Wikipedia:Peer review/Jon Burge/archive1

Jon Burge

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to bring it up the quality scale. I think I need some organizational advice.

Thanks, TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:00, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

LinguistAtLarge

I'm no expert, but here is my opinion:

1. It is unclear to me why there are 3 infoboxes in the article with 3 different variations on the name Jon Burge
   1. Which box would you like to see in the lead (military or police). I could eliminate/merge the first one.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:39, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
      1. At Template talk:Infobox Person we are working on a template change which should help to merge multiple templates.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 02:37, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
2. I would like to see the lead be shorter-- maybe 1/2 to 1/3 as long as it is now.
   1. I felt comfortable chopping about 15%.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:16, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
3. It would be nice if a GFDL-compatible photo could be procured to add to the article.
   1. There was nothing to be found from common sources.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:33, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
4. I'd like to see the Arrest section expanded with more details.
   1. It is fairly complete now.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:09, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
5. The photos of the Governer and Mayor seem distracting to me, but that's a personal opinion, get more input on that before removing them.
   1. In the GA review these pictures were considered better than none at all.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:33, 28 December 2008 (UTC)
6. I would change the first sentence, since he is retired and so no longer a police commander:

Change this:

Chicago Police Commander Jon Graham Burge (born December 20, 1947) is a decorated United States Army veteran and a former Chicago Police Department detective ...

To this:

Jon Graham Burge (born December 20, 1947) is a decorated United States Army veteran and a former Chicago Police Department detective and commander ...

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:36, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

 LinguistAtLarge  23:59, 26 December 2008 (UTC)