Talk:Battle of St. Michaels/GA1
GA Review
editGA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: AirshipJungleman29 (talk · contribs) 10:49, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
Starting review and criteria
edit- Well written: the prose is clear and concise.
- Well written: the spelling and grammar are correct.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for lead sections.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for article structure and layout.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for words to watch.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for writing about fiction – N/A.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for list incorporation – N/A.
- Complies with the MOS guidelines for use of quotations.
- All statements are verifiable with inline citations provided.
- All inline citations are from reliable sources, etc.
- Contains a list of all references in accordance with the layout style guideline.
- No original research.
- No copyright violations or plagiarism. - current copyvio: 13.8%.
- Broad in its coverage but within scope and in summary style.
- Neutral.
- Stable.
- Illustrated, if possible.
- Images are at least fair use and do not breach copyright.
Hi, I will be taking this review. Will start commenting shortly. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 10:49, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
Initial thoughts, TwoScars: nice! A few comments though.
- References look good on first glance. Don't have current access to Morriss and Sheads; will try to check them at a library soon.
- Include an alt for infobox picture.
- Added an alt that recites the words on the sign.
- First paragraph of lead is slightly awkward.
- 'small battle' seems unsure. Perhaps engagement?
- Sentence structure is a bit cumbersome. I think it's the repetition of 'fought' and 'town'? I prefer something like
The Battle of St. Michaels was an engagement contested on August 10, 1813, during the War of 1812. British soldiers attacked the American militia at St. Michaels, Maryland, which is located on Maryland's Eastern Shore with access to Chesapeake Bay. At the time, this small town was on the main shipping route to important cities such as Baltimore and Washington, D.C.
What do you think?
- "A town legend says that..." maybe "according to local legend"?
- "who were more conservative and wealthier than the average citizen" cite a source more recent than early 20th century. Also slightly awkward, rephrase.
- Changed to "Many members of the Federalist political party, a coalition of bankers and businessmen, were against the war." Two citations: Ohio History Central discusses bankers and businessmen, and the National Park Service discusses that the Federalists were against the war. Also Wikilinked "against the war" to Opposition to the War of 1812 in the United States. TwoScars (talk) 19:42, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
- "Beginning in spring, Cockburn began" - beginning is superfluous
- Changed to "Beginning in spring, Cockburn conducted raids on towns along the Chesapeake."
- "capture her and parade her" -> "capture and parade her"
- "Royal marines were sent to the Chesapeake Bay—and Norfolk, Baltimore, and Washington, D.C. were immediate targets." Slightly too cliffhangery. Rephrase.
- "The forces on the ground" as opposed to the forces in the air? ;) Make meaning clearer.
- Link barges.
- Instead of "Disposition of forces and movement to battle" as a section heading, perhaps "Prelude" instead? More concise, yet encompasses more.
- Made change. As info, some reviewers prefer longer titles (I'm neutral) TwoScars (talk) 20:45, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
- "Watching the British" is also somewhat imprecise, considering most of the subsection is devoted to artillery positioning.
- "Most of the inhabitants fled when they learned the British were coming. The British landed about 3,000 men on the island." Repetition of 'the British' is awkward. Rephrase.
- "other sources have said from nine to 18." Choose words or numerals in a phrase. I suggest words, and perhaps for the previous '11' as well.
- Choose one spelling of vidette and vedette.
- A separate section for "fighting ends" unneccessary. Delete section header, keep casualties subsection.
- Aftermath section generally good.
- "hit the roofs of some houses or hit higher gables" -> "hit the roofs or higher gables of some houses".
- Preservation section could use some trimming, seems a bit promotional. Perhaps:
The St. Michaels Historic District has over 300 structures.[54] William Merchant's home, now known as the Cannonball House, in addition to being part of the historic district, has been part of the National Register of Historic Places since 1983.[53][54] The battle, also commemorated by the Star-Spangled Banner National Historic Trail, is discussed by two local museums: the St. Michaels Museum at St. Mary's Square, and the Chesapeake Bay Maritime Museum.[55][56]
- Images, although nice captures of yours, aren't all necessary. Would suggest removing the sign one (adds little to understanding) and moving the Parrots Point view into the Aftermath section.
That'll do for a first run-through. Will run through again after you respond. Looking good so far. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 14:20, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
@AirshipJungleman29: I think I am caught up. TwoScars (talk) 21:32, 23 February 2022 (UTC)
TwoScars, thanks for the quick response and your notes. Further points:
- 3rd paragraph, lead section. 'retreated to their post' - post not really the word. Maybe base?
- "marines" can be uncapitalised, but I believe that the phrase "Royal Marines" usually has both words capitalised.
- "to get from the ship to the ground" -> "to reach the shore"
- FYI, I prefer the number guidelines at MOS:NUMERAL - on the previous issue, the most relevant guideline was the fifth note (beginning "Comparable values") at MOS:NUMNOTES. Similar needed for note 12: "two officers and 26 marines".
- One of the images has Parrot's Point/Parrot Point spelt Parrots Point.
- Page number needed for Star-Spangled Trail PDF.
- Have spot-checked several of the references I can access - all are completely fine. Thus I will WP:GF and trust that the Morriss and Sheads sourcing is accurate.
Just these few final things and I think it's ready to go up. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 22:34, 23 February 2022 (UTC) @AirshipJungleman29: I think I have fixed everything. TwoScars (talk) 16:58, 24 February 2022 (UTC)
@TwoScars:, seems good to me. Well done. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 18:12, 24 February 2022 (UTC)