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Talk:2010 Goody's Fast Pain Relief 500

Latest comment: 14 years ago by Miller17CU94 in topic GA Review
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Good article2010 Goody's Fast Pain Relief 500 has been listed as one of the Sports and recreation good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Article milestones
DateProcessResult
April 17, 2010Good article nomineeListed

Peer review by Royalbroil

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Latest comment: 14 years ago51 comments3 people in discussion
  • The link to references for the Results table is always placed on an item on the first row if they cover the entire table, usually by the first item like the winner's name.
  • Need more sourcing, like the date of the race, that it was rain delayed, television/radio network
  • "The pole-sitter will be Kevin Harvick[9], and Casey Mears, Terry Cook, and Johnny Sauter would not qualify." mixes tense of verbs - should all be written in the past tense since it already happened. -> The pole-sitter was Kevin Harvick; Casey Mears, Terry Cook, and Johnny Sauter missed the race after never having a chance to qualify.
  • "During Happy Hour (the final practice), the fastest were Jamie McMurray, Jeff Burton, Clint Bowyer, Jeff Gordon, and Denny Hamlin" is written in a passive tense. It would be better to say "The faster cars in Happy Hour (the final practice) were ..."
  • Spelling error - I always paste the article into Word and spell check it - causeed is the wrong spelling for caused
  • Sourcing - The first sentences of the race summary section
  • Awkward start to that section - 2 thoughts in the first sentence. I suggest - The race was scheduled to start on Sunday March 28, 2010 but rain delayed the event until noon Eastern Daylight Savings Time on Monday March 29. The pre-race ceremonies began...
  • "Robby Gordon also had to go to the back because of an engine change." is awkward. I suggestion "Robby Gordon was sent to the back of the starting grid because he changed engines".
  • "It was also announced that NASCAR would have a competition caution at lap 50." is awkward/passive. I suggest "NASCAR announced before the race that there would be a competition caution on lap 50".
    • We need to have a definition what a competition caution is, so I added it to the List_of_motorsport_terminology which you can link to by piping like this: [[List_of_motorsport_terminology#C|competition caution]].
  • "Where the caution happened with few laps to go until the competition caution it counted for it." is awkward. How about "Since this caution came out near NASCAR's schedule competition caution on Lap 50, NASCAR canceled the competition caution" - it's better but could be done a little better.
  • "On lap 46 Kevin Harvick led to the green flag with Kurt Busch second." is missing a comma between 46 and Kevin. That comma is your Achilles' heel. Grammar says you need a comma after you start with a short phrase then change to the main subject. The same thing with the section sentence - "After a ten lap run,"... they're everywhere in these paragraphs. I'll let you finish them first. I might not get back to the review for another day or two. Royalbroil 03:10, 9 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
  • "lead change on lap 199 most" needs a comma after 199 - that same problem again
  • "On the restart Denny Hamlin" comma after restart - that same problem
  • "Soon after Jeff Burton" comma before Jeff
  • "Jeff Burton led them to the next green flag which was on lap 310." - you're writing like I talk - "which was" is poor grammar
  • "After five laps under green the ninth caution came out because Marcos Ambrose had a tire going down." - comma after green - same problem - do you see the pattern? It's when you could move the phrase elsewhere in the sentence - you could easily write "The ninth caution came out after five laps under green because...." It's a weaker sentence structure to start with a modifying phrase then hit the main wording - good to mix it up more both ways.
  • "Jeff Burton stayed the leader until lap 358 after a multiple-lap battle that ended with Denny Hamlin the leader." How about "Jeff Burton battled Denny Hamlin for several laps until Hamlin passed for the lead on lap 358."
  • "Six laps later the tenth caution" - comma after later - same problem
  • "After the lead lap cars pit the outcome would make Denny Hamlin the leader." - several problems - I would rewrite from scratch - as is the problems are: tense for pit (pitted), comma missing after pit, awkward sounding "the outcome would make Hamlin the leader"
  • "Denny Hamlin led eighteen laps until he was passed by Jeff Burton on lap 390" - okay, but how about the simpler "Hamlin led 18 laps until Burton passed him back on lap 390" - simpler yet ties together several sentences better
  • "On lap 405, Denny Hamlin passed Jeff Burton lead once again." - maybe move back 1 paragraph to tie together thoughts? I see that you've grouped 100 laps into paragraphs and it isn't very importance - but you could try another shorter sentence again - between Burton & lead is missing some words
  • "The green flag was out" - "came out" is more formal than "was out"
  • "Jamie McMurray received a black flag due to the rear panel of his car coming loose" - My personal preference is to not use "due" because I think it sounds awkward and non-professional
  • "Under the caution Kyle Busch (running second) and Denny Hamlin (running first) went to pit road which gave the lead to Jeff Gordon. " parenthesis are awkward - how about "Under the caution, second place Kyle Busch and leader Hamlin went to pit road which gave Jeff Gordon the lead."
  • "The green flag was given on lap 496 which caused a green-white-checker" - why? The race was schedule to run 500 laps, right?
  • First, the lap shoud be 498. A green-white-checker does not mean "overdrive", but does mean that they would only have two laps of green flag laps before the end of the race. --Nascar1996 20:19, 14 April 2010 (UTC)Reply
  • "came out because Kyle Busch got sideways as a result of three-wide racing." I don't understand this one - any more details? Who were the 3 cars? "As a result of" is weak structure. It's very much a NASCAR terminology. How about something to the effect of "Busch was battling two other cars (have any names?); his car went sideways after contact..."
  • "After the caution the race went into overdrive" - comma after caution - only a NASCAR fan will understand what "overdrive" is - maybe add to list of motorsport terminology and link to it?? This is a new term that I've hardly ever heard (but I only watch a few NASCAR races anymore)
  • "On the last lap Denny Hamlin pushed Ryan Newman out of the way while he was passing Jeff Gordon." - better source this one from a very reliable source because "pushing someone out of the way" is a very controversial statement about a living person and causes problems with WP:BLP - this is a big problem which needs to be fixed before it gets its GA review
  • "Then Matt Kenseth, who was the leader, drove his car into the corner too hard giving up the lead to Denny Hamlin." - need source for "drove into the corner too hard" - BLP and controversial again
  • THROUGHOUT - I would abbreviate to just their last names in most cases - too much Denny Hamlin instead of the standard Hamlin. It's very hard to read through all of the full names - full names only the first instance and when two names fit the bill (like Kyle & Kurt Busch if they're battling)
  • You did a much better job of varying the prose in the race summary section.
  • Table - I think you're supposed to do a wikilink on each line for the team - just like you do for the driver
  • References section look tidy/neat and very reliable
  • Images look great - topical - a nice image of Hamlin's car would be excellent to add, but only if the same paint scheme

GA Review

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Latest comment: 14 years ago8 comments2 people in discussion
Well-written

For the last sentence, the Atlanta race took place on March 7 while the previous race was in Bristol on March 21. Also change 8 to eight.

  • Practice and qualifying section.
    • List when all of the practices and qualifying took place.
  • Race summary section.
    • Change all EST times to EDT.
    • In the opening paragraph's lead sentence, change "...,2010 but rain delayed the event until noon EST..." to "...2010, but was rain delayed until noon EDT...". In the second sentence, pipe in Henry County, Virginia. When did Robby Gordon change engines in the third sentence? For the second to last sentence, add a comma after 75.
    • For the second sentence of the second paragraph, change "...125 Juan Pablo Montoya slammed..." to "...125, Juan Pablo Montoya collided...". Change pit to had pitted in the fourth sentence.
    • In the lead sentence of the third paragraph, change "...eight caution came out as a result of..." to "...eighth caution came out because...". For the third sentence, change going down to deflating on his car after tire.
    • For the final paragraph, change going down to deflated after "Jeff Burton's car" in the fourth sentence.
  • Results section
    • List the caution laps, leader laps both in order and number of laps, who lead the race, and who led the most laps?
Factually accurate and verifiable.
Broad in coverage
  • Focuses on the race for the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup season
  • Makes no mention of Edwards' probation in the rest of the article despite being mentioned in the lead section.
Neutral
  • Has good views - no issues.
Stable
  • Numerous edits since the March 29th race, but mainly for article improvement.
Images
  • Valid.
  • Put captions of when the pictures were taken. Harvick's was in 2006 while Hamlin's was in 2007.
Overall
  • Hold - needs work, but can be done.

Reviewer: Chris (talk) 15:24, 16 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

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