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Jennifer Rehor | |
|---|---|
 Jennifer Rehor at the San Diego Public Library Local Author Showcase, 2023 | |
| Born | Jennifer Eve Cavaliero June 2, 1972 |
| Education | |
| Occupations |
|
| Years active | 2016 - present |
| Notable work | |
| Title | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT 94564)
|
| Website | AffirmingTherapyCenter.com |
Jennifer Rehor is a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapist (AASECT) and an author. She is the co-founder and president of the San Diego Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity (GSRD) Therapist Forum, and the founder and CEO of Affirming Marriage and Family Counseling and Sex Therapy Center, PC ("Affirming Therapy Center"), a Marriage and Family Therapy practice dedicated to serving and supporting communities of Gender, Sexual, and Relationship Diversity.
Research
editSensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community
editRehor’s 2015 paper, Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community, was an international study of 1,580 female participants over the age of 18, from 49 US states and 21 countries, asking questions about their sensual, erotic, or sexual behaviors.
Background
editUnconventional sensual, erotic, and sexual behaviors (referred to as kink behaviors) investigated by academia are based largely on male participants due to the difficulties of finding female participants.[1][2] In addition, in two quantitative studies that analyzed behaviors of female kink practitioners, the small sample sizes of women were reduced further by researchers omitting responses from professionals.[3][4] In part due to these small sample sizes, it was conjectured that few women participated in kink and those who did participate did so only at the request of a male partner or for financial gain.[5] These assumptions did not leave room for the idea that women enjoy these activities for their own sensual or erotic pleasure nor did it explain the existence of women-only kink events or organizations.
Survey
editQuestions about sensual, erotic, or sexual behaviors and activities were categorized as follows: 62 BDSM-related behaviors, 10 role-play scenarios, 5 forms of exhibitionistic behaviors, 8 forms of erotica, 5 broad categories of fetishistic behaviors, 24 overt sexual activities, and 12 miscellaneous erotic activities. Participants provided 72 additional “other” activities through fill-in answers.
Out of the 126 erotic stimuli provided in the survey, the women willingly participated in an average of 57.72 activities with a standard deviation of 22.47. The number of activities participants engaged in ranged from 1 to 121. This number does not include the additional 72 categories created by the “other” fill-in responses.
The survey included many free-text questions to allow the participants to clarify or discuss their answers, such as “For the activities you checked in the previous section, if there is anything else about your experiences that you would like to add,” and “If there is anything else you’d like to add or clarify about your sexual lifestyle, please do so.”
Results
editWhen considering all forms of sensual, erotic, and sexual behaviors listed in the survey, the 20 most common activities (in any form) are as follows:
| Activity | Percent |
|---|---|
| Touching (caress, cuddle, massage, tickle) | 99.62 |
| Kissing, licking, sucking | 99.56 |
| Spanking | 95.70 |
| Hair pulling | 93.16 |
| Biting | 92.03 |
| Scratching/leaving marks/abrasion | 90.06 |
| Use bondage toys (chains, gags, cuffs, rope, etc.) | 87.53 |
| Moderate bondage (can’t get out on own/with mobility) | 86.39 |
| Masturbation (solo) | 86.01 |
| Cunnilingus (stimulating woman’s genitals with mouth) | 85.63 |
| Light bondage (able to get out if you wanted to) | 85.13 |
| Paddling | 84.24 |
| Breast play: slap, clothespins, etc. | 83.16 |
| Hand job (stimulating genitals with hands/ fingers) | 82.78 |
| Flogging | 81.90 |
| Fellatio (stimulating a man’s genitals with mouth) | 81.08 |
| Grooming (shaving, manicure, pedicure, brush hair, etc.) | 80.63 |
| Stimulating anus with fingers or penis | 80.63 |
| Genital play: slap, kick, clothespins, etc. | 80.38 |
| Ice play | 80.06 |
This was somewhat similar to previous research. From their female sample, Levitt et al.[4] reported “clear preferences for bondage, spanking (the traditional bondage and discipline duo), oral sex, and the master–slave game…” (p. 471). However, in this present sample there were several other activities that were equally as common, or more common, including light sensations/tactile play, masturbation, breast play, and anal play.
More than half of the survey sample (n = 887; 56.14 %) indicated that they participated in at least one of the five categories of exhibitionistic behavior (erotic pleasure from being observed) listed in the survey.
| Activity | Percent |
|---|---|
| Showing bare breasts | 71.36 |
| Engaging in public sex | 57.27 |
| Being naked | 50.17 |
| Acting out sexual fantasy/role play | 46.67 |
| Showing genitals | 37.09 |
| Other | 11.61 |
The psychological component of kink is also demonstrated in part by the significant number of women from this sample (n = 1384; 87.59 %) who participated in at least one of the 10 role-play scenarios presented (in any form).
| As the “Top” | As the “bottom” | Top and/or bottom | Observing | Participate (in any form) | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Master/slave fantasy play | 30.56 | 60.12 | 71.24 | 49.64 | 83.53 |
| Danger fantasy play | 18.06 | 50.94 | 58.67 | 40.82 | 72.04 |
| Jobs/occupation play (e.g., boss) | 27.67 | 46.24 | 55.64 | 40.68 | 69.44 |
| Animal play | 15.10 | 25.65 | 34.39 | 48.27 | 61.56 |
| Medical play | 19.80 | 23.27 | 33.31 | 38.37 | 53.90 |
| Age regression play (e.g., guardian/child) | 14.60 | 29.62 | 36.05 | 35.40 | 53.83 |
| Religious play (e.g., priest/nun) | 8.16 | 11.85 | 15.75 | 24.93 | 32.30 |
| Incest play (fantasy) | 8.45 | 19.94 | 22.76 | 16.18 | 29.62 |
| Age progression play | 0.79 | 0.87 | 1.45 | 8.24 | 9.39 |
| Sex with corpse (fantasy) | 0.94 | 3.18 | 3.61 | 5.42 | 7.80 |
| Other = 4.77 %. Terms for “Top” category included “Master,” “someone in charge,” “trainer,” “caretaker.” Terms for “bottom” category included “slave,” “subordinate,” “animal,” and “someone being taken care of”. | |||||
Female-Specific Erotic Behaviors
editThe survey included activities that are likely to be unique to females (and therefore had not been addressed in previous quantitative studies about kink behaviors). These activities included hair pulling, breast play, corset training, breast torture, imposed masculinization, showing bare breasts, ingesting vaginal fluid, passing female vaginal fluid from mouth-to-mouth, using a strap-on dildo to penetrate vagina, stimulating vagina with other sex toys, vaginal fisting, mammary intercourse, using a strap-on dildo to penetrate anus, and non-penetrative genital to genital contact. Additional categories from the fill-in responses that also may be unique to women included lactation play (such as adult breastfeeding/adult erotic nursing/drinking or squirting of breast milk), stimulating vagina with breast, blood play using menstrual blood, cunnilingus on menstruating woman, stimulation of g-spot, clitoris, or nipples, double/triple/multiple penetration (vaginal, anal, oral), cuckolding, using one partner to have sexual encounters with another person, squirting vaginal fluid, swallowing and playing with own vaginal fluids, and strap-on cock sucking.
The results of the research reaffirmed the existence of female kink practitioners. The women who participated indicated that they each willingly engaged in kink behaviors for their own enjoyment. The number of women who responded to the survey, the number of activities each woman was involved with, and the range of activities participated in, considered with the willingness to disclose such details, indicate a vibrant, ardent participation in the kink community that has thus far outpaced academic perceptions. The results of the study expand our understanding of the depth and breadth of female sexual expression. [6]
Reception
editSensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community has been cited in over 40 academic publications as of 2024. The study has been cited in Medical News Today’s article “What to know about bondage sex” and Psychology Today's article "Kinky Women: How Do They Play?".
The study was analyzed in Sexual Medicine, Volume 3, Issue 2, June 2015, in an article titled Female Mental Health.
Jennifer Rehor was interviewed by Eric Spitznagel of Men's Health magazine in an article titled "1,580 Women Reveal Their Surprising (and Sometimes Frightening) Erotic Fantasies", in which Mr. Spitznagle sought clarification of various aspects of the study, including edge and blood play, semen drinking and recipes, and the differences between whipping and flogging.
Publication
editWomen and Kink: Relationships, Reasons, and Stories
edit
In 2021, Rehor, along with her co-author, Julia Schiffman, published their book, “Women and Kink: Relationships, Reasons, and Stories”, based on 2,070 answers to the free-text questions in the survey used in the Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community research study.
The book organizes the women’s stories into seven chapters:
Introduction
editThe authors explain the data that are explored for the purpose of Women and Kink, weaving together ideas about various aspects of kink, levels of engagement with kink, relationship status, reasons for participating, and more elaborate stories provided by the study’s participants.
Aspects of Kink
editThe women detail, explain, expand, and clarify ideas about kink as it relates to sexual desire, activities, and enjoyment, orgasms, pain and pleasure, the mind and altered mental states, spirituality, worship, rituals, ceremonies, and redemption, the kink community and the sense of community kink provides, dealing with risk and safety, concepts of implicit and explicit consent, exhibitionism and voyeurism, role play and fantasies, erotic fetishism, and money, both as a client and as a professional.
Engagement with Kink
editEach person’s engagement with kink is unique and can be fantasy, novelty, a casual indulgence, a hidden lifestyle or public lifestyle, or a core identity. Women identify as dominant, sadist, switch, submissive, masochist, exhibitionist, dyke, and slave. Women in our study reveal that they have recollections of kink from early childhood or adolescence, and others discover this aspect of themselves later in life. Involvement with kink waxes and wanes as needs and desires change. Kinky women lead vanilla lives and explore increasingly taboo spaces, and their kinky side might be their sexy side or it might be completely separate from sexuality.
Relationship Status
editThe original study listed the following 11 relationship categories to choose from:
- single (never married/domestic partnership)
- divorced/separated
- widowed
- casual BDSM relationship(s)/play partner(s)
- long-term relationship
- married/domestic partner
- monogamous
- polyamorous/open relationship/polyfidelity
- swingers
- BDSM family
- 24/7 BDSM relationship
with the instructions to “check all that apply.” The variation in relationship styles became apparent when respondents were given the opportunity to self-describe their unique situations. Nearly 10% of the survey respondents wrote about their relationships beyond those 11 categories. The themes that came from this data include relationships without formal commitments, single-plus, primary-plus, power dynamics, non-monogamy, marriage including platonic marriage, and chosen families.
Reasons for Participating in Kink
editThere are three main categories for participating in kink: (1) personal reasons, which covers enjoyment as a physical sensation, a creative outlet, and stress relief, self-discovery to learn about life and limits, and resilience, including dealing with past issues, shame, fear, and self-acceptance; (2) relational reasons, including giving and receiving pleasure both BSDM and sexual, having defined roles and structure to create a stable foundation, and increasing trust and vulnerability to help better connect with yourself and with others; and (3) sexual reasons, specifically arousal, desire, orgasm, and aftercare.
Stories
editSome of the more in-depth stories these women told are included in this chapter. The intimate details, pieces, and treasures of each woman’s tale are exposed through their own narratives. Each woman paints a picture of their lives, loves, and desires. These women teach us that kink is love, is a love language, and is deep, emotional, intimate feelings for more than one person at the same time. Kink is life integrated intimately into the life of another and is experiencing and longing for more intimacy. Kink is pain, both giving and receiving, is service-oriented, and is multifaceted roles. Kink is messy, isolating, taboo, creativity, really submissive, really dominant, liberating, open, and natural. Kink is passionately following your instincts.
Conclusion
edit
The final chapter reviews some of the findings from the research, including lessons learned from the quotations provided, a review of the various types of relationships, the reasons people participate in kink activities, and insight gleaned from the personal stories. Each of the women in the Study has her own perspective and experiences, and collectively their stories demonstrate the diversity of experiences. These examples provide more rich understandings of how people come together: in play, in romance, in love, in sex, in friendship, and in community. This chapter explores the problems with labels and the joys with research, addresses sample size, and submits final thoughts.
“Women and Kink: Relationships, Reasons, and Stories” is featured in the Leather Archives & Museum, the Women’s Museum of California, and the Local Author Showcase of the San Diego Public Library.
Community Activity
editSan Diego Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity (GSRD) Therapist Forum
editIn 2018, Rehor co-founded (along with Dr. John McConnell) the San Diego Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity (GSRD) Therapist Forum. The goal of the forum is to socialize, provide peer-to-peer support, share resources, build referral networks, collaborate on special projects, and feel less isolated. As of 2024, the group has 299 members.
Rehor's business, Affirming Therapy Center, annually sponsors a booth at San Diego Pride in the Leather Realm, which has a mission of educational outreach. Members of the GSRD Therapists Forum volunteer, providing guidance and community resources.
International Outreach
edit
Jennifer Rehor attend West Pride, Sweden's second largest pride festival, in Göteborg, Sweden, in 2022.
Jennifer Rehor was in Oslo, Norway, in 2022 visiting the Scandinavian Leather Men Oslo and attending Oslo Pride when two people were killed and twenty-one people were wounded in the 2022 Oslo shooting.
In 2023, Affirming Therapy Center sponsored and Jennifer Rehor hosted Mr. Leather Norway 2022, Georg Luschgy, who spoke to the community on a variety of topics including the Leather communities in Europe and how they are similar and different from those in the US, his experiences with titleholdership and International Mr. Leather contests, Scandinavian Leather Men Oslo, and other topics of particular interest to the community. Rehor and Mr. Luschgy also spoke of their experiences and reactions to 2022 Oslo shooting.
Local Outreach
editJennifer Rehor was interviewed by Dr. Dana McNeil, PsyD, LMFT, on her The D Spot Podcast, in which Dr. McNeil and Ms. Rehor discussed different approaches to sex and couples therapy, and how they may be integrated into sessions with couples; the ins and outs of sex therapy, the different techniques and approaches by therapists; and the different needs that couples may have in terms of sexual compatibility.
Need information here.
References
edit- ^ Moser, C., & Levitt, E. (1987). An exploratory descriptive study of a sadomasochictically oriented sample. Journal of Sex Research, 23, 322–337. doi:10.1080/00224498709551370.
- ^ Sandnabba, N., Santtila, P., & Nordling, N. (1999). Sexual behavior and social adaptation among sadomasochistically-oriented males. Journal of Sex Research, 36, 273–282. doi:10.1080/00224499909551997.
- ^ Breslow, N., Evans, L., & Langley, J. (1985). On the prevalence and roles of females in the sadomasochistic subculture: Report of an empirical study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 14, 303–317. doi:10.1007/BF01550846.
- ^ a b Levitt, E., Moser, C., & Jamison, K. (1994). The prevalence and some attributes of females in the sadomasochistic subculture: A second report. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 23, 465–473. doi:10.1007/BF01541410.
- ^ Breslow, N., Evans, L., & Langley, J. (1985). On the prevalence and roles of females in the sadomasochistic subculture: Report of an empirical study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 14, 303–317. doi:10.1007/BF01550846.
- ^ Rehor, Jennifer Eve (May 1, 2015). "Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the "Kink" Community". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 44 (4): 825–836. doi:10.1007/s10508-015-0524-2. ISSN 1573-2800. PMC 4379392. PMID 25795531.
This article incorporates text available under the CC BY 4.0 license.
