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Talk:Bennie Oosterbaan/GA1

< Talk:Bennie Oosterbaan
Latest comment: 15 years ago by Mitico in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 15 years ago66 comments2 people in discussion

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Initial review edit

There are significant issues with this article. None of my suggestions are mandates, so don't feel compelled to change anything if you disagree. It is an interesting biography. Although there are a number of issues, nothing insurmountable so I am putting the article on hold. Any reasonable method of commenting what items you have completed or addressed will be fine. I will have this page on my watchlist, and will monitor as it progresses. Any questions, comments can be posted here. Mitico (talk) 20:27, 6 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:  
    see section by section breakdown below
    B. MoS compliance:  
    some minor issues addressed below
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:  
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:  
    C. No original research:  
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:  
    B. Focused:  
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:  
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:  
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:  
    Not applicable
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  
    On hold for now


Prose edit

Lead
  • end - does this mean defensive end, since he was an offensive receiver?
    • before the 1940s football players played both offense and defense. End meant what are now known as defensive end and split end (wide receiver) or sometimes tight end.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:08, 6 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
Ok Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • "Michigan Wolverines" is mention 3 times in the first sentence. Can't this be simplified?
  • "—and one of the greatest all-around athletes in Big Ten conference history" Is this mentioned later in the article?
    • Despite paragraph 2, I have no secondary source for this statement. I have removed it.
  • "an All-state player in baseball and football and an All-American in basketball." --> an All-American basketball player, and an All-State baseball and football player." - All-American is more important than All-State.
  • "Oosterbaan served as the football, basketball and baseball coach at the University of Michigan. for the University. -- to avoid using "University of Michigan" in repeating sentences.
Athlete at University of Michigan
  • Section header - section covers athletic career prior to Michigan, plus seems redundant (see Coaching career). Suggest renaming to "Athletic career"
  • "where he was selected by the Detroit News as an All-State end" - a) Detroit News should have italics. b) "end" - clarify what sport. Maybe even "defensive end."
  • "And in his junior year (1923)..." a) I don't believe starting a sentence with "And" is grammatically correct b) Wouldn't it be easier to state in the preceding sentence that he attended high school from 1920–1924 & drop the "(1923)"
Football

*Wikilink Northwestern University

Did you consider: Illinois Fighting Illini ? Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
Basketball
  • "In addition to football, Oosterbaan was an All-American in basketball forward and led the Big Ten Conference in field goals in his junior (50 field goals) and senior (57 field goals) years and in scoring (129 points) in his senior year." This is a very long sentence. Consider breaking into two.
  • "in 1925–6 and 1926–7" --> "during the 1925–6 and 1926–7 seasons"
Baseball
  • "While at the University of Michigan he was a member of Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity." Why is this in the baseball section? Also needs a cite.
  • The second paragraph barely discusses baseball. Why not move up to the Athletic career section, where it could serve as a subsection lead?
Coaching career at Michigan
  • I wonder if - Time Magazine -is more accurate? Okay as is, though. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • "Oosterbaan was also head coach of the freshman baseball team." Can this be intergrated into paragraph 2 (or elsewhere)? I assume you could not confirm any years he served as head coach?
  • "The following are a sample of the Yost maxims that Oosterbaan kept in his notebook. This might be a nice place to use quoteblocks.
  • I think it also helps the section look sharp, too. Nice. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
Coaching record
A Michigan man for life
  • This section header seems to informal & fan-like I would break off the first paragraph about his resignation from coaching up to the "Coaching career at Michigan" then rename this section something more standard like "Personal life."
  • "had predeceased him a few month's earlier on July 23.[22][20][13] -- not required, but I always try to put my cites in numerical order.
  • "Two of his brothers, Guy and Andy, died when heOosterbaan was a young man" I found "he" a little confusing here. Which "he".
  • John Paul Oosterbaan comment feels awkwardly placed, but I am not sure where it would fit better. Is commenting on this apparently non-notable, non-family member needed?
    • I think if people were trying to figure out if they are related, this would be where they would look. So in a sense this is encyclopedic content that is appropriately placed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:02, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
Honors and awards
  • Don Lund, U-M's ... - informal, jargon
  • Who is Grantland Rice & why is his opinion important?
    • Since his name is linked, isn't that the responsibility of the persons writing his article. I have added a brief phrase before his name.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:08, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • Why list those ranked below him on the Top50-UM players?
I understand, but in case someone doesn't want to click a wikilink, its nice to give some context. I think it is clearer now. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
I agree, but the audience is a broader group. I like the changes you made here. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

MOS edit

References edit

  • What I meant, was should the external links section be removed since they are being used as a ref per MOS: "Articles can include an external links section at the end to list links to websites outside Wikipedia that contain further information, as opposed to citing sources." I'll defer to you here. I think I would have it in one section or the other. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • #3 Template seems oddly formatted resulting in text = "Michigan Today 20 (05): 5" a) Is that right? b) How large is this pdf? To download would take a long time.
    • That is issue and volume info. It is large, but I don't know how else to reference it directly. I think the reader can choose not to download.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:31, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • #4 Sporting news a) publication date? b) cite #17 gives Sporting News publisher as "NBC Universal" - should this be consistent?
    • #4 I don't have any info. This is an artifact. I added 1990. #17 It seems right based on what I see. It looks like NBC is republishing Sporting News Content.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:59, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • So, should cite #4 have NBC, or no? Either way, it is okay by me. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • #5 Hickok Sports - when I attempted this load this site, my antivirus software denied access stating "Reported Attack Site!" Is this a reliable site? Or reliable source? Is there anything you have cited to this site that can't be cited elsewhere? I also note that this site is in the external links section which seems redundant.
  • I looked too & didn't find anything. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

Neutral edit

Final concerns edit

At this point, I have only one major concern... The Hickok Sports reference & external link. On a different computer, I received a warning (this one from Google (i believe) stating that this site had potentially harmful malware. Has this site has been recently hijacked or something, but two warnings from two separate computers really has me concerned.

Only have have three other minor questions:

  1. Open from "baseball" above: why is "Alpha Sigma Phi fraternity" is being mention in the baseball section. Would it fit better in "Personal Life"? I realize this makes the baseball section ultra-short.
    1. O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 18:21, 8 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  2. The sentence "Friedman was also a skilled passer, once throwing for touchdowns of twenty and fifty yards in a match against rival Ohio State University" Seems trivial to mention Friedman's talent here. Can't we assume that Friednman was a skilled passer as quarterback (even in the dawn of the forward pass). Could this comment be about Oosterbann?
    1. Yes in the 1927 game after Friedman went to the NFL Oosterbaan quarterbacked a game.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 18:21, 8 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  3. Is there a cite for "Oosterbaan was also named to the Football Writers Association of America All-Time All-American team in 1974."
    1. I can't seem to find anything. Do you want me to remove it?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:04, 9 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • At this point, I don't believe it is verifiable. I ran multiple searches on Google news archives, and couldn't find any article for Oosterbaan, all-time, & all-american in the entire 1970's. In the 1950's there were plenty of articles - but you covered this with the Grantland Rice comments. Mitico (talk) 13:52, 10 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

Once the Hickok Sports issue is resolved I see no issues with the is article being promoted. Mitico (talk) 20:53, 7 February 2009 (UTC)Reply

  1. The Hickok site seems to have numbers that I can not find anywhere else. What do you suggest that I do with the remaining two citations with important numbers.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:19, 9 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • I just tried to access directly to the site's main page, and can confirm a trojan virus. I certainly do not think that we should be linking in any way to a site that has viruses.
  1. The basketball stats in the article differ from the ones here [1] (maybe conference vs nonconference games?). Suggest removing the Hickok ref and using the UM numbers and state: "He led the Big Ten Conference in field goals in his junior (50 field goals) and senior (57 77) year and in scoring (129 178 points) in his senior year.
  2. I was hoping that [[2]] would list Oosterbaan, but it only goes back to 1939. Unfortunately, I would drop the batting average.
If you would like a 2nd opinion on the accessibility & use of the Hickok site, I am open to that. Are you not troubles with this site? Mitico (talk) 13:52, 10 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • Hopefully this issues I found with this site are fixed in a short time it can again be used as a source. Mitico (talk) 18:30, 10 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • At this time I believe this article meets all the requirements to meet the Good article criteria. Thank you to Tony who worked hard to bring it to this status, and congratulations. If you have any questions, please let me know. Mitico (talk) 18:30, 10 February 2009 (UTC)Reply
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