Talk:Battle of Shepherdstown/GA1
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 03:44, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
Initial comment edit
I plan to review this article. Djmaschek (talk) 03:44, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
Review 1 edit
For GA reviews, I prefer that the nominator make all edit changes. If you disagree with my recommended edits, please argue your case. I make mistakes too. Djmaschek (talk) 05:01, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
- Infobox: "September 19, 1862–September 20, 1862" We usually render dates like this: "September 19–20, 1862"
- Done
- Infobox: I recommend using "Sept." instead of "September" for dates under the Strength section. It will look neater and more compact.
- Done
- Introduction: "Retreating after the Battle of Antietam on September 17, General Robert E. Lee and the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia withdrew across the Potomac."
Redundant: Used both "Retreating" and "withdrew". Suggest removing the word "Retreating" and starting the sentence with "After".
- Done
- September 19, paragraph 1: "from the brigades Alexander" Missing word: "from the brigades of Alexander".
- Done
- September 19, paragraph 3: "he left the field" Be specific: "Pendleton left the field."
- Done
- September 19, paragraph 3: "before withdrawing with four captured guns" Withdrew where? It implies to me that they withdrew to the north bank. But then it says, "Barnes's brigade moved across the river as well." If part of Barnes' brigade was second to cross the river, who commanded the first 2,000 men to cross? Do the sources say? The next section implies that there were no Union soldiers on the south bank until 3 brigades crossed in the morning. Is this correct? Please clear this up.
- I had the sentence about Barnes out of order - his men would have been part of the 2,000; I've moved where the Barnes statement to before the 2,000 figure.
- September 20, paragraph 1: "Lovell's brigade detected the movement, and informed ... Sykes" Lovell's brigade did not inform Sykes, but somebody did. Suggest: "Lovell's brigade detected the movement, Sykes was informed and he authorized a withdrawal."
- Done with slightly different phrasing
- September 20, paragraph 1: "The withdrawal order had been delivered through a staff officer who had given them to" Should be: "given it to". If you make "order" plural, then "them" is OK.
- Done
- September 20, paragraph 1: "The regiment fought for about 30 minutes before routing." This sounds a bit awkward. Consider: "before running away", "before fleeing", "before being put to rout" or "before being put to flight".
- Went with the "put to rout" phrasing
- Aftermath: "President of the US" > "The President of the US".
- Done, and named Lincoln as well, which I'm not sure why I didn't do earlier
- Aftermath: Typo: "between it an the fighting" > "between it and the fighting".
- I generally don't annunciate the "d" in "and" when talking; I guess that carried over to my writing
GA Criteria.
- Well-written.
See above notes. - Verifiable.
Done Impressive number of sources. - Broad in its coverage. Done
- Neutral. Done
- Stable. Done No edit wars.
- Illustrated. Done
Review 2 edit
Please note that I added Confederate gun losses, source, and citation at the end of September 20 section. Here are some things that were missed the first time. Djmaschek (talk) 05:39, 27 February 2022 (UTC)
- Background, paragraph 1: "coming from a different directions." Typo: "coming from a different direction."
- Corrected
- Background, paragraph 1: The South Mountain link should point to Battle of South Mountain.
- Done
- Background, paragraph 2: "Crossing the Potomac" Suggest: "After crossing the Potomac".
- Done
@Djmaschek: - Thanks for adding the bit from Johnson & Anderson! I had to try to pull from everything I could think of to get enough detail on this one. All of the comments so far have been addressed. Hog Farm Talk 02:35, 28 February 2022 (UTC)