Talk:Alec Eist/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 18:03, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this one. Harrias ^talk 18:03, 6 April 2020 (UTC)

Lead

• Use a spaced endash for the date range please.
• I wouldn't worry about note a: I don't think there is any need to give too much importance to what was almost certainly a reporting error: we have his date of birth in his medal record image, as well as the source provided.
• "He is particularly notable for allegations of corruption, .." Clarify: "allegations of corruption made against him, .."
• HSCA needs spelling out.
• "Throughout his career, he had been awarded.." "had been" implies they were later rescinded; change to "was".

Early life and career

• An inline explanation of what the "Flying Squad" is would be appreciated.
• Looks like it is missing a full-stop before "As a Detective Chief.."
• Why does the BEM section, which happened in 1967, come after him joining the Flying Squad in 1968?
• "..The London Gazette reported following a series.." Add "that" after "reported".
• "Eist recognised the man as an escaped prisoner and well known, reported the Gazette to be a.." To tidy this up a bit, maybe try "Eist recognised the man as an escaped prisoner who, according to the Gazette, was well known to be a.." or similar.
• "Ray was placed in the personal custody of Eist, who was firstly held at.." The "who" here appears to refer to Eist, as he was the last person mentioned.
• Add (HSCA) after "the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations".
• "Journalist Pate McMichael.." Add "The" before "journalist", or avoid a false title.
• "he also me that he tried to get.." Is this the actual quote, or is it missing a word?
• "Included Roy Garber, later convicted of smuggling cocaine" This is missing a full-stop at the end, but also need expanding into a proper sentence, at the moment, it is just a fragment; what included Roy Garber?
• "He tried to avoid making appearances in court wherever possible.." Eist, or Garber? Garber was the last person mentioned.
• Who is Martin Fido: establish his credentials in the article.
• Same for Duncan Campbell.
• "Reg Dudley—North London "career criminal" and.." Add "a" before "North London", and replace "and" with "who was".
• "..and later paid off with jewellery from the robbery's proceeds." Is this meant to be "and later been paid off with.."?
• Link Mark Lane on first use, and delink him on this second use.
• Avoid the close repetition of "Lane": "..by Ray's defence attorney Mark Lane. Lane told.."

Later life

• Merge "Eist died on 27 Jan 1982." into the previous paragraph. Do we have any more information about the cause of his death?

Images

• Complete the "n.a." fields in the Non-free use rationale.

References

• Ref #22 should be "pp", rather than "p".
• Same for ref #29.
• Ref #32 needs an endash, rather than hyphen, in the title. The accessdate needs converting to DD month YYYY to match other sources.
• Be consistent about whether publisher location is listed.
• "Borrell, C. (June 28, 1968)" The date should be in DD Month YYYY format.
• "Bowers, G. (2016)" needs an endash, rather than hyphen, in the title.
• "DNW (20 September 2002)" No need for "Lot 61" twice in the title.
• "Foreman, F. (5 January 2009)" Just a year is sufficient for books.
• "Marks, L. (20 August 1978)" needs a page number.
• "News desk (10 November 1978)" needs a page number.
• Typo in location for "Waldron, L.; Hartmann, T. (2008)".

Overall a decent article in pretty good shape. Just cleaning up points really. Harrias ^talk 10:14, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Many thanks for this, Harrias. It's got a bit complicated, as I found a couple of sources yet to be used, as well as images, which round out the article nicely I think. So obviously that meant some sentences were tweaked or lost, which makes some of your suggestions moot, unfortunately. On the other hand, everything that remained of yours I have agreed with and incorporated (the only exception, I think, being to the online rather than offline newspapers). All the best! (Apologies for the belated reply, too) ——SN54129 19:16, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

Two for the price of one

re-review

• "..providing falso alibies.." Two typos: "..providing false alibis.."
• "..to the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations] regarding.." Stray square bracket.
• I still don't think note 1 is necessary.
• "..the Second World war was ending.." Capitalise "war".
• "Gangster Freddie Foreman described.." "The gangster Freddie Foreman..", to avoid a false title.
• "Police historian Dick Kirby.." Again, "The police historian.."
• "lorry—loads" drop this down to a hyphen.
• "At check-in, the ticket agent noticed the name on his passport, Sneyd, was on a Royal Canadian Mounted Police watchlist." Not relevant to the reader's understanding of Eist, can be cut completely.
• "Eist's answer—in clipped tones"—was.." Missing quotation mark.
• The term "supergrass" needs explaining.
• "The author Dick Kirby also suggests.." He's already been introduced as "police historian" now, so this can be trimmed to just "Kirby".
• "..on a cruise ship, whee "skulking.." Typo: where.
• "Author Gordon Bowers describes.." "The author.."
• "In 2002, 3 of Eist's medals.." "three" rather than "3".
• Merge "Eist died on 27 Jan 1982." into the previous paragraph. Do we have any more information about the cause of his death?
• "..was advised by Detective Chief Superintendent, that.." Should this be "by a Detective Chief Superintendent", or should it be "..was advised by Detective Chief Superintendent X, that.." ?
• "In a May 1982 The Observer investigation.." To avoid a MOS:SEAOFBLUE, switch to "In a May 1982 investigation by The Observer.."
• "..cited 70s gangster Joe Cannon.." Per MOS:DECADE and to avoid a false title, "..cited the 1970s gangster Joe Cannon.."
• Decapitalise "Police" twice in the Posthumous allegations section.
• "Borrell 1968" needs a page number.

Really impressed with the additions overall; I've listed lots of points, but they are mostly very minor issues, some of which look like they were just sloppy little mistakes made while excitedly adding the new information! Harrias ^talk 21:08, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks Harrias, very kind. I was thinking, for a possible future fac, it should probably have background and aftermath sections for context. But would you rather I did that after your review! Talking of which, it belatedly occurs to me that you should have quickly failed it, as I sort of nullified your review, and then reopened it. Double review, double points! ——SN54129 15:31, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
• OK Harrias (apologies for the second ping, that first was probably unnecessary). I've attended to your suggestions, all of them good. That footnote has finally been lost (although replaced by a new one explaining supergrasses, of course). The rest as you say was mostly typos—yes, and it was also getting late here, so I wasn't concentrating as I should have been. Also the false titles have been rectified. I am King of False Titles...not, note, the King of, etc  :) hope all is well! ——SN54129 17:03, 9 April 2020 (UTC)

  @Serial Number 54129: Thanks for the heads up. With all the family about this weekend, I might not have enough quiet for another read through until Monday, but I'll see what I can do. Harrias ^talk 18:13, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

@Harrias: No problem at all. Happy Easter to you and yours, if it's possible for anything to be happy these days! ——SN54129 18:39, 10 April 2020 (UTC)

I've made a few minor copy-edits, but otherwise it's looking good. Passing. Harrias ^talk 08:39, 12 April 2020 (UTC)