Talk:Battle of Marmiton River/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 23:41, 13 May 2020 (UTC)

• I can take this on

comments

• "control of the states" I only see one state?
  • Fixed. Typo.
• " the fatigue of the Union cavalry's horses" maybe "fatigue of the Union..."
  • Changed
• link to [wagon train] wouldn't be out of place
  • Link in lead and in first mention in body
• "at the battles of Marais des Cygnes and Mine Creek early on October 25." were they both early on October 25, or just one?
  • Both on October 25. Price managed to lose three battles in one day.
• " many of Price's cannons and soldiers, as well as Brigadier Generals John S. Marmaduke and William L. Cabell." might be better rephrased somehow... As it stands, it reads like the generals weren't soldiers?
  • Changed wording, as well as on the one below.
• " While serving as a rear guard," not really needed, given that you just mention this before....And with that, I am calling it a night. Sorry not to give the full review at once-- the television calls and the family doesn't like waiting . I'll resume tomorrow. Characteristically nice work far. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 23:51, 13 May 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for picking up the review. Take as long as you need. Hog Farm (talk) 02:01, 14 May 2020 (UTC)

• "The front part of the line"?
  • Done
• the beginning of 'battle' could use a date to allow the reader something to anchor on
  • Done.
• "the Union forces, but the Union forces also drove these assaults off" -> "the Union forces, but these assaults were also driven off"? I think we can assume it's union forces doing the driving off
  • Done
• " was foiled when it was discovered" perhaps it was 'halted' if the attack never began?
  • Went with delayed as most accurate
• "but this difficulty was overcome by changing the position of the Union artillery" perhaps rephrase? Seems a little unnecessarily long, but I'm not positive here
  • "requiring the Union artillery to change positions" - How does that sound?
• "were too jaded to move at a gallop" why not just "tired"?
  • Done
• " of losing the cannons to capture" -> "of the cannons being captured"?
  • Done
• "While the jaded state of the Union cavalrymen's horses prevented the charge from reaching the Confederate line" -> "While the Union cavalrymen did not reach the Confederate line because their horses were tired" or something a little smoother? Not positive here again
  • Changed to "While the Union cavalrymen were unable to reach the Confederate line because of the fatigue of their horses". Is that an improvement?
• "With nightfall, the Confederates withdrew, " -> at nightfall?
  • Changed with to at
• "was essentially just an armed mob" for that, I'd expect something along the lines of "was described by historian XXXX as "essentially an armed mob"" to attribute such a statement?
  • Attributed to Castel
• "all the way to the" ?
  • Done
• "although the landscape does face some threats " -> "though the landscape is under some threat from development" or something?
  • Rephrased
• "as third-tier priority for protection" this is meaningless to a reader. Is third tier presumably the lowest concern? Maybe it's the highest. I cannot tell from the article
• Removed. Not really significant for this battlefield.

That's the end of my first pass for this one; as usual feel free to disagree/discuss any of the above. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 23:36, 14 May 2020 (UTC)

• Source #1 is wanting of page numbers
  • Used the {{rp}} template to add the page number inline.
• not sure I see #12 explicitly saying the threat is development
  • Reworded to "changes in land use", which is the wording in the source.

Other then that, referencing is good. Assuming good faith for offline sources. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 12:54, 16 May 2020 (UTC) This article is well written, referenced, comprehensive, illustrated, and otherwise meets the GA criteria. A little on the short side, but is fitting for a rather short event. I'm happy to pass this. Nice work! Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 13:02, 17 May 2020 (UTC)