User talk:HG1/workshop/AoIA restructured editing

Please use this page to (1) suggest changes to the current restructuring and subheadings, and (2) especially to propose neutral leads for each subsection. Thanks for your collaboration! HG | Talk 14:42, 10 September 2007 (UTC)

List of initial edits and suggestions

Thanks to 67.98.206.2 for removing the template and categories. For suggesting: "====Military service, inter-religious marriage, and property ownership===="

In addition, this user proposed deleting the words "Operation Defensive Shield". Proposed edits on the disengagement plan section. Proposed this lead rewrite:

Allegations of Israeli apartheid make the case that that the separate roads, infrastructure, legal rights, and access to land and resources afforded to Palestinian and settler populations in the Israeli-occupied territories, or even the alleged second-class citizenship of Arab citizens of Israel,[1] constitute a system of apartheid. David Matas argues that the allegations are a form of political slander intended to malign Israel by singling it out, and say that legitimate Israeli security needs justify the practices that prompt such comparisons to the South African Apartheid regime.[2]. In relation to the situation within Israel itself, some columnist in an article entirely in Hebrew also points to substantial rights that Arab citizens, like other Israeli citizens, enjoy — including suffrage, the ability to hold public office, and freedom of speech—that were not available to the blacks of South Africa.[11]

—Preceding unsigned comment added by HG (talk • contribs) 08:21, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

I think the intro we currently have is superior in terms of NPOV. This intro provides one sentence to state the thesis of those who use the comparison and two to its refutation. The wording is also much more awkward that what we currently have. Tiamut 11:22, 11 September 2007 (UTC)

Hi. For Part B, BYT suggested a revision to: Usage of "Israeli apartheid" and its variants as a talking point, slogan, or epithet. I think this would require more conversation, either here or the article talk page. So I've reverted for now. Hope you understand, BYT. Thanks. HG | Talk 22:40, 11 September 2007 (UTC)