Talk:Battle of Marash

A couple of quick suggestions

Hi, I'm not in a position to do the GA review, but I had a quick look over the article. A couple of points to consider:

• I think the article needs a couple more citations: I've added two citation needed tags where I feel they are needed;
• I think there is a word missing. I have added a "clarification needed" tag where the issue is. Currently it says "14 artillery" - but does not clarify what this means. I think it should be "14 artillery batteries", but I don't know;
• watch the date format. There are two formats being used in the article, but really it should be consistent. For instance there is "21 January" in the infobox, but the rest of the article appear to use month day format, e.g. "September 15";
• the addition of an image and or map would be great, if they are available (although it is not a GA requirement).

Good work so far. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:06, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for taking the time to look this over AustralianRupert. I adjusted the time format so that the month comes first and then the date. I also added two images, although I wish they were a little better in terms of relevance to the article. I haven't come across any photographs of the battle but I added a photo of the French Armenian Legion, which took part in the defense of the city and a map of Turkey, showing the general area of where Marash was located. --Marshal Bagramyan (talk) 18:06, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

Well done. Cheers, AustralianRupert (talk) 22:27, 19 February 2011 (UTC)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Battle of Marash/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Lord Roem (talk) 17:57, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

There are some disambugation/redirect pages not to the correct page and two links that are dead (see the box to the right for specifics). Lord Roem (talk) 18:11, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

I've removed the two links (they did not appear to be too helpful or even reliable for that matter) but the Battle of Maraş/Battle of Maras wikilinks seem to work fine in redirecting to the correct article.--Marshal Bagramyan (talk) 04:57, 4 March 2011 (UTC)

I am a bit busy this weekend, so I will resume the review on Saturday/Sunday. Lord Roem (talk) 12:25, 4 March 2011 (UTC)

Review

Apologies for the delay - I've been busy.

Lead

• "Scandalous retreat" - right use of words?

Background

• "an apple of discord" - rephrase
• Split up the last sentence, seems a bit run on

Turkish Nationalist movements

• Woah. First sentence in the second paragraph has too many clauses. Also should be split up or rephrased.
• Muslim "notables" - is this a description or a title?

Active Stage

• Maybe change "word got out", sounds a bit too informal
• Did the frostbitten die later? If yes, I'd change that to "...and 300 severely frostbitten (some of which died later)."

Massacre of Armenians

• I am concerned about the word "slaughter" i the first sentence.
• "as in previous times and troubles", please add a cite here
• "The Armenian legionnaires put up a valiant defense..." - valiant doesn't seem neutral here.

Aftermath

• Again, "slaughter"
• "Ultimately, on March 10 British..." - this sentence has comma and clause issues. I suggest cutting it up or rephrasing.

Final Thoughts

• I'm putting this on hold pending the changes above, for up to seven days. Regards, Lord Roem (talk) 17:57, 9 March 2011 (UTC)

Ok, I made most of the changes in regards to grammar and softened up the language with the hope that it sounds more neutral. And based on my reading on the French casualties, the frosbitten soldiers did not die (lest they too would have been added to the number of dead list).--Marshal Bagramyan (talk) 02:11, 12 March 2011 (UTC)

All right then! I checked your edits and I believe everything is resolved. Good job and congrats! I will now promote the article. Best regards, Lord Roem (talk) 23:02, 12 March 2011 (UTC)

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