Wikipedia:Peer review/Resident Evil 2/archive1

This peer review discussion has been closed.

Resident Evil 2

After the FA nomination I have recently withdrawn, I want to improve the prose of the article to better fulfill criterion 1a. A lot was already addressed in the FAN, but a thorough copyedit was requested by a user before they support the nomination: So yeah, coming here mostly for copyedits, that is correcting remaining mistakes, pointing out weird wordings, and ensuring that everything can be understood by readers. Prime Blue (talk) 14:52, 21 April 2011 (UTC)

• Reserving this space. You're really helping me out with your PR of Terra Nova. As soon as I can grab some free time, I'll give you a thorough prose review. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 06:33, 6 May 2011 (UTC)
• Still needs a lot more copy-editing. the captions are just way too specific and detailed when they can be much simpler. I'll say more later, but this is one of the things that i spot on the first look.Bread Ninja (talk) 09:43, 8 May 2011 (UTC)
  • Re: Changed the first image caption, which I guess was the biggest problem here.

Lead:

• "is a survival horror video game by Capcom originally released for the PlayStation in 1998."
  • Would flow better as "is a 1998 survival horror video game developed and published by Capcom". I'm not sure the "Originally released for the PlayStation" part is that important, since it's been re-released so many times, but that's up to you. I recommend putting it in a later sentence, though, to avoid cramming too much into the opening.
    • Re: Put the Capcom aspect in the second sentence (left out published since the game has different publishers even for the PS version) and kept the PlayStation part as its needed for the third paragraph (I wouldn't know how to introduce this in the sentence on the ports without blowing everything out of proportion).
• "turned into zombies"
  • This seems a little on the unencyclopedic side. Perhaps "transformed" into zombies? I'm not sure. I've had trouble with similar sentences before, so I understand how difficult it is.
    • Re: Changed.
• "The gameplay of Resident Evil 2 primarily focuses on exploration, solving puzzles, and fighting enemies, although the title also contains typical elements of the survival horror genre, such as limited saves and ammunition"
  • "The gameplay of Resident Evil 2 focuses on exploration, puzzle solving, and combat, and features typical survival horror elements such as limited saves and ammunition."
    • Re: Changed. Does "puzzle solving" need a hyphen?
      • I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Can't say I'm 100% positive, though. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:50, 11 May 2011 (UTC)
        • Looked it up at The Chicago Manual of Style, does not have a hyphen. Prime Blue (talk) 12:29, 12 May 2011 (UTC)
• "The main improvement over the predecessor is the "Zapping System" that provides each playable character with a different scenario featuring unique storylines and puzzles."
  • "Improvement" sounds a bit on the POV side. Perhaps, "The game's main difference from its predecessor is the "Zapping System", which provides each playable character with unique scenarios, subplots and puzzles." Makes the sentence less of a mouthful, while removing the offending line.
    • Re: Changed. Left out "scenarios" with the new wording as it could be interpreted as totally different environments.
• "supported by a soundtrack that employs "desperation" as the underlying theme of the musical compositions."
  • "supported by a soundtrack that employs "desperation" as an underlying theme." Since "theme" is a musical term, cutting it down to this is clear enough.
    • Re: This wasn't meant to be connected to the term "musical theme" (as in "a single piece created for a character/place etc."), but rather the atmosphere they were trying to convey with the overall music.
      • Oh. Well, I still say that "the underlying theme of the musical compositions" is a bit clunky, but it's your call. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:50, 11 May 2011 (UTC)
• "Following the initial success on the PlayStation".
  • "Following its initial success on the PlayStation".
    • Re: Changed.
• "Well-received by critics, the game was praised for its atmosphere, setting, graphics, and audio, but criticized for its controls, voice acting, and some of its gameplay elements."
  • "The game was well received (no hyphen) by critics, who praised its atmosphere, setting, graphics, and audio. Its controls, voice acting, and inventory system were negatively reviewed, however, and certain critics disliked its puzzles." Splitting the sentence in two makes it easier to read; also, I specified the meaning of "some of its gameplay elements" to avoid suspense.
    • Re: Changed.
• "Resident Evil 2 was included in several lists of the 100 best games, has become a million-seller, and is the franchise's most successful title on a single platform."
  • This sentence is a bit on the clunky side. Try splitting the last two parts into their own sentence: "The game became a million-seller, and is the franchise's most successful title on a single platform". Also, re-reading the last paragraph, I suddenly realized that it's slightly out of order. The first sentence refers to the game's "success", when this fact has not yet been established. I recommend putting sentence 2 (or, with the above variation, sentences 2 and 3) at the beginning, followed directly by the rewritten "million-seller" line. Then the "Years after its first release, Resident Evil 2 was included in several lists of the 100 best games" part. After that, I recommend this construction:
    • "Following its initial success on the PlayStation, Resident Evil 2 was ported to Microsoft Windows, the Nintendo 64, Dreamcast and Nintendo GameCube, and was released as a modified 2.5D version for the Game.com handheld. The story of the game was retold and built upon in several later games, and adapted into a variety of licensed works."
      • Re: Changed.

That's all I've got today. I'll re-read the lead for continuity errors once you've gone over it. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:38, 10 May 2011 (UTC)

• Re: Replied in line. Removed the serial commas as I normally avoid them. Prime Blue (talk) 13:56, 11 May 2011 (UTC)
  • I do too, but I don't usually make a big deal about them when reviewing/copyediting. Anyway, replied inline where appropriate, and re-read the lead. It's looking much better. I noticed one other thing, though:
    • "development stage of 60–80 percent, deemed too dull and boring by the producer"
      • Would read better as "after being deemed too dull", I think.
  • Anyway, I'll review the next section today or tomorrow. Good work. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:50, 11 May 2011 (UTC)

Gameplay:

• "A survival horror title, Resident Evil 2 follows the same basic gameplay mechanics as its predecessor, Resident Evil."
  • "As a survival horror title, Resident Evil 2 features the same basic gameplay mechanics as its predecessor, Resident Evil." Another option: "As a survival horror title, Resident Evil 2's gameplay is fundamentally similar to that of its predecessor, Resident Evil." Your choice.
    • Re2: Changed.
• "The player explores different locations while solving puzzles and fighting numerous monsters.["
  • "The player explores the game's world while solving puzzles and fighting monsters." Avoids the vagueness of "different locations" and removes a redundant word ("numerous").
    • Re2: Changed.
      • Re3: Changed "game's world" to "a fictional city" to avoid repeating "game's" in the next sentence.
• "The two selectable protagonists may be equipped with a variety of firearms"
  • "The two protagonists may be equipped with a variety of firearms, such as [insert relevant term] and [insert relevant term]". I think it's too vague as-is.
    • Re2: Removed "a variety of" as I don't want to go into gameguide-like specifics here (firearms should be self-explanatory).
• "On the status screen, the player can check the condition of the characters, use medicine to heal wounds inflicted upon them in battle, and assign weapons."
  • "On the status screen, the player can check the condition of the protagonists, use medicine to heal wounds, and assign weapons."
    • Re2: Changed.
• "Additionally, the current health of the protagonists can be determined by their animation and the speed of their movement. For example, wounded characters will hold their stomach in pain, whereas they will limp slowly when they are on the verge of death."
  • "The characters' current health can also be determined by their body language and movement speed; for example, wounded a character will hold his or her stomach in pain, while one on the verge of death will limp slowly."
    • Re2: Hesitating to use "body language" here. Completely reworded the second sentence for clunkiness.
• "The protagonists can carry only a limited number of items at a time, requiring the rest to be stored in and retrieved from boxes scattered across the locations."
  • "The protagonists may carry a limited number of items, and may store others for later retrieval in boxes placed throughout the game world."
    • Re2: Changed, but not so sure about the second part. "May" might be inappropriate as the storage is pretty much mandatory, and "for later retrieval" sounds a bit weird in the middle of the sentence there. Please check the changes.
• "Both characters are joined by a support partner who aids them in their survival and becomes playable for a short time."
  • This needs to be clarified. Having never played the game, I don't understand what you're describing here.
    • Re2: Reworded.
• "The game may be saved at some select rooms with a typewriter, though one-time-use ink ribbons are necessary to do so."
  • "Certain rooms contain typewriters that the player may use to save the game; however, each save expends one of a limited number of ink ribbons, which the player must collect in the game world." Longer, but clearer.
    • Re2: Changed.
• "The graphics are composed of real-time generated and thus movable polygonal character and item models, superimposed over pre-rendered backgrounds using fixed camera angles."
  • "The game's graphics are composed of real-time generated (and thus movable) polygonal character and item models, superimposed over pre-rendered backgrounds that are viewed from fixed camera angles."
    • Re2: Really hate brackets, used en dashes.

That's all for now. I'll finish working through Gameplay soon. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:14, 12 May 2011 (UTC)

• Re2 Prime Blue (talk) 11:14, 15 May 2011 (UTC)
• Sorry about the delay. I've been really busy, recently. I'll try to get back to this and the Terra Nova review within the week. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 07:36, 15 May 2011 (UTC)
  • Take your time, I'm quite busy myself in the next two weeks. Prime Blue (talk) 11:14, 15 May 2011 (UTC)
    • Thanks. Anyway, great job dealing with my comments thus far. I made a few tweaks to the first paragraph of Gameplay, but nothing major. I'll try to have the second paragraph reviewed by tomorrow. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:18, 15 May 2011 (UTC)

Gameplay, continued:

• "The main addition to the gameplay is the "Zapping System": Each of the two playable characters is confronted with different puzzles and storylines in their respective scenario."
  • Should specify what the "addition" is adding to. Perhaps, "The main addition to the series' formula"? Also, the first word after a colon isn't capitalized on Wikipedia. I think certain publications do it, but it's not standard practice here.
    • Re3: Worded it differently as the "Zapping System" has not become a staple of the series.
• "Actions taken during the first playthrough affect the second scenario, for example in the availability of certain items."
  • "Actions taken during the first playthrough affect the second; for example, the availability of certain items may be altered."
    • Re3: Changed.
• "and the number of saves and first aid sprays used."
  • "First aid sprays" are not mentioned before this. They should either be introduced earlier on, or this wording should be made more general.
    • Re3: Changed to "special healing items". Wouldn't know how to paraphrase it in another way since only this specific type of healing items is counted.
• "Depending on the player's accomplishments, bonus weapons and costumes are unlocked as a reward."
  • "bonus weapons and costumes may be unlocked as a reward".
    • Re3: Changed.
• "Additional minigames are available in the form of "The 4th Survivor", "The To-fu Survivor" and "Extreme Battle", three stand-alone missions featuring an extended cast of characters."
  • "The game contains three stand-alone minigames: "The 4th Survivor", "The To-fu Survivor" and "Extreme Battle". These feature an extended cast of characters, and provide goals such as [applicable description]." Could use some clarification, in my opinion.
    • Re3: Changed and expanded.

I'll hit Plot next. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 09:55, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

• Re3 Prime Blue (talk) 14:31, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

Really sorry about the delay. I just haven't been able to find time for Wikipedia, recently. Here's my review of Plot:

• "The game is set in the Midwestern American mountain community of Raccoon City, two months after the events of the first Resident Evil. Nearly all of the citizens have been transformed into zombies by an outbreak of the T-virus".
  • This structure could be read as "nearly all of the citizens of the first Resident Evil". Try, "The game is set two months after the events of the first Resident Evil, in the Midwestern American mountain community of Raccoon City". Also, change "the citizens" to "its citizens", just to clarify it beyond any doubt.
    • Re4: Changed.
• "and that Chris has left the town some time ago to investigate the Umbrella headquarters in Europe."
  • "and that Chris had left the town some time ago to investigate the Umbrella headquarters in Europe."
    • Re4: Changed.
• "With no more motivation to stay, the two protagonists decide to split up to look for other survivors and flee the city."
  • It says that they had no motivation to stay in the city, but then it mentions that they did, in fact, have a reason to stay (looking for survivors). Maybe I'm misunderstanding the meaning of the sentence, but I find it really unclear.
    • Re4: Leon's motivation to come to town was to take up his work as a police officer (but his colleagues are all dead), while Claire's was the search for her brother (who is not in town anymore) – that was the intended meaning. The script (in the reference) just says that the will try to help others during their escape, not that they will stay in the city for an extended rescue mission.
• "In search of an escape route, Claire meets a little girl named Sherry who is on the run from an unknown creature."
  • "While searching for an escape route ..."
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Leon encounters Ada Wong who claims to be looking for her boyfriend John, an Umbrella researcher."
  • "Leon encounters Ada Wong, who claims to be looking for her boyfriend John, an Umbrella researcher."
    • Also, perhaps those two sentences could be combined. As in, "... an unknown creature, and Leon encounters ...".
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Claire discovers that there is a conspiracy involving Raccoon City's police chief Brian Irons: he was bribed by Umbrella to cover up any evidence of the company's experiments in the outskirts of the city, and to conceal the development of the new G-virus, an agent capable of mutating a human into the ultimate bioweapon."
  • Kind of a mouthful. Try, "Claire discovers that Raccoon City's police chief, Brian Irons, had been bribed by Umbrella to hide evidence of the company's experiments in the outskirts of the city. He also concealed their development of the new G-virus, an agent capable of mutating a human into the ultimate bioweapon."
    • Re4: Changed.
• "The maniacal Irons is killed by one such G-virus mutant roaming the police department, while Claire and Sherry escape through the sewers and become separated."
  • I don't think Irons being maniacal is important to the reader's understanding. Try, "Irons is killed by a G-virus mutant in the police department ...".
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Splitting up from Leon"
  • "After splitting up with Leon".
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Ada runs into Sherry"
  • Kind of informal for an encyclopedia. Try, "Ada comes upon Sherry".
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Further into the sewers, a middle-aged woman fires at Ada, but Leon dives in front of her and takes a shot himself."
  • I find this sentence extremely confusing. Firstly, it's never mentioned when Ada entered the sewers; secondly, I thought Ada and Leon split up. Does Leon randomly appear at a critical moment, or did they meet up again before this? Clarification is needed.
    • Re4: Changed and clarified. The whereabouts of the protagonists are not that important at this point (I just included the "Further into the sewers" to show that Ada's still moving), though one can derive that Ada is in the sewers from her meeting with Sherry. Ada does indeed team up with Leon again, but only for a few minutes. Since they only split up in the sentence before, I didn't know how to word this while avoiding repetitiveness. Any wording better than "takes a shot himself" that would show how selfless and brave an act it was?
• "Ada follows the assassin who reveals herself to be Sherry's mother Annette, and the wife of William Birkin, the Umbrella scientist who created the G-virus."
  • Again, I'm confused. What happened to Leon? Is he dead or unconscious? Where is he? Also, referring to the woman as an "assassin" might be a bit of an overstatement. To keep it clear, try, "... follows the woman, who ...".
    • Re4: Changed and clarified.
• "Annette recognizes her daughter's pendant, and a battle over it ensues during which she is thrown over a railing."
  • "Annette recognizes her daughter's pendant and attempts to take it from Ada; a fight ensues, during which Annette is thrown over a railing."
    • Re4: Changed.
• "Ada finds out that the golden locket contains a sample of the G-virus, and later – taken over by her emotions – returns to Leon, tending to his bullet wound."
  • "Ada discovers that the golden locket contains a sample of the G-virus". Also, why would she need to be overtaken by emotion to save Leon? Considering that she's escaping the city with him, I'd assume that tending to his wound would be the obvious course of action. Perhaps, "... and returns to Leon, tending to his bullet wound."
    • Re4: Has to be worded something like that because she falls in love him (in the FAN, someone complained about Ada's love confession coming completely out of the blue). She is actually a coldblooded spy trying to steal the G-virus, but Leon's saving her is the incentive for Ada to return to him. I now included a sentence to show that she had inhibitions to team up with him again: "Ada reluctantly teams up with Leon again because he insists on his duty to protect her." As always, comment requested. Also, another word for "discovers" or "finds out"? "Discovers" is used in the following sentence already.
      • Changed it while making a few brief tweaks to the article. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:45, 24 May 2011 (UTC)
        • Re5: Thank you!
• "Claire is reunited with Sherry, and discovers that the mutated Birkin has already implanted his daughter with an embryo to produce offspring."
  • I don't understand. What's the goal behind this? Producing offspring, sure; that's what an embryo is for. But why would he even need to? And why "already", which suggests that it was the obvious course of action? Also, how and when, exactly, did he manage to do it? I mean, if it makes this little sense in-game, I can't really fault the writing. But, otherwise, some serious clarification is in order.
    • Re4: The implantation happens at an unspecified moment off-screen, while Sherry is separated from Claire. The game says that producing offspring is a natural consequence of G's "inherent survival instinct", and that there's two possible outcomes of an implantation, one being a similar mutation to Birkin's and the other being a less powerful monster that just spits out even smaller monsters, and that the first mutation can only be accomplished by implanting life forms with similar genetic coding, and that Birkin thus implanted his own daughter because it just makes so much sense...though I failed to see how this is notable with a plot section already longer than 700 words. You get the picture. ;-) I already cut a ton of subplots to get it down to the current length, so I just sticked to the "he's the bad guy and does bad things" routine.
      • I see. Well, there's not much that can be done, in that case. I do recommend removing the "already", though, since the average reader would not see this as an obvious turn of events. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:45, 24 May 2011 (UTC)
        • Re5: Changed.

That's all I've got for now. I'll try to get back faster, next time. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 14:06, 22 May 2011 (UTC)

Re4: Thanks, much clearer now. Prime Blue (talk) 16:19, 22 May 2011 (UTC)

Returning with Plot, continued:

• "The protagonists advance through an abandoned factory to Umbrella's secret underground research facility."
  • Who are the protagonists at this point? Leon and Claire? Claire and Sherry? Leon and Ada? Leon, Claire, Sherry and Ada? Specifying this would make it easier to follow. Also, is the abandoned factory related to Umbrella's underground facility? The sentence's wording suggests this as a possibility, but I don't know if it's the case. If it's not the case, then I recommend changing it to "advance through an abandoned factory, and make their way toward", or somesuch. If it is the case, clarify it beyond any doubt by saying, "through an abandoned factory connected to ...".
    • Re5: Good points, changed.
• "Ada is heavily wounded by an attack from Birkin, and Leon explores the laboratory to find something to treat her wounds."
  • I think "An attack by Birkin leaves Ada heavily wounded" would make it clearer when this event takes place chronologically. The original wording leaves open the possibility that Ada was injured earlier in the story. Also, to tighten up the second half of the sentence, try, "and Leon searches the laboratory for [specific thing, if applicable] to treat her wounds".
    • Re5: Changed, but nothing specific he was looking for (heh, might as well have used one of a dozen healing items he has in his pocket...).
• "He is interrupted by a psychotic Annette who explains to him that Ada's relationship with John was only a smokescreen to get information about Umbrella, as Ada is actually a spy sent to steal the G-virus for an unknown organization."
  • So did John actually exist? Was she with him to obtain information, or was he a lie she invented so that she could tag along with Leon? Just calling it a "smokescreen" makes either one a possibility. Either way, a comma is needed after "a psychotic Annette". Also, "... Umbrella: Ada is a spy sent to steal the G-virus for an unknown organization."
    • Re5: John did exist and she did have a relationship with him to spy on Umbrella (though I thought it was apparent with that wording). Possibly "a means of getting information about Umbrella"?
      • Here's the Merriam-Webster definition of smokescreen; it would apply to both scenarios, in my opinion. Either way, your new version is briefer, less informal and generally superior. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
• "Ada shows up again and gives her life to defeat the Tyrant and to rescue Leon, confessing that she fell in love with him."
  • "Ada returns" is less informal. Also, since Ada doesn't actually die, less certain wording would be preferable. How about: "Ada returns to save Leon, and defeats the Tyrant seemingly at the cost of her own life; she confesses her love to Leon as she dies."
    • Re5: Not entirely satisfied with that wording since it now mentions even more directly that she dies. Reworded, please check. Also, comma needed before "seemingly"?
      • I don't think a comma is needed. It sounds right to me, at least. Plus, it wouldn't need a comma if you were to remove the word "seemingly", so I assume that the addition of one word won't change it. Your version is better than mine; I knew that "as she dies" put things in unfortunately concrete terms, but I couldn't think of a better way of phrasing it. However, I think that the use of both "her last breath" and "her motionless body" ventures dangerously close to the realm of soap opera. It should be fine with just one, though; I'll let you pick. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
        • Re6: Went with the latter, as the "motionless body" thing is less cheesy and more important in the context.
• "However, she manages to give Claire instructions on how to produce a vaccine for Sherry, and to prevent the embryo from mutating her."
  • Saying "and to" suggests that the vaccine's purpose is not, in fact, to prevent the embryo from mutating her. Perhaps, "However, before she dies, she tells Claire how to create a vaccine that will neutralize the mutated embryo within Sherry." Briefer and more clear-cut.
    • Re5: Changed and reworded (since the embryo itself isn't mutated), please check.
      • Looks good. I assumed that the embryo was also mutated, but I guess that's not the case. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
• "Birkin – now mutated into a big lump of flesh and teeth – followed them"
  • I must admit that "big lump" made me laugh. I seem to remember someone complaining about the wording "massive blob" at the FAC, which I assume was an earlier form of this sentence. I think it still needs work, though. Would "amorphous creature" properly describe him, or can he not alter his form? If not, then perhaps, veering into thesaurus-ridden pseudo-intellectual territory, "now deformed into a large agglomeration of flesh and teeth"? Oh, and it should be "follows".
    • Re5: He cannot consciously assume other forms, the body just mutates further upon receiving damage. Uh...that's him...it. Haha, the second wording is too hilariously fancy not too include (though I kept mutate here since the body isn't really blob-deformed). Wrote "followed" as he is on the train. If you want "follows" to imply that he is following the train, I would change this again.
      • "Follows" was supposed to mean that he followed them in some form; I didn't assume that he was following the train. I don't think Birkin's location is really that critical here. The basic facts are that he chases them down, they're in danger, and his proximity to the self-destructing train results in his death. I doubt anyone will be confused. Oh, and I don't think that you need to specify that it's Claire, Sherry and Leon. You introduced them by name in the sentence directly before that, and all of the other protagonists are dead or assumed dead by this point in the story. Just saying "the protagonists" or "them" would be clear enough. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
        • Re6: Whoops, missed those. Thanks.
• "but is eventually destroyed when a self-destruct system causes the train to explode"
  • "Eventually" is an unneeded word here.
    • Re5: Changed.
• "Ada is implied to have survived and to have made away with the G-virus in the pendant."
  • This comes off as kind of a non-sequitur when it's placed directly after the train sentence. I think that it should be moved up so that it follows the sentence about Leon and Claire escaping, to make it more obvious that it's an epilogue-type event.
    • Re5: Moved up.
      • Sorry, I wasn't thinking correctly. I meant that it should be moved down, past the "Escaping the city with Sherry" line. I've gone ahead and done it myself to save you the trouble. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
• "After their escape from the city with Sherry, Leon decides to take down Umbrella, while Claire continues to search for her brother."
  • "After escaping from the city with Sherry, Leon plots to bring down Umbrella ...".

Only a few more sections to go. As always, great work on the fixes. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:45, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

• Re5: Sure on the plotting part? This word brings up images of supervillains in my mind, and he isn't really "plotting" it so much as he is saying "Let's take down Umbrella" (which he will not have a chance to because he is forced to work for the U.S. Government immediately after Raccoon City).
  • Ha! Well, I changed it to "plotting" because it implies that he makes it a top priority, but that it's going to take awhile. Saying that he "decides to take down Umbrella" could mean that, at the very end of the game, we see him kicking down the door of Umbrella HQ. If you can think of phrasing that removes that possibility, without sounding over-the-top like my idea, the problem would be addressed. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
    • Re6: Changed to "intends", which should be less decisive.

Re5 Prime Blue (talk) 19:47, 24 May 2011 (UTC)

• Replied inline. I'll get to Development now. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:51, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
  • Actually, one more thing. Re-reading the FAC, I noticed that someone complained about the strange, possibly "rushed" nature of certain events in paragraph 2 of Plot. In the current version, there's only two that stick out to me: Claire's discovery that Brian Irons had been bribed, and the sudden initial appearance of Annette. A tiny bit of introduction about the Irons part would clear it up. As for Annette, perhaps suggesting that she "ambushes" them, or something, would make it seem less random. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 15:59, 25 May 2011 (UTC)
    • Re6: It's not that important that Claire discovers the conspiracy, so possibly "It is revealed that Raccoon City's police chief" or "It becomes apparent that Raccoon City's police chief"? To have an additional connective, probably "...that Leon's superior, Raccoon City's police chief Brian Irons, ..."? Please check. Concerning Annette, her first appearance is pretty random. Mentioned the chance meeting now to make it clearer.

Re6 Still quite a bunch left...but it's comforting to have such a dedicated and great copy editor! Thanks for your thorough review! Prime Blue (talk) 13:05, 26 May 2011 (UTC)

• Thanks. Looks like you took care of my concerns. I made a few final tweaks that I thought improved the section; see what you think. One concern remains, though: removing Claire's discovery makes that sentence seem less random, but it makes her escape into the sewers more random. If this issue can be solved, the case can be closed on Plot. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 14:29, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
  • The change you made is perfect; Plot is complete. I'll get to Development soon. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 05:16, 27 May 2011 (UTC)
    • Great. Don't know how much time I'll have this coming week, but I'll try to keep up with your review. Prime Blue (talk) 13:00, 27 May 2011 (UTC)

Development:

• "Development of Resident Evil 2 began one month after the completion of its predecessor in early 1996"
  • "Development of Resident Evil 2 began one month after the early-1996 completion of its predecessor". Or something like that. The wording as-is could be read as a run-on sentence that states that RE2 began development on the date mentioned.
    • Re7: Leaving that as is since I don't think the two different readings will cause problems, and there was no definite development start given (early 1996 + one month is still early 1996).
• "while the first actual footage was shown at the V Jump Festival '96 in July."
  • "and the first actual footage of the game was shown at the V Jump Festival '96 in July."
    • Re7: Changed.
• "differed drastically from the final release version in its scenario, presentation and gameplay mechanics."
  • I think "final release version" might be redundant. Try either "final version" or "released version". Also, I don't know why, but I think this sentence would be an easier read if "presentation" was listed before "scenario" at the end.
    • Re7: Changed first part. Used the specific order "scenario, presentation and gameplay mechanics" as that is the order in which the aspects will be elaborated on in the section.
• "The plot followed the same basic outline as Resident Evil 2, and featured a zombie outbreak in Raccoon City, two months after the events of the first game."
  • "Its plot followed the same basic outline as that of Resident Evil 2, and featured a zombie outbreak in Raccoon City, two months after the events of the first game."
    • Re7: Changed.
• "as a consequence of their illegal experiments."
  • Perhaps "due to their" would be more concise? Up to you.
    • Re7: I was "due to"-banned in the FAN.
• "The development team sought to retain the level of fear from the original game, and thus introduced two new characters lacking experience with terrifying situations to the narrative: Leon S. Kennedy, largely identical to his persona in the final build, and Elza Walker, a college student and motorcycle racer who came home to Raccoon City for her vacation."
  • Is there a better way of phrasing "retain the level of fear from the original game"? "Sought to make the game as scary as the original Resident Evil" probably won't work; too unencyclopedic. As for the second half of the sentence, try "and thus introduced to the narrative two new characters who lacked experience with terrifying situations". I'm a little concerned that this whole construction runs on too long, but I'm not sure if it could be split apart. Either way, try "and Elza Walker, a college student and motocycle racer vacationing in Raccoon City, her hometown."
    • Re7: Don't know, possibly replace retain with maintain. The second construction is highly dependent on formal language, and I can't think of an appropriate adjective (unsettling/frightening/etc. just don't seem to nail it). Changed the latter.
• "the story paths of Leon and Elza did not cross over in Resident Evil 1.5, and both playable characters had two support partners instead of just one."
  • "the story paths of Leon and Elza did not cross over in Resident Evil 1.5, and each playable character had two support partners instead of just one."
    • Re7: Changed.
• "whereas Elza was aided in her survival by Sherry Birkin and a man named John, who was later incorporated into Resident Evil 2 as gun shop owner Robert Kendo"
  • "while Elza was aided by Sherry Birkin and a man named John, who appeared in Resident Evil 2 as gun shop owner Robert Kendo."
    • Re7: Changed.
• Who are "Isao Ohishi" and "Ryoji Shimogama"? Were they character designs? Character artists? Modelers? If they were character designers, then I recommend changing that sentence to, "Character designers Isao Ohishi and Ryoji Shimogama incorporated real-world influences into several of the game's characters," or something like that. Otherwise, I don't know. It depends on their role.
  • Re7: Added "artists".
• "The police department that served as the setting at the beginning of the game had a more modern and realistic design, and was smaller than the final building."
  • "The police department in which the game begins had a more modern and realistic design, and was smaller than the final building." Unless the game doesn't actually start there; I don't know for sure. The earlier version of the sentence indicated that as a possibility, and the stuff in Plot doesn't really contradict it.
    • Re7: Resident Evil 2 started in the streets, but Resident Evil 1.5 began with the police station. Used past tense.
• "There were also more encounters with surviving policemen/"
  • "There were also more encounters with surviving policemen".
    • Re7: Changed.
• "The number of polygons used for enemy models was far lower than in the released version. This allowed an abundance of zombies to appear on the screen, a recurring method to invoke fear in the player throughout Resident Evil 1.5."
  • Perhaps these two sentence could be connected by a semicolon? Either way, "an abundance of" could probably trimmed to "many" for brevity. Also, I think the last part would be better as, "a method of invoking fear in the player that recurred throughout Resident Evil 1.5".
    • Re7: Changed. Kept period as the sentence is kind of long and not directly connected to the other.
• "Furthermore, the game employed dynamic music and frequently applied changes to the pre-rendered backgrounds as certain events occurred during the gameplay."
  • I don't really get what that second part means. I understand the graphical terms used here, but how do you frequently change the pre-rendered backgrounds? Swap them out for completely different ones? Make subtle alterations to them? Should probably be clarified if possible, or made less specific if not.
    • Re7: The pre-rendered backgrounds were not changed (as in swapped), there were changes applied to them. Swapped "changes" for "alterations" to make it clearer.
• "The characters could also be equipped with additional gear".
  • "The characters could also be equipped with more types of gear than appeared in the final version".
    • Re7: Changed, removed "additional" as there is no gear in the final version.
• "Costume changes and wounds inflicted by enemies were reflected in changes to the characters' polygonal models."
  • A little bit on the clunky side, particularly due to the two uses of "changes". Perhaps, "The characters' polygonal models were altered by costume changes and by wounds inflicted by enemies". Too many uses of "by", though. I think there's a way around this. Any ideas?
    • Re7: "Damage received from enemies" instead of "by wounds inflicted by enemies", if it's not too RPG-y?

That's all for now. In other news, the Terra Nova peer review appears to have been archived by a bot, which is kind of a pain. I recently attempted to paraphrase those quotes you listed. I'll take care of the last few unaddressed points and send it to FAC soon. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 17:13, 29 May 2011 (UTC)

• Re7 Prime Blue (talk) 18:25, 29 May 2011 (UTC)
  • Looks good. I ran through and made a few minor tweaks, just to save time. One more thing, though: since one game begins in the police department and the other does not, "The police department in which the game began ..." may not be the best phrasing. Perhaps, "The police department in one of the game's early scenes ...", or something like that. Something that's applicable to both. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 19:11, 29 May 2011 (UTC)
    • Nice work. I'll try to pick up the pace on these reviews. I should have one for the next section by tomorrow. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:30, 29 May 2011 (UTC)

Development, continued:

• • Perhaps the first paragraph of "Redesign" could be moved up to the end of "Initial version"?
• "The development was handled by a group of about 40 to 50 people who would later be part of Capcom Production Studio 4."
  • Now would be a good time to reintroduce the game's title. Beyond that, I think the sentence would read better as, "Resident Evil 2 (1.5?) was developed by a group of about (you provide another rough estimate directly after this) 40 to 50 people, many (or "all") of whom would later be part of Capcom Production Studio 4".
    • Re8: The problem with this and the preceding suggestion is that the team developed both Resident Evil 1.5 and Resident Evil 2 (that's why I omitted the title altogether) – if I put the sentence up and said only Resident Evil 1.5, I'd be afraid it would confuse readers. The placement was my attempt to make avoid the ambiguity. Changed "handled" to "carried out", removed "about". As I don't know the exact number of staff members who became part of Capcom Production Studio 4, I changed the "who" to "that".
• "which was composed of more than half of the original Resident Evil staff and relatively young Capcom employees".
  • The citation in the middle of the sentence is jarring. Putting it at the end isn't going to break any rules. Anyway, I find the wording here a bit confusing. Perhaps, "which was composed of both newer Capcom employees and over half of the team from the original Resident Evil"?
    • Re8: Changed (used "staff" instead of "team" to avoid repetition).
• "In the initial stages, producer Mikami often intervened because of disagreements with Kamiya".
  • "In the initial stages of development" would be clearer, I think. Also, what does the "intervened because of disagreements" part mean? I don't understand. Did he hijack development after disagreeing with the director? It should be clarified.
    • Re8: Changed and clarified.
• "though he eventually stepped back to an overseeing role as producer, and only demanded to be shown the current build once a month.""
  • "though" would be better as a "but". Also, is "demanded" the right word here? It makes him sound somewhat like a dictator.
    • Re8: Changed. I think "demanded" is okay here, as he was in a higher position and really acted kind of begrudgingly.
• "Believing the individual assets to be good but not satisfactory as a whole yet, Mikami thought the team would be able to improve the game in the three months leading up to its projected release date in May 1997".
  • "Believing the game's assets to be good individually but not yet satisfactory as a whole, Mikami expected that the team would improve the game (or perhaps, "expected that the game would coalesce") in the three months leading up to its projected May 1997 release date."
    • Re8: Changed, reworded the second part to avoid using "game" twice.
• "Shortly after".
  • "Shortly thereafter".
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Mikami later explained that the game could not have reached the desired quality in the aforementioned period, and especially frowned upon the gameplay and locations for being too dull and boring."
  • Perhaps "would" instead of "could"? Up to you. Either way, "being too dull and boring" suggests that a certain level of dullness and boredom was acceptable or even expected. However, if you remove the "too", it sounds POV. Perhaps a direct quote is in order?
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The old story Mikami tried to end the series with was criticized by supervisor Yoshiki Okamoto, who found the plot to be too conclusive to allow for future installments."
  • What is this "old story"? The story of Resident Evil 1.5? The story he wanted to be in Resident Evil 1.5? Needs clarification. Also, "with which Mikami tried to end the series was criticized ...".
    • Re8: Changed and clarified.
• "Instead, he proposed the creation of a whole universe, to turn Resident Evil into a metaseries containing common elements, but in which largely self-contained stories could be told, similar to the Gundam and James Bond franchises."
  • Okamoto proposed this? If so, "Instead, Okamoto proposed ...". Also, "the creation of a whole universe" could probably be be cut. Just move the next part up, so that we get, "Instead, Okamoto proposed that Resident Evil be turned into a metaseries". Then, "... metaseries, in which self-contained stories that featured common elements could be told, similar to the Gundam and James Bond franchises".
    • Re8: The creation of a universe is the most important part here (reworded that to make it clearer). Rest changed.
• "At a time the team did not make any progress on rewriting the scenario, Okamoto was introduced to professional screenwriter Noboru Sugimura who was also a big fan of the first game's story."
  • At a time when? If so, this construction would probably be clearer as, "During a period in which the team made no progress on rewriting the scenario". Also, "... Noboru Sugimura, who was also a big fan (less informal phrasing?) of the first game's story."
    • Re8: Was told to remove "when" during FAN. Changed rest.
• "Though Sugimura was initially consulted on a trial basis, Okamoto was impressed with how easily the writer came up with solutions to the problems that plagued the script, and soon pleaded with him to compose the entire scenario for Resident Evil 2."
  • "Though Sugimura was initially consulted on a trial basis (is a clearer phrase possible?), but Okamoto was impressed by the ease with which the writer solved (unless he only offered suggestions, in which case the original wording is preferable) the problems that plagued the script, and soon asked (pleaded seems a bit overdramatic) him to compose the entire scenario for Resident Evil 2."
    • Re8: I think he only gave suggestions before he became the writer. Changed rest.
• "One fundamental modification to the story was the reworking of Elza Walker into Claire Redfield to introduce a connecting element to the plot of the first game."
  • "... into Claire Redfield, in order to introduce a connection to the plot ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "To fulfill Capcom's sales plan of two million copies, director Kamiya tried to attract new customers with a more pretentious and Hollywood-like story presentation."
  • Pretentious has a very negative connotation and, when it's used like this, it comes off as POV. Quote it directly if possible; otherwise, try "ostentatious", which serves a similar purpose here without being quite as severely judgmental.
    • Re8: Changed.
• "As Okamoto did not want to simply enforce the new direction, he had Sugimura talk to Mikami and the development staff to discuss his revisions."
  • Discuss whose revisions? Kamiya's? Okamoto's? Sugimura's? Mikami's? If you're referring to the ones in the sentence directly before this, I recommend "the revisions".
    • Re8: Clarified.
• "While the planners redesigned the game from the ground up to fit the changes, the programmers and other remaining members of the team were sent to work on Resident Evil Director's Cut."
  • "While The planners redesigned the game from the ground up to fit the changes, and the programmers ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The title was shipped with a playable preview disc of the new Resident Evil 2 version to promote the sequel and to apologize to the players for its belated release."
  • This should be connected to the previous sentence via a comma. Rework it as, "the team were sent to work on Resident Evil Director's Cut, which was shipped with a playable preview disc of the new Resident Evil 2 version ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "These environments were created with a software called O2"
  • "... a software program ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "about two to three weeks to render"
  • As with the above estimation of the team's size, this provides two guesses as to the number in question; remove the "about".
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The maximum number of zombies displayed on the screen at once was limited to seven".
  • "The maximum number of zombies that could be displayed on the screen at one time was limited to seven".
    • Re8: More than seven could be displayed (they just limited the number to make the main protagonists more detailed), so I changed only the latter.
• "One of the most important new features apart from the graphics, the "Zapping System", was partly inspired by Back to the Future Part II, a time travel-themed film sequel that offers a different perspective on the story of the original film."
  • "Apart from the graphics, one of the most important new features was the "Zapping System", which was partly inspired by Back to the Future Part II ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Thereafter, the full-motion videos (FMVs) were created by filming stop motion animations of action figures, then rendered to completed pictures with computer graphics (CG) tools."
  • "... figures, which were then rendered with computer graphics ..."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The North American version contains more violent game over screens that had to be removed from the Japanese Biohazard 2."
  • "The North American version contains more violent "game over" screens, which were removed from the Japanese Biohazard 2."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Resident Evil 2 was also made more difficult than its Japanese equivalent to prevent rentals from affecting the sales."
  • That's fascinating and bizarre. Only Wikipedia mentions stuff like this. Anyway, which Resident Evil 2 version are talking about here? Needs clarification.

That's it. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 17:14, 30 May 2011 (UTC)

• • • Re8: Clarified with "U.S."

Back again with Rereleases and ports:

• "After the initial release for the PlayStation in January 1998, Resident Evil 2 was reissued and ported to other systems on various occasions, often gaining new features in the process."
  • Should specify the subject at the beginning, as in, "After its initial release". Also, "Resident Evil 2 was reissued and ported to other systems on various occasions, often gaining new features in the process."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The first rerelease was the Dual Shock Ver. that was modified to incorporate support for the vibration and analog control functions of the PlayStation's DualShock controller."
  • "The first rerelease was the Dual Shock Ver., which incorporated support for the vibration and analog control functions of the PlayStation's DualShock controller."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Other additions included a new unlockable minigame called "Extreme Battle" and a "Rookie" mode enabling the player to start the main game with a powerful weapon that comes with infinite ammunition."
  • "Other additions include a new unlockable minigame called "Extreme Battle", and a "Rookie" mode that enables the player to start the main game ("main story", perhaps?) with a powerful weapon that features infinite ammunition."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "The Japanese release also contained a "U.S.A. Version" mode based on the difficulty setting of the Western versions."
  • The Japanese release of the Dual Shock Ver.? If so, "The Japanese release of the Dual Shock Ver. also contained a "U.S.A. Version" mode based on the difficulty level of Resident Evil 2's Western versions."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "such as the PC-CD release titled Resident Evil 2 Platinum in North America"
  • "such as the North American PC-CD release titled Resident Evil 2 Platinum"
    • Re8: Not so sure about that one as it's not an exclusively North American release, and called Resident Evil 2 Platinum there only (which is also why using it as an identifier is a bit too encompassing for my tastes).
• "Aside from retaining all previous new features, it can be run in higher resolutions."
  • "previous new features", while funny, needs to go. Perhaps, "previously added features"? Also, "it" should be specified as "Platinum".
    • Re8: Changed.
• "allowing the player to watch movies, rough sketches, illustrations and 3D models"
  • I think "view" would be preferable to "watch", since there are still images involved.
    • Re8: Changed.
• "In February 2006, a Japan-exclusive Windows XP-compatible PC-DVD rerelease was published."
  • "In February 2006, a Japan-exclusive, Windows XP-compatible PC-DVD version of Platinum was published."
    • Re8: Added comma, but same here as above.
• Saying that the Dreamcast version used features from the PC version is fine, but putting it right after discussion of a 2006 release is jarring for people familiar with the Dreamcast's lifespan. Perhaps the Dreamcast discussion could be moved up?
  • Re8: As much as it hurts, the section would read terribly jumpy and repetitive if everything is in chronological order. Would rather remove the date from the PC-DVD version.
• "... kept the additions from the PC release, runs at 60 ..."
  • Tense change makes me do a double-take. Perhaps change "kept" to "keep"?
    • Re8: Changed (must have missed that one).
• "A straight port of the Dual Shock Ver. was released for the Nintendo GameCube."
  • "straight port" falls a bit into the realm of industry jargon. Perhaps "unmodified port"?
    • Re8: Way better.
• "The Japanese PlayStation Network edition from 2007 is based on the initial PlayStation version, whereas the North American counterpart released two years later is the Dual Shock Ver."
  • "The initial PlayStation version was rereleased on the Japanese PlayStation Network in 2007, and the service's North American counterpart received the Dual Shock Ver. two years later." Not the best, but still less jarring. Could probably still stand a bit of improvement.
    • Re8: Changed (replaced "and" with "while").
• "The Nintendo 64 version of the game differs most from the other releases."
  • "The Nintendo 64 version of Resident Evil 2 differs most from the other releases."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Hidden throughout the four scenarios"
  • The Nintendo 64 discussion was extremely clean until I reached this part. What four scenarios? I thought there were only two in the original game? Maybe make this more vague, like "Hidden throughout the game".
    • Re8: Changed. There's Leon A -> Claire B, Claire A -> Leon B, making for a total of four scenarios.
• "connect the story of Resident Evil 2 to the other installments"
  • "connect the story of Resident Evil 2 to those of the other installments".
    • Re8: Changed.
• "and had several core features of the original removed"
  • "and removed several of the original game's core features"
    • Re8: Changed.

I'll be back with Music tomorrow. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 21:54, 31 May 2011 (UTC)

Music:

• "To support the atmosphere, "desperation" was selected as the principal theme of the compositions."
  • To support what kind of atmosphere? An atmosphere of fear? Dread? Forboding? If they don't specify, some other kind of solution will be necessary, but I can't think of anything at this time.
    • Re8: Changed.
• "In his capacity as lead composer, Ueda provided the motifs, while Uchiyama was responsible for the horror-themed music used for the investigation and movie scenes."
  • "In his role as lead composer, Ueda provided the motifs, while Uchiyama was responsible for the horror-themed music used for the investigation and movie scenes ("movie scenes" refers to the game's FMV cutscenes, right? Perhaps this could be specified)."
    • Re8: Changed. There are both FMV and in-game cutscenes, so keeping this as is.
• "Various musical styles are used to represent the different environments of the game, ranging from ambient horror music to industrial-oriented pieces."
  • "Various musical styles, ranging from ambient horror music to industrial-oriented pieces, are used to represent (fit?) the different environments of the game."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "while the police department mostly features ominous piano underscores."
  • "while the police department mostly features (saying that it "features" something doesn't mean that it "exclusively features" something, so the "mostly" comes off as a bit unnecessary) ominous piano underscores."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Key events of the story are supported with more orchestral and cinematic compositions instead, a move that was inspired by blockbuster movies."
  • "Key events of the story are supported with more orchestral and cinematic compositions instead - (I think a dash reads better than a comma in this case, but it's your call) a move that was inspired by blockbuster movies ("films"?)"
    • Re8: Changed.
• "serves as the main release and includes the majority of the more significant compositions."
  • "is the main release and includes most of the significant compositions."
    • Re8: Changed.
• "mostly encompasses less prevalent themes".
  • "largely (to avoid repetition of "most" with the new version of the sentence before this) consists of the less prevalent themes".
    • Re8: Changed.
• "Furthermore, several of the compositions received electronic remixes by Piston Nishizawa, later to be released as the album Biohazard 2 Remix: Metamorphoses."
  • "Furthermore, Piston Nishizawa created electronic remixes for several of the compositions, which were later to be released as the album Biohazard 2 Remix: Metamorphoses."
    • Re8: Changed.

That's it. I hope you can find time to work on the article again. If you'd like, I could lay off the reviews for a couple days, so that the task doesn't become overly daunting. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 18:52, 1 June 2011 (UTC)

Re8: Thank you, back in full force now. Should be able to keep up again now. Prime Blue (talk) 20:22, 3 June 2011 (UTC)

Great work! I made a few adjustments, but everything looks good. I should have Reception up by tomorrow, and there's only one more section after that. I don't think you'll have any major prose opposition at FAC; if anything, someone might have you fix a few bits of phrasing before they support. Oh, and the identity of Piston Nishizawa should be clarified in the article. I can't believe I forgot to mention that last time. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 23:06, 3 June 2011 (UTC)

Reception:

• "A commercial success, the PlayStation version of Resident Evil 2 has sold over 4.96 million copies, making it the franchise's best-selling game on a single platform."
  • Starting with "a commercial success" is confusing. Try, "With sales above 4.96 million copies, the PlayStation version of Resident Evil 2 was a commercial success, and is the franchise's best-selling game on a single platform."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "Another 810,000 copies of the Dual Shock Ver. were shipped as of March 1999."
  • "Another 810,000 copies of the Dual Shock Ver. were shipped by March 1999."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "Resident Evil 2 was also well-received by critics and has been held in high regard years after its initial release, having been included in lists of the 100 best games compiled by Electronic Gaming Monthly, IGN, Game Informer and Official UK PlayStation Magazine, where it came in 62nd, 58th, 34th and 6th place, respectively."
  • This sentence is probably overlong. Let me see what I can do: "Resident Evil 2 was also well received (no hyphen) by critics, and has been held in high regard in the years following its initial release. Electronic Gaming Monthly, IGN, Game Informer and Official UK PlayStation Magazine included it in their lists of the 100 best games; it came in 62nd, 58th, 34th and 6th place, respectively."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "In 2011, GameTrailers ranked it 4th place in a list of games most in need of a remake, behind Silent Hill, Final Fantasy VII and Panzer Dragoon Saga."
  • "In 2011, GameTrailers ranked it 4th place in a list of the games most that most needed remakes.behind Silent Hill, Final Fantasy VII and Panzer Dragoon Saga. (these names may mean something to the video game savvy, but the average reader will have no reference point whatsoever)". Could perhaps be tweaked further.
    • Re9: Included the other games to fulfill the context criterion of the FACR. "Called for" would probably be good here, though I wouldn't know where to put the "most" then.
• "The original PlayStation version of Resident Evil 2 holds an average of 92.57 percent at GameRankings and a Metacritic score of 89 out of 100 points,[79][84] and was named the 4th-best game on the system by Famitsu."
  • This needs to be moved up. This whole paragraph could probably use some restructuring, in fact. To begin with, begin the paragraph with my alteration of "well received by critics"; change the comma to a semicolon, though, and add, "its original PlayStation release holds average scores of 92.57 percent at GameRankings and 89 out of 100 at Metacritic." The next sentence: "The game has been held in high regard in the years following its initial release, and was named the 4th best (no hyphen) game on the PlayStation by Famitsu." Then add the sentence about EGM/IGN/etc.'s lists, and, finally, the GameTrailers comment.
    • Re9: Changed.
• "The Nintendo 64 port fared almost as well in reviews, whereas most of the other releases have received slightly lower scores."
  • "The game's Nintendo 64 port also met with critical acclaim, but most of the other releases have received slightly lower scores."
    • Re9: Changed. Guess you missed a "was" before "also", here?
      • Actually, no. A thing can "meet" ("met" here, as it's written in past tense) with something, or "be met" ("was met") with something; either would technically be correct here. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 00:49, 5 June 2011 (UTC)
• "Across the majority of reviews, the game's atmosphere, setting, graphics and audio received praise, though aspects such as the controls, voice acting and some of the gameplay elements were criticized."
  • "The majority of reviews praised the game's atmosphere, setting, graphics and audio, but criticized its controls, voice acting and certain gameplay elements."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "IGN's Rick Sanchez thought the atmosphere of the title was "dead on", claiming the individual factors of the presentation to "work together to create a spooky, horror-filled world"."
  • "IGN's Rick Sanchez thought that the game's atmosphere was "dead on", and claimed that its [specific presentational elements, as referenced by the reviewer] "work together create a spooky, horror-filled world."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "Ryan Mac Donald of GameSpot shared the opinion and found the game to be "more an interactive, cinematic experience than a video game", appearing "like a product out of Hollywood"."
  • "Ryan Mac Donald of GameSpot shared the opinion, and found the game to be "like a product out of Hollywood"; he believed that it was "more an interactive, cinematic experience than a video game."
    • Re9: Changed. Put period outside per WP:LQ since it's just a sentence fragment.
• "In his review for Computer and Video Games, Paul Mallinson commended the game's atmosphere, story and presentation as some of its most outstanding features."
  • "Writing for Computer and Video Games, Paul Mallinson called the game's atmosphere, story and presentation its most outstanding features (if he didn't actually do that, then "Paul Mallinson considered the game's atmosphere, story and presentation to be highlights".
    • Re9: As it's listed under "uppers" in the review, I think it's safe to say that these are the aspects he considered outstanding.
• While we're at it, you might consider deleting most of the stuff in the review template. I find it intrusive. The purpose of that template is to give people a quick overview of the game's scores, which is not what this is. Weed it down to the scores of the PS version, but leave in the port scores for the quoted review outlets that discuss the version in question. Also, due to the size of the section, subsections might be in order. Look at Anachronox (not featured yet, but it soon will be) for how this can most effectively be done.
  • • Re9: Sorry, but having tried removing those scores, I don't think that it makes much of a difference – there are still quite some left. Also, Resident Evil 2 is one of the games with the most ports, so deleting scores from major outlets (considering that the lower port scores are mentioned in prose) doesn't seem right to me. If readers consider the table intrusive, they have the option of collapsing it. Got very creative and introduced lackluster subsection titles.
• "Though he found the plot of the game"
  • "Although he found its plot".
    • Re9: Changed.
• "GamePro staff writer Mike Weigand made similar remarks about the narrative, calling it "engrossing and dramatic", and the dialogue "well-written" and "spell-binding"."
  • "GamePro staff writer Mike Weigand called the narrative "engrossing and dramatic", and the dialogue "well-written" and "spell-binding"."
    • Re9: Changed.
• "The "Zapping System" was praised by Sanchez, GameSpy's Brian Davis and Martin Taylor of Eurogamer for adding to the story and increasing the replay value of the game."
  • "Sanchez, GameSpy's Brian Davis and Eurogamer's Martin Taylor (making the structure repetitive keeps it clearer here) praised the "Zapping System" for adding to the story and increasing replay value."
    • Re9: Changed. Sure on omitting the article before "replay value"?
      • I thought about it as I was typing, but I ended up removing it simply to cut down on the amount of words. If you think it should stay, go ahead and put it back in.
• "Mac Donald thought the idea of actions in the first playthrough affecting the second scenario was "cool in concept"".
  • "Mac Donald thought that the idea of actions in the first scenario affecting the second scenario was "cool in concept"".
    • Re9: Changed.

I'm going to have to put off the rest of this section until tomorrow. I'm a bit busy; sorry. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 20:07, 4 June 2011 (UTC)

Re9: In summary, I can only say that disc jokeys are so much funnier than disc jockeys. :) Prime Blue (talk) 22:43, 4 June 2011 (UTC)

Ha! I laughed when I saw that in there. Anyway, I made a couple of inline responses. Also, about those subsection titles: the first one is good, but would be better as "Design and presentation". "Reception of rereleases and ports", though... let's put it this way: I haven't read the WP MOS in probably 3-4 years, but I'm pretty sure it breaks every section naming convention, aside from the ban on including the article's title in a section name ("Reception of Resident Evil 2's rereleases and ports"). Try "Later versions", perhaps. Something better could probably be found, but it'll do for now. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 00:49, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

Reception, continued

• "Resident Evil 2 was lauded for its graphics as well, often seen as a big improvement over the first installment in the series."
  • "Resident Evil 2 was also praised for its graphics, which many critics felt were a substantial improvement over those of the first installment."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Sanchez and Weigand thought the backgrounds were an impressive update over the predecessor, based on the improved level of detail and the player's ability to interact with them."
  • "Sanchez and Weigand thought that the pre-rendered backgrounds were an impressive leap ahead of those in the original Resident Evil, thanks to their increased detail and interactivity."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Mac Donald praised the model animations for having reached "true realism" and commended the addition of body language as a means of knowing the protagonists' present condition without having to look at the status screen."
  • "Mac Donald praised the model animations for having reached "true realism", and commended the game's use of body language as a means of seamlessly communicating the condition of the protagonists' health."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Allgame's Shawn Sackenheim gave the graphics the highest score possible as he found the backgrounds to be "rendered to perfection", the cinemas "a work of art" and the animation "fluid and eerie"."
  • "Allgame's Shawn Sackenheim awarded its graphics the highest possible score, as he found the backgrounds to be "rendered to perfection" (this makes me chuckle), the cutscenes "a work of art" and the animation "fluid and eerie"."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "The audio was just as well received by critics, being cited as an "excellent accompaniment to the visuals" by Weigand."
  • "The audio was just as (I understand that, when writing a Reception section, certain OR and WP:SYNTH liberties must be taken, but I think this crosses the line) well received by critics; Weigand cited it as an "excellent accompaniment to the visuals"."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Sackenheim described the music and sound effects as "spot on perfect" and called the soundtrack "perfectly composed for [the] game", while Mac Donald likened their employment to that in classic horror movies."
  • "Sackenheim described the music and sound effects as "spot on perfect", and called the soundtrack "perfectly composed for [the] game", while Mac Donald likened the game's use of audio to that of classic horror movies (again, perhaps "films"?)."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "One common point of criticism is the inventory system which Sanchez called "a pain"."
  • "A common point of criticism was the inventory system, which Sanchez called "a pain"."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "He mostly frowned upon the player having to return to item boxes to retrieve objects, though Mac Donald also criticized the system for being unrealistic as the boxes are ...".
  • "He mostly (how do you "mostly" frown?) frowned upon the player's need (better wording is possible, but, for some reason, it isn't coming to me) to retrieve objects from item boxes, and Mac Donald also criticized the system for being unrealistic, as the boxes are ...".
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Furthermore, Mallinson and Mac Donald disapproved of some of the puzzles, finding them out of place for the police station setting."
  • I thought the police station was only a brief area near the beginning of the game? Here, it sounds like the entire game is set there. Either way, "disapproved of certain puzzles, which they believed were out of place in a police station setting."
    • Re10: The police station accounts for at least half of the game, I think (though we changed a comment above in "Development" to avoid confusion). Changed.
• "Sanchez thought that the puzzles were paced better than in the first game, but also less interesting and too easy for experienced adventure gamers."
  • "Sanchez thought that the puzzles were paced better than in the first game, but also found them less interesting and too easy for experienced players ("adventure gamers" means nothing to the average reader)."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Sackenheim addressed the relatively short play time in his review, remarking that the individual scenarios are not different enough to keep casual players interested to complete all of them."
  • "addressed the relatively short play time" makes it sound like you're calling the game short. Try, "Sackenheim noted the game's brevity in his review, and remarked that the individual scenarios are not different enough ("sufficiently different"?) to hold the interest of casual players until the end of the game."
    • Re10: Changed.
• "Although he found the controls to be "easy to pick up and play", Sanchez thought the aiming was difficult, especially on the edge of camera angles."
  • "Although Sanchez found the controls to be "easy to pick up and play", he thought that aiming was difficult, especially on the edge of camera angles (I have no idea what this means)."
    • Re10: Changed. Removed the camera angles part as it would be hard to explain. If "the aiming was difficult, especially if the playable character is on the edge of a camera angle and the enemy is out of sight" is sufficient, I'll use that.
• "Some reviewers also panned the voice acting, calling it "cheesy", "terrible" and "barbaric"."
  • "Certain reviewers (believe me, "some" is a reviled word at FAC; "certain" is preferable in almost every circumstance, for some reason) also panned the voice acting, calling it "cheesy", "terrible" and "barbaric"."
    • Re10: Changed.

I'll try to get the rest of the review up later today. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 19:35, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

Re10 Prime Blue (talk) 20:20, 5 June 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for running through the last section ahead of time. I looked at the diff, and I think it's going to make it go a lot faster. Anyway, here's Reception, continued again:

• "Weigand advised players who had already bought Resident Evil 2 to rent the Dual Shock Ver. for the "Extreme Battle" minigame, and recommended newcomers to the series to buy the updated edition in favor of the original release."
  • Hmm... thanks to the new subsections (which improve the section greatly, I might add), this sentence is a bit strange. Perhaps a small introductory sentence could be placed at the beginning of the section? Either way, "Weigand advised players who already owned Resident Evil 2 to rent the Dual Shock Ver. for the "Extreme Battle" minigame, and recommended that newcomers buy the updated edition instead of the original release."
    • Re11: Changed, and added introductory sentence from above.
• "The PC port was praised for the extras added to it, but criticized for not allowing the player to save at any time, and for lacking updated backgrounds to fit the higher in-game resolution."
  • "The Windows port was praised for its additional content, but criticized for not allowing the player to save at will ("at any time" suggests that players could, in fact, never save), and for lacking updated backgrounds to fit the higher in-game resolution."
    • Re11: Changed.
• "The Nintendo 64 version was universally commended for the technical achievement of fitting a two-disc game on a single 512-Mbit cartridge; however, Taylor criticized the inclusion of the door opening scenes, which were meant to conceal the loading times of the PlayStation version – a technical disadvantage of optical discs that cartridges do not share."
  • This sentence is extremely long. Let's see: "The Nintendo 64 version was 'widely ("universally", like the "just as" I pointed out earlier, takes the level of synthesis/OR past that of necessity) commended for the technical achievement of fitting a two-disc game on a single-512-Mbit cartridge; however, Taylor criticized the game for retaining scenes from the PlayStation version that were used to conceal loading times (I understand what "door opening scenes" is referring to, but the vast majority of the people reading this article will not) - a technical disadvantage of optical discs that cartridges do not share."
    • Re11: Changed. But is the hyphen after "single" needed here? I was going for "one 512-Mbit cartridge".
      • I apologize; that was a typo that I somehow missed.
• ""The Freshman" of GamePro was impressed with the enhanced high-resolution graphics of the Nintendo 64 port, but disappointed with its heavily compressed CG FMVs."
  • I hate GamePro for doing this to us. It's cruel to force us to use unprofessional-sounding pseudonyms in encyclopedia articles. Perhaps to make up for it, "A GamePro writer under the pseudonym "The Freshman" was impressed with the enhanced high-resolution graphics of the Nintendo 64 port, but was disappointed by its heavily compressed CG FMVs."
    • Re11: Changed.
• "and also noted".
  • "and also (redundant) noted".
    • Re11: Changed.
• "called the Nintendo 64 release the best version of the game."
  • When using the word "call", it reads best when you follow up with a direct quote. If no direct quote would be adequate here, change "called" to "believed" and add a "to be" after the "release".
    • Re11: Changed.
• "who also remarked that the character models appear slightly sharper."
  • He thinks that they're sharper? If so, change "appear", which could have multiple meanings in this context, to "seem"--or an equivalent word that does not begin with "s", to avoid the alliteration of "seem slightly sharper".
    • Re11: Changed to "look".
• "However, Steve Key of Computer and Video Games frowned upon the Dreamcast release's low-resolution backgrounds, which he thought make the characters stand out too much from the environments, taking away from the atmosphere."
  • I think two uses of "frowned upon" is enough; Mikami frowned upon something in Development, and Sanchez frowned upon something else in Reception. As an alternative, try "disliked the Dreamcast release's". Also, "which he thought made (the game is in present tense, but his review is in past tense; in this case, switching the game to past tense avoids a jarring tense transition) the characters stand out too much from the environments (is there a more concise way of putting this? I can't think of anything, but it seems like there should be something better), which lessened from the game's atmosphere."
    • Re11: Changed. Corrected double "which". Can't think of a more effective wording at the moment, but will rephrase once I can.
• "GameSpot staff writer James Mielke called the Dreamcast port "not an essential purchase", but still a "great game" and an attractive offer considering its low retail price."
  • I didn't know Mielke wrote for GameSpot back then. Weird. Anyway, "GameSpot staff writer James Mielke did not believe that the Dreamcast port was "notan essential purchase", but still called it a "great game" and, thanks to its low retail price, an attactive offer (direct quote would be ideal with this construction)."
    • Re11: Changed.
• As a note, have you considered reference groups? I first heard about them during Tales of Monkey Island's FAC; I just went there to grab you the link, I then saw that it was you who brought them up! Wow. Anyway, they might be for the best. There are a lot of reference clusters in this section.
  • • Re11: I'll look into it.
• "The Nintendo GameCube release was heavily criticized for its high price and dated graphics, while still being acknowledged by "Four-Eyed Dragon" of GamePro for offering the best in-game visuals across all versions of the game."
  • "The Nintendo GameCube release was heavily criticized for its high price and dated graphics; however, "Four-Eyed Dragon" of GamePro (!!!) noted that it offered the best in-game visuals of any version of the game."
    • Re11: Changed.
• Davis and 1UP.com's Mark MacDonald were disappointed with the port's omission of features previously included in the Nintendo 64 release."
  • "Davis and 1UP.com's Mark MacDonald were disappointed by the port's lack of features that were previously included in the Nintendo 64 release."
    • Re11: Changed.
• "Peer Schneider of IGN found the 2.5D version for the Game.com to be frustrating and only "partially faithful" to the original release of Resident Evil 2."
  • I'm assuming his name is "Peter Schneider"? "Peer Schneider" sounds almost like a title, like "Judge Schneider"--which would kind of make sense, seeing as he's a fellow game reviewer. But that's enough of that.
    • Re11: He is really called Peer Schneider, as far as I know (IGN doesn't use any pseudonyms either, I think).
      • That's bizarre. I think you should include a wikilink, in that case, to prevent confusion; others might make my same mistake.
• "Although he felt that the handheld approach had managed to recreate the atmosphere to a certain extent with its graphics and sound effects, he thought that the controls were too "sluggish" to allow for an enjoyable experience."
  • "Although he felt that its graphics and sound effects managed to recreate the original game's atmosphere to a certain extent, he thought that its controls were too "sluggish" to allow for an enjoyable experience."
    • Re11: Changed.

Reception's done; yay! One more section to go. I must say, this is a really good article. I hadn't actually read the whole thing (my copyediting method involves reading only as far as I've edited), but, now that I have, I can safely say that it's FA material. You've done a great job here. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 02:36, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

Re11: This will probably remain my only FA candidate. The last one already felt like I'm campaigning for homecoming queen, and that's not what I expected from the process at all. As much as the peer review now improved the prose of an article, those edits simply aren't any fun. I'll try to remember your corrections here, and to write future articles with those in mind (which is probably the best thing to come out of this review, so many thanks for your great efforts here!). But FANs are not my world, they're just not worth the time invested. Prime Blue (talk) 18:06, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

Left a couple inline replies. Anyway, normally, I just change everything myself; this giant review business was an experiment on my part. I sometimes feel that my standard approach takes away the individuality of each editor's writing, and, this time, I decided to try my best to help you increase the prose's quality without sacrificing the original tone. I also hoped that this method would help you improve your writing overall; watching Wikipedia copyeditors was how I learned. I apologize if the ordeal has given you a negative perspective on FAC! I find the FAC process stressful, but not, when done in moderation, more trouble than it's worth. If you'd like, I could just plow through the last section on my own to save you the trouble. Even if the tone is slightly altered, the rest of the article is still intact. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 19:30, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

Okay, I guess my last comment sounded ungrateful and lazy. Your peer review was not the problem at all, it was the FA nomination process itself. It's just that I underestimated the time that needs to be invested to get an article to FA status, as well as some other "sheer-luck" factors that need to fall into place during a review. In the end, it just isn't worth the hassle and the stress. Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you reviewed the last section the same way as before. Prime Blue (talk) 23:55, 6 June 2011 (UTC)

Ah, I see. Honestly, I understand your position. That stuff gets to me, too. Plus, I didn't help the situation by going after Malleus; I apologize for that. Even though I was irritated by his tone, duking it out on someone else's FAC is always bad form. Anyway, I'll get on that final review by tomorrow, and you should be good for another go at FAC. I'm almost sure—as sure as you can be at FAC—that it'll pass this time. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 06:09, 7 June 2011 (UTC)

Again, not a problem at all – wouldn't have changed anything (if not made things worse for yourself), the article clearly wasn't up to snuff yet. Prime Blue (talk) 10:36, 7 June 2011 (UTC)

Adaptations and sequels:

• "The story of Resident Evil 2 served as the basis for several licensed works and later games."
  • "The story of Resident Evil 2 was the basis for several licensed works and later games."
• "Ted Adams and Kris Oprisko loosely adapted the plot of Resident Evil 2 into the comics "Raccoon City – R.I.P." and "A New Chapter of Evil", released in the first and second issues of Resident Evil: The Official Comic Book Magazine in March and June 1998."
  • Saying "the plot of Resident Evil 2" is clearer than just saying "it" or "the game's plot", but it's also really similar to the first sentence. Also, "and "A New Chapter of Evil", which were released in the first and second issues of Resident Evil: The Official Comic Book Magazine in March and June 1998."
• "The Cantonese 60-issue manhua Shēnghuà Wēijī 2 was published weekly from February 1998 to April 1999."
  • I think placing "60-issue" before "Cantonese" would increase flow. Also, is there a way of explaining how it's connected to the game? I can only assume that "Shēnghuà Wēijī 2" means "Resident Evil 2", but this is a guess based on the presence of "2" in the title. Even a little bit of clarification, like a translation of the title in parentheses, would go a long way.
• "Resident Evil: City of the Dead, a 1999 book created by author S. D. Perry, is another more direct adaptation of the narrative, and was released as the third work in her series of Resident Evil novelizations."
  • "Resident Evil: City of the Dead, a 1999 book (novel?) written by author S. D. Perry, is a more direct adaptation of the narrative, and was the third release in her series of Resident Evil novelizations."
• "The mobile game Resident Evil: Uprising contains a condensed version of the Resident Evil 2 story, adapted by Megan Swaine."
  • I understand the comic book and novel adaptations getting coverage, but this seems like too much information to me. Might want to just axe this sentence.
• "which serves as a reimagining of the original Resident Evil 2 plot, using key scenes from the game's four scenarios."
  • "which reimagines the original Resident Evil 2 plot while retaining key scenes from the game's four scenarios."
• "a full-fledged remake of the game"
  • He could be referring to a "full-fledged remake of Resident Evil 5", with this structure. I'm not sure how to make it clearer without repeating "Resident Evil 2" once again, which isn't optimal. Any ideas?
• "which were centered on the characters of Sherry and Ada, respectively."
  • The sentence is fine without this, I think. Their names make it pretty obvious what they're about, and including this final part makes the whole sentence run on too long.
• "Sherry gets separated from Claire while fleeing from masked soldiers that were sent by Umbrella to kill any remaining witnesses of the viral outbreak."
  • "Sherry is separated from Claire while fleeing from Umbrella soldiers sent to kill all witnesses of the viral outbreak."
• "Sherry ends up seeking refuge in the neighboring town of Stone Ville, and eventually escapes to Canada with the help of a girl named Meg ..."
  • "Sherry seeks refuge in the neighboring town of Stone Ville, and later escapes to Canada with the help of a girl named Meg ..."
• "Ada intercepts the delivery of the locket to Loire Village in France, and kills Hunk and his men."
  • "Ada intercepts the delivery of the locket to Loire Village in France, and kills Hunk and his men."
• "Along with a unit of the French Air Force sent to burn down the village, she encounters Christine Henry, an Umbrella facility director. Christine gave Hunk the order to deliver the G-virus to France."
  • "Along with a unit of the French Air Force sent to burn down the village, she encounters Christine Henry, the Umbrella facility director who gave Hunk the order to deliver the G-virus to France." I notice in the diff that you just changed it from this. However, I think this is better than having two sentences.
• "with the G-virus to be able to stop Jacob."
  • "with the G-virus to give himself the power to stop Jacob."
• "deciding to quit the spy business and to return to him."
  • deciding to quit the spy business and to return to him."
• "The two drama albums are not acknowledged in later series releases, with the story arcs continued differently instead: Sherry is taken into custody by the U.S. Government immediately after the events of Resident Evil 2, and Ada keeps the pendant with the G-virus and resumes her activities as a spy; Hunk successfully delivers a separate G-virus sample to Umbrella."
  • "The two drama albums are not acknowledged in later series releases. The characters' story arcs are continued differently instead: Sherry is taken into custody by the U.S. Government immediately after the events of Resident Evil 2, and Ada keeps the pendant with the G-virus and resumes her activities as a spy. Hunk successfully delivers a separate G-virus sample to Umbrella."

Finished! It took quite awhile, but I think the results are worth it. Drop me a line when you renominate the article and I'll support it as a peer reviewer. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 20:48, 8 June 2011 (UTC)

Changed basically all of these save for the Uprising sentence (which seems weird to omit, given that all other adaptations are mentioned, and that the article says "several games"). Many, many thanks for taking the time to put together this very, very, very long and thorough review. I'll read the article one last time tomorrow, then I'll renominate. Again, thank you for your great efforts. Prime Blue (talk) 23:40, 8 June 2011 (UTC)

Hey, no problem. I had a lot of fun. If fate ever conspires to make you attempt FAC again, and you need a VG copyeditor, feel free to hit me up. I've had both good and difficult experiences while copyediting; this was definitely in the former category, and it'd be fun to work with you again in the future. Good luck at FAC. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 05:38, 9 June 2011 (UTC)