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Talk:2008 Philadelphia Phillies season/GA1

< Talk:2008 Philadelphia Phillies season
Latest comment: 15 years ago by Wizardman in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 15 years ago18 comments2 people in discussion

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It'll be a while before I'm able to do a full review, but I do have something I can start with you. I checked the References and found the following issues:

  • Refs #7 (resnick), #15 (maddux/gold glove) and #19 (zolecki) are dead. Luckily, you may only need to remove the url from them, since I think you have everything else needed.
  • Ref #39 needs the appropriate info added, as does ref #89 Ref #90 needs a bit of fixing too.

This shouldn't take too long, plus it saves me from having to do that tedious task later. Wizardman

I will review the article this weekend. With what's going on in the Arbitration Committee the past 24 hours and over the next few days, there's no way I can find time or the right mindset to review this properly. Wizardman 16:57, 14 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

Not a problem at all, no rush. I am fully cognizant of all you do around here. Cheers. KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 18:19, 14 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

All right, here's the review. Took a while, but I think I hit everything:

  • The lead is overreferenced; if they are referenced further down in the article then they don't need to be in the lead.
  • Hm. I'm used to writing featured lists, so I'm used to seeing heavily referenced leads. To be honest with you, I'm not sure I agree with that. Is there really such a thing as "over-referencing"? KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 21:20, 18 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • I've gone through and removed what seemed to be extraneous by this thought process. KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 18:11, 19 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • "Statistical leaders in batting for the 2008 team included right fielder Shane Victorino (batting average, .293), first baseman Ryan Howard (home runs, 48; runs batted in, 146), and second baseman Chase Utley (runs scored, 113)." Good, but the multiple parentheses in the paragraph bother me. Maybe make the sentence more active (i.e. Right fielder Shane Victorino led the team in batting average with .293, first baseman...) Not a big deal if it stays like this though.
  • I could change the wording, but I worry about too much passive voice and multiple semicolons in one sentence creating run-ons if I do. So I think I will leave it for now. KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 21:20, 18 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • Could we have dates for the departures and arrivals section of when they happened? (it'd be useful in retentions too, though not as necessary).
  • Spell out position names.
  • In the "controversy with the mets" section, I'm not positive where the controversy comes in. If there was an outcry from Beltran's remarks, add this information in.
  • Well, the controversy was related to the 2007 prediction and its relation to Beltran's statement. I had a quote in here from Rollins quite a while back but by the time I went back to reference it, all of the articles were gone. I will continue to search.
  • New York Times... I think that's a good reference! Lucky to find it. Done. KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 18:24, 19 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • Make sure all jargon is linked in its first appearance (i believe i caught any that were missed, this is just a note)
  • "The following evening, the Phillies saw starter Jamie Moyer give up seven runs over the first three innings of their game against the Mets, only to make up that deficit, scoring the tying run in the ninth; catcher Chris Coste capped the comeback by going four-for-four coming off of the bench and driving in the winning run with a bases-loaded single to deep center in the bottom of the 13th inning" citation needed.
  • Slight reword and ref added. 21:20, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

So far this is just through the regular season. I'll add in more tomorrow. Wizardman 03:31, 18 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

Everything fixed looks good. I can't believe I completely forgot to finish this review >< I'll do that. Wizardman 06:09, 25 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

Okay, FINALLY postseason onward! This slipped my mind, again my apologies.

  • "Echoing their four-game sweep of Milwaukee in the beginning of September," they didn't sweep Milwaukee in the NLDS so this doesn't sound right.
  • The summaries of the playoff games (NLD/CS) are pretty bare bones. That being said, the article's already large enough as it is. I won't worry about it though others may at a later date. They are good summaries at least, this is just a note since I'd like a slight expansion of a couple of the shorter ones.
  • Another option would be to just show the box scores for the NLDS/NLCS, since links to the main articles are already included, and then roll the summaries into a "lead"-style paragraph about each series. I think that this is the route I would prefer to take; would that work for you? KV5 • Squawk box • Fight on! 17:20, 28 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
  • Hm, that's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that; go ahead. Wizardman 17:23, 28 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

That's pretty much it. Lemme know when this is done. Wizardman 04:36, 28 January 2009 (UTC)Reply

After reading through it again, it does look and read like a Good Article now. Good work, and thanks for being patient with me :) Wizardman 14:05, 29 January 2009 (UTC)Reply
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