season, losing to the Detroit Red Wings;" Do you have any more details about this season?
  • Fixed.
• "in his second season with the Canadiens, Olmstead and the Canadiens won the Stanley Cup for the first time." Isn't this his third season?
  • Fixed.
• "stopping him from tying Richard's record of 50 goals in a season." Who's Richards?
  • The great Maurice, of course. :-) Fixed in the article.
• "Olmstead played all the 70 games in the next two seasons, scoring 52 and 58 points in the the 1953–54 and 1954–55 seasons, respectively." Does this mean he beat the record?
  • What record?
    • Richard's record as above. Peanut4 (talk) 21:57, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
      • No, since points are separate stat from goals: points=goals+assists, while goals are goals.--Maxim_(talk) 00:15, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
• "In the 1954–55 season, Olmstead led the league in assists, with 48." Have you any more details? How did Montreal do, etc?
  • Fixed.

Toronto

• "Early in the 1958–59 season, Punch Imlach, the assistant general manager of the Leafs, fired Reay, installing himself as head coach, and appointing Olmstead as the playing assistant coach." Should be appointed. However, I might be tempted to either also use installed or reword the sentence.
  • Fixed.
• "the Leafs went on a big winning streak in order to qualify for the playoffs," Should be long, not big. However, it would be better if you knew the exact number of games.
  • Fixed.
• "After losing in the Finals the next season, and falling short of the Finals the next season," Why suddenly two capitals in Finals?
  • I, and the vast majority of articles spell it as (Stanley Cup) Finals.
• "winning despite missing two months of the season with a broken shoulder,[1] and being limited to only four out of the 12 playoff games." Winning is redundant. Why despite?
  • Fixed.

Retirement

• "After his fifth Stanley Cup win, with Toronto," I don't think you need the comma after "win".
  • Fixed.
• "which came as a surprise to Olmstead, who refused to report to the team." Why was it a surprise?
  • Presumably because he did not expect a trade, but that's only my assumption (and to me it's sorta obvious, so I haven't added that to the article).
• "After his fifth Stanley Cup win, with Toronto, the New York Rangers claimed Olmstead in the Intra-League Draft on June 4, 1962,[4] which came as a surprise to Olmstead, who refused to report to the team." Lots of clauses here. I would suggest adding a full stop after 1962 or reword.
  • Fixed.
• "The Canadiens, noticing the situation, offered to acquire him from the Rangers, within a month;" Do you need "noticing the situation"?
  • Fixed.
• "Since no deal came, he retired, at the age of 35." Again no need for the comma after retired.
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead did not last the full season, stepping aside after 64 games, with a 11–37–16 record, with a .297 winning percentage." "with a... with a..." Can you try reword.
  • Fixed.

Legacy

• "Known as "Dirty Bertie"" Nice! Do you know why he was known as this?
  • Fixed.
• "He also was not a very good skater," Is "also" necessary?
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead was not regularly involved in fights, but in the ones he participated, the majority were started with his hits." Needs a reference. Even if it is ref 5, I would add it again here, because it looks a bit contentious.
  • Fixed.
• "Olmstead is noted for preventing Gordie Howe from equaling Maurice Richard's mark of 50 goals in a season with a hard check on the final game of the 1952–53 season." Don't need "noted for", simply say "prevented". However, I don't see the point of this sentence. It's already in a section above.
  • Fixed.
    • I still don't understand why it's in two sections. Peanut4 (talk) 21:57, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
      • Trimmed.--Maxim_(talk) 00:15, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
• "He had previously recently declined to spend a day with it," Don't need recently, it doesn't make any sense.
  • Fixed.

General

• It might be a good idea to create one level two header "Playing career" and then make his three separate clubs as level three headers.
  • Fixed.
• You need to put non-breaking spaces between numerals and units, e.g. 42 points.
  • Fixed, but the non-breaking space really isn't my friend, I think I put too much in. Can you check, pls?

Quite a bit to do, but nothing substantial. So I'll put it on hold. Peanut4 (talk) 23:27, 20 November 2008 (UTC)

• (First replies on 00:37, 23 November 2008 (UTC).)--Maxim_(talk)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Another nice article which meets all the GA criteria. Best of luck with any future work on it. Well done. Peanut4 (talk) 00:32, 25 November 2008 (UTC)