Talk:Asthma/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sahara4u (talk · contribs) 17:20, 29 December 2012 (UTC)

Lede

• Its diagnosis is usually made based on the pattern of symptoms, response to therapy over time, and spirometry.[5].... no need of "made" and "over time" → "at times"

Fixed the first, the second is "response to therapy over time". Ie you give the treatment and see if it works. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)

• As of 2010, 300 million people were affected worldwide. In 2009 asthma caused 250,000 deaths globally.[12] → need to be updated as we are in 2013, also merge these two sentences.

This is the most recent estimates from a 2011 paper by GINA. They do not typically change that fast. Updated the years to match the refs. Merged.Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)

Signs and symptoms

• Symptoms are often worse......→worst

This is just referring to in relation to the day. And not the worst. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)

• Some people with asthma only rarely experience .... no need of "only"

Thanks fixed. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)

Causes

• These factors influence both its severity and how responsive it is to treatment.[18]→These factors influence both its severity and its response to treatment.[18]

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:22, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Environmental

• Too many short paragraph even the 1st one is a single sentence, merge them into 2 paras
• asthma in children and adults[26][27] as are high .... → refs should come after the period
• Many sentences in the article are similarly phrased i.e. "including:[33] respiratory syncytial virus" and "including: allergens" etc. I suggest to avoide the repetition.

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:26, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Hygiene hypothesis

• ...increase rates of asthma worldwide—increased rates of asthma are a direct and unintende.... no need to repeat "increased rates of asthma"
• non infectious → non-infectious
• It's been proposed that the ... → It has been
• Evidence supporting the hygiene hypothesis includes observations of lower rates of asthma seen on farms and in households with pets; however, there are still many uncertainties.[37] → I don't understand what you are trying to say, this needs a complete copyedit
• Antibiotic use early in life .... → Use of antbiotic in early life......
• ...is associated[39] with an increased.... ref should be after period

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:32, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Genetic

• is ~25% → "approximately 25%" or "nearly 25%"
• Many of these genes are related to the immune system or to modulating inflammation. → no need of 2nd "to"
• The genetic trait CD14 single nucleotide polymorphism (SNP) C-159T and exposure to endotoxin (a bacterial product) is an example. → need to be rephrased

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:45, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Medical conditions

• ...allergic rhinitis, and asthma is called atopy. → remove the comma
• ....autoimmune disease vasculitis, Churg–Strauss syndrome. → autoimmune diseased vasculitis and Churg–Strauss syndrome.
• Other medications that can cause problems include: ASA, NSAIDs, and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53] → Other medications that can cause problems are ASA, NSAIDs and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53]

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:50, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Pathophysiology

• The typical changes in the airway → airways
• Chronically airway smooth muscle may increase in size along with .... → Chronically airways' smooth muscle may increase in size along with ....

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:54, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Diagnosis

• There is currently no precise test for asthma[34] with ... ref at the end of the sentence and aagain no need of made later in th ssentence

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:55, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Spirometry

• ...salbutamol this is supportive of the diagnosis. →.....salbutamol, is supportive of the diagnosis. Also link salbutamol an COPD
• ...every 1 or 2 years....→ every one or two years
• Other → Others?

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:58, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Classification

• You may provide key for the table i.e what ≤, > , < mean?

These are standard terms (less than or equal to). Does not need defining IMO. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:34, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

• ..such as bronchiectasis,chronic bronchitis, and emphysema.[64] → space after the 1st comma

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:47, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Asthma exacerbation

• Ablue color of the skin → space after A

Exercise-induced

• In athletes it occurs more common .... comma after athletes
• Link cycling and skiing
• ....those without asthma[74] however oral.... → ref at the end of the sentence, there may be others.......

Fixed the first two. When the refs only supports half the sentence I prefer to attach them to that bit. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:03, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Occupational

• Asthma as a result of (or worsened by) workplace exposures is a commonly reported occupational disease.[77] → comma before is
• work related → work-related

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:04, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Management

• Bronchodilators are recommended for short-term relief of symptoms.> In..... → remove >

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:05, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Medications

• Fast acting → Fast-acting
• Long term → Long-term
• Other→Others

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:06, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Progesterone needs to be discussed as a medication for the condition. Research shows it to be effective with less side effects. Not widely known yet, but gaining interest by specialists. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 101.113.195.30 (talk) 16:26, 31 March 2013 (UTC)

Prognosis

• Globally it causes moderate or severe disability in 19.4 million people as of 2004 ... Need to be updated

I have not seen any updates of this number. The source that supports it is from 2008. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:18, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Epidemiology

• As of 2011, ~235 million people worldwide.. → As of 2011, approximately/nearly 235 million people worldwide
• economically disadvantage → economically disadvantaged
• refs should come after periods

Fixed the first two. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:19, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

History

• ...an incense mixture known as kyphi[130] → full-stop after kyphi
• refs should come after periods
• In 1873 one of the first papers.... → comma after 1873

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:22, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Images and catergories

• All the images need alt text.
• You may add more categories

I'll revisit once the above concers are addressed. Good luck! Zia Khan 00:24, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks. Just noticed this. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 10:35, 17 January 2013 (UTC)

Quick glance – References should come after periods. Zia Khan 16:15, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Per what guideline? If have the sentence is support by one ref and the other half is supported by another I prefer to keep the references right next to the content they support. Have changed a few but others I prefer they way they are. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 02:11, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

• Don't know, but have a look here. Zia Khan 15:13, 20 January 2013 (UTC)

But here it states that what I have been doing is okay [1] Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 03:35, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll revisit in the next 2/3 days! Zia Khan 04:59, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

• There is a problem with ref 69. Zia Khan 00:38, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks and fixed. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:14, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Final Review

GA review (see Wikipedia:Good article criteria and WP:GACN)

1. Well written.

   a (clear and concise prose which doesn't violate copyright laws, grammar and spelling are correct): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, and fiction:

2. Factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (well-referenced): b (citations to reliable sources): c (Wikipedia:No original research):

3. Broad in its coverage.

   a (covers major aspects): b (well-focused):

4. Neutral .

   Fair representation, no bias:

5. Stable.

   No edit wars nor disputed contents:

6. Illustrated appropriately by images.

   a b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Result: Good work, keep it up! Zia Khan 22:53, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

   Pass/Fail: