Talk:Adam Jensen/GA1
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Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 20:47, 9 September 2023 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing this article. I don't have too much experience with this series so that will make it more fitting.Tintor2 (talk) 20:47, 9 September 2023 (UTC) First things:
- The first sentence doesn't explain what is exactly the Deus Ex series. If it's multimedia or video games. Same with his two roles as protagonists. I suggest putting they are games and or possibly what type of game.
- "He is introduced" I know he was introduced in Human Revolution or (the comics?), so I'd add that to the sentence.
- For the images there is something that confuses me. In the lead there is mention of a coat but the infobox image he has no such thing. If the Human Revolution game had the coat, I would suggest adding it to the lead like you did with Lightning and then move the sequel image to the body article.
That's all for now.Tintor2 (talk) 23:07, 9 September 2023 (UTC)
- Appearances
I managed to understand everything going on here so the prose is looking good. However, there is something that bugs me:
- Shouldn't the DLC content be included alongside the main games appearances? If it becomes too long and it can't be expanded I would suggest separating the games as subsections like:
- Appearances:
- Deus Ex Human Revolution
- Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
- Other appearances.
- Creation and design
- This one could be where you could put the other nonfree image if the two designs are covered a lot by the staff members.
- If there is notable weight, you could also put the free image of Mary DeMarle
Tintor2 (talk) 00:03, 10 September 2023 (UTC)
- Reception
- Since the first paragraph contains both positive and negative commentary, I suggest adding contrasting part like "On the other hand, positive response was also written by the media" or something like that.
The second paragraph has a lot of in-depth commentary so it's fine. Maybe I'm nitpicking a bit so don't feel forced to do everything I pointed. Ping me once everything is done. Good work.Tintor2 (talk) 00:23, 10 September 2023 (UTC)
- @Tintor2: I've done my best with the above. Rewrote the lead slightly, added an image of Adam's trenchcoat look, delineated the two games' events (kept related media separate), and included the DeMarle image as there is a lot of commentary from her relating to his character. --ProtoDrake (talk) 09:40, 10 September 2023 (UTC)