Talk:Andreas Joseph Hofmann/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review edit
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 06:54, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
Opening statement edit
In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. I will be reviewing this article is the Coordinator of WikiProject Germany. —Vami♜_IV♠ 04:08, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thank you for taking this on! I'll start fixing / addressing your points tonight. —Kusma (t·c) 12:55, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
Lead
edit
After looking at your other featured content, I'm struck by the lack of an infobox. What's the reasoning for not having one here this time?- I like to use infoboxes when I have (a) a picture and (b) more structured content for them, for example for officeholders where there are predecessors and successors etc. In Hofmann's case, what really makes him notable is his presidency of the first democratic parliament in Germany, but we don't have an article about that office, either. But I can try a simple short and fairly bare-bones bio infobox and you can tell me whether you think it is an improvement. —Kusma (t·c) 21:28, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
Prose
edit
Hofmann was born in Zell am Main near Würzburg as son of a surgeon.
The son of a surgeon?
Added
and was soon after employed by the Count of Hohenzollern-Hechingen.[3][4]
Do any of your sources identify which Count employed Hofmann?- None of the sources explicitly name the Count. The ruler at the time in question was Josef Friedrich Wilhelm, Prince of Hohenzollern-Hechingen. For these small counties, it is difficult to tell whether he was working personally for the Count or generally for the county; if we don't name the count personally, it stays a bit more ambiguous (and closer to the sources).
- And it was not a count, but a prince. Not careful enough while translating into English, I'll fix this. From Otto's article: "[...] und musste froh sein zunächst eine Stelle als Hofrat im Dienste des Fürsten von Hohenzollern-Hechingen zu finden." Do you think we should name the prince, as it is clear who it is?
- If you have a source that names that prince, which you seem not to. You could try slipping him in with a link to said prince at "the Prince". –♠Vami_IV†♠ 12:39, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
- I've checked a couple of sources and they all just say he worked for the prince of H-H without a name (but it was just a short time, so there's not much to be said about that anyway). I've piped Prince to Josef Friedrich Wilhelm, which seems like a reasonable compromise to me. —Kusma (t·c) 13:42, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
- If you have a source that names that prince, which you seem not to. You could try slipping him in with a link to said prince at "the Prince". –♠Vami_IV†♠ 12:39, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
Like many other future Jacobins in Mainz,
Could you move the wikilink to "Mainz" here? Alternatively, could you use this to make an inter-language link if applicable?- Added illink to Jacobin club of Mainz, and also linked both Mainz and University of Mainz earlier on in the section.
as a member of the Corps législatif
Remove the ILL here.
Removed
and there is no known picture.
Add "of him".- Added
GA progress edit
Good Article review progress box
|
