Wikipedia:Peer review/Tyla (album)/archive2

Tyla (album)

Previous peer review

Second PR since the first one did not go well. I would hint that I have had a lot of help from several mentors (here and [here + here]) to improve the quality of the article. Reference assessment would be very much appreciated. dxneo (talk) 00:32, 23 September 2024 (UTC)

I'm not a FAC reviewer, so just a few comments, intended as an extension of GAN.

• In an interview with Nandi Madida on Apple Podcasts, Tyla said that she wanted to Kickstart her album with a South African sound. this is a strange sentence:

• Why is there a random sentence in this paragraph about the start of the album
• Why is kickstart capitalised?
• Why is it important to mention that the interview was on Apple Podcasts?

• Tyla released her debut single "Getting Late" later that year
• Tyla directed the music video for "Getting Late"
• a recording that plays in the background add "consisting of" to the start of this
• Tyla stated that she wanted to Kickstart the album kickstart capitalised again

Okay, I'll leave it there. Thanks Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:43, 24 September 2024 (UTC)

Hello Rollinginhisgrave, thanks for review, you are appreciated. I have addressed the issues you've raised. About "a random sentence in this paragraph about the start of the album," I like to take reference from from multiple viewpoints. I was adviced to add it on the lead on one mentorship program. Thoughts? dxneo (talk) 11:08, 24 September 2024 (UTC)

Sure, it appears out of place to my eye, but it could very well just be me. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:11, 24 September 2024 (UTC)

Comments by Paper Luigi

As courtesy for your contribution to my peer review request, here are my thoughts on how this article can be improved:

General

• I suggest using the script at User:Evad37/duplinks-alt to identify and remove any wikilinks that appear more than once after the lead. The script will add a link on the sidebar that adds a red border around them.

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Lead

• The first paragraph is much shorter than the other two paragraphs in the lead. The last paragraph may even be too lengthy.

Since this is second PR (and informally, it is the fourth), I was advice to expand the lead paragraphs a few weeks ago and take reference from 1989. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• the album includes guest appearances - Is there a music-specific term that can be substituted for "guest appearances" here? Maybe "contributing vocals"?

 Done but producers did provide some additional vocals and I'm guessing those are "contributing vocals" too. Oh and Kelvin Momo is a record producer, I've undone the edit. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Tyla was supported by four singles - Five song titles are listed after this statement and in the infobox.

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• "Water", which peaked at number 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, and received multi-platinum certificates in many countries - How many countries? It's better to be specific than not. No comma is needed after the word "chart" as what follows is part of the same clause. Also, do other bodies besides the RIAA certify albums as platinum?

I think it's safe to keep it as multiple, since certifications are likely to change any time. Not sure what you mean by "do other bodies besides the RIAA certify albums as platinum?" dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• The Tyla Tour was announced, some dates of which were cancelled due to injuries and some were rescheduled. - The "Promotion" section details that both the cancellation of the North American tour and the rescheduling of the UK and European tours were due to injuries.

I think that's what it is saying there, any suggestions? dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Target is the retailer, I'm assuming. It appears 8 times in the readable text, including citations, but the name is never wikilinked.

I could not find a Wikipedia page and looking at other articles, I'm assuming there isn't any. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Epic Records is wikilinked in the body but not the lead.

It is, always has been. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• To promote the record, she hosted pop-up shows in several counties including England and Japan, and she made live performances in multiple countries also. - "Several", "multiple", and "also" don't contribute much. The word "counties" appears, but I'm sure this is a typo that should read "countries". England is not a country; it is part of the UK. This portion could be rewritten as "Tyla promoted the record by hosting pop-up shows and live performances in countries such as the UK and Japan."

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• In the third paragraph, Billboard 200 is prefaced by U.S., but in the paragraph before this, Billboard Hot 100 is not.

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Background and release

• The Japanese version was released on 7 August 2024 by Sony Music Entertainment Japan. - The wikilink to special edition seems misleading and unnecessary.

Please explain how and why? dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Tyla was originally scheduled for release on 1 March 2024,[14] she had extended the album-submission date to work with the Nigerian singer Tems on the song "No.1",[15] the album was released on 22 March that year[16] by FAX Records and Epic Records,[17] in South Africa by Sony Music South Africa,[18] and by Since '93 and RCA Records in the United Kingdom. - This needs to be divided into multiple sentences.

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

• In "Water", Tyla sings about a woman's longing to feel a squirting climax. - The cited source states that "fans online" offer this as "a theory", a concept which "Travis Scott didn't lean into".

Suggestion? I mean, multiple sources do say that's the meaning behind it. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Promotion

• The UK and European leg of the tour - The Tyla Tour article lists only one concert date in the UK, which is part of Europe.

I don't know what you mean, but I like to take reference from the sources. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Critical reception

• Writing for Rolling Stone, Will Hermes writes - There's redundancy here.

 Done dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

I'm not familiar with the article's subject, but maybe there's some value in my observations. I didn't make it through the entire article because there were too many issues with it. — Paper Luigi ^{T • C} 06:47, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Two reviewers before you said it was actually in good shape. However, if you say so, then I'll wait for you to raise more concerning issues Thank you so much. You are appreciated. dxneo (talk) 08:45, 26 September 2024 (UTC)