Talk:Amar Osim/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 06:18, 11 May 2020 (UTC)

I'll pick this one up, will post a review shortly. Kosack (talk) 06:18, 11 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• Ideally everything in the lead should be mentioned and sourced in the main body, but I see no mention of "Osim was a talented player during his teens" anywhere else but here.
• "Osim is the most successful manager in Željezničar history", it would be worth including when he was appointed as the team's manager.
• It's probably not worth mentioning in the lead that the Bosnian Supercup is defunct.
• "He won many awards while being Željezničar's manager", this sentence is a little off grammatically.
• "making mediocre results", making results doesn't really work.
• "Croatian football legend", avoid WP:PEACOCK terms like legend.

Playing career

• "football in hometown club Željezničar" > football for hometown...
• France is an WP:OVERLINK.
• "season for his favourite Željezničar before he retired from professional playing career", grammar is a bit off here.
• No references in this section?
• Overall, this section is very short for a playing career that lasted 11 years.

Željezničar

• The one source included here doesn't cover an awful lot of what's in this section.
• The paragraph style here is a little choppy. Single sentence paragraphs are generally to be avoided.
• Put English outside the Premier League link, it's not part of the official competition name.
• Pipe Newcastle United to avoid the F.C.
• Why is Bosnia and Herzegovina Manager of the Year bolded?

JEF United Chiba

• His father is already linked previously. Japan is also and overlink.
• Section is unsourced.

Return to Željezničar

• "After his Japanese adventure", too journalistic.
• Again, only one source for all the information here and it doesn't cover most of it.
• No need to bold award titles.

Al Kharaitiyat

• Similar issues here, short paragraphs and no need to bold award titles.

Second return to Željezničar

• Be careful not to start lots of sentences with "On 13 April", "On 20 April", etc.

Personal life

• His father is mentioned several times before this, so there's no need to list him here again.

Honours

• Section needs sourcing.

References

• Is Sofascore a reliable source?
• The refs appear well formatted and consistent.

Unfortunately, I'm going to fail this outright as it falls some way short of meeting the GA criteria. There are serious sourcing and POV issues throughout, it's important to ensure all information is clearly sourced. The text could also do with a copyedit for grammar and cohesion as the wording is a little off at times. If you have any questions, please feel free to drop me a line. Kosack (talk) 08:01, 11 May 2020 (UTC)