Wikipedia:Peer review/Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale/archive1
Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
Thanks for all comments, DrKiernan (talk) 08:46, 20 June 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Generally quite well done article, assume this will be going to GAN (already seems to be GA level) or FAC soon. Here are my comments, mostly nit picks:
- Lead should be three paragraphs per WP:LEAD. Perhaps the second paragraph could be split, with the new third paragraph starting at Albert Victor's intellect, sexuality, and sanity have been the subject of much speculation. Given the amount of text devoted to it, I would make explicit mention of the Cleveland Street Scandal in the Lead. The many Titles, styles, honours and arms might also merit a mention of some sort - see WP:WEIGHT
- "a couple of" seems fairly folksy, perhaps just "two", i.e. After
a couple of[two] unsuccessful courtships, ... - This seems awkward Mary married instead his younger brother, George, who became King George V in 1910. how about just Mary later married his younger brother, George, who became King George V in 1910.?
- Second paragraph of Early life needs a reference, as perhaps does the last sentence of the first paragraph. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
- References to his godparents are inconsistent, some are name and title, others are title only. I think it would read better it were name and title, so for one example ... his great aunt (by marriage) Alexandrine of Baden, the Duchess of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, ... Not sure if "of Baden" is needed there.
- Perhaps give his age when his brother was born to emphasize their closeness, perhaps something like When Albert Victor was not quite 17 months old, his brother, Prince George of Wales, was born on June 3, 1865.
- Could these sentences be combined to something like Though he learned to speak Danish, progress in other languages and subjects was slow,[4] and Albert Victor never excelled intellectually.?
- Second paragraph in Education section is very long - perhaps split it at The brothers were parted in 1883;...
- Would it help to spell out what exactly is meant by Of his private life, a childhood friend of Albert Victor later recalled: "his brother officers had said that they would like to make a man of the world of him. Into that world he refused to be initiated."[23] (that they wanted him to have sex with a woman (presumably a prostitute) but he refused)
- Would it make more logical sense / improve the narrative flow to move the sentence Under police interrogation, the rentboys and pimps revealed the names of their clients but Albert Victor was not among them.[25] after the sentence Letters exchanged between the Treasury Solicitor, Sir Augustus Stephenson, and his assistant, The Hon. Hamilton Cuffe, make coded reference to Newton's threats to implicate Albert Victor.[27]? This would put all of the rumors and Newton's possible role in them together, then follow it up with the lack of testimony by the rentboys (I would link this) and pimps.
- I think it never hurts to explicitly deny false accusations - so could there be some statement like While this statement was untrue regarding Albert Victor, Arthur Newton, Somerset's solicitor, was convicted of obstruction of justice ...
- Would it make sense to add something like and less than six weeks before his wedding date to the sentence He developed pneumonia and died at Sandringham House in Norfolk on January 14, 1892, less than a week after his 28th birthday. I also note that it was only about six weeks after his engagement - they moved fast in those days!
- I would identify J K Stephens as his former tutor - probably OK to link his name again. I searched for his name in the article to figure out who he was and why his death seems linked to AV's.
- In the Legacy section I think it would help to give years for some of the statements to put them into context. So for example The exact nature of his "dissipations" is not clear, but in 1994 Theo Aronson favoured the theory on "admittedly circumstantial" evidence that the "unspecified 'dissipations' were predominantly homosexual".[29] or later Albert Victor's reputation became so bad that Philip Magnus called his death a "merciful act of providence" in 1964, supporting the theory ... This is already done nicely in Allegations that Prince Albert Victor may have committed, or been responsible for, the Jack the Ripper murders were first made in print in 1962.[86]
- While the note (Keeping in mind that fast travel between cities was impossible in 1888.) is OK, would it be better to cite the travel time by train between London and Balmoral in 1888 (assuming that is available)? I imagine it took many, many hours.
- In the "Popular culture" section, many of these references have to be put into context better. See WP:PCR. I assume that all of the examples in the first paragraph portray him as somehow responsible for or involved in the Jack the Ripper murders, but the article does not make this clear enough (at least for me on a first read). Perhaps The Jack the Ripper conspiracy theories surrounding Prince Albert Victor have led to his portrayal in fiction as somehow responsible for or involved in the murders. I would also make it clearer that all of these except the graphic novel are films (or seem to be).
- For the novels, I would just give the author, title and year, then give the full publication information in footnotes - i.e. do not include the publisher in the main text for Victor I: King and Joker (1976) and Skeleton-in-Waiting (1989).
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:19, 24 June 2008 (UTC)