Talk:Laundromat (song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)

Review arriving soon... Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:49, 25 November 2016 (UTC)

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 14:31, 25 November 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• Nivea, from her → Nivea for her

• I have reworded the first sentence to avoid the repetition of the word "album" in the first two sentences. Aoba47 (talk) 23:58, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

• The song was released → you've already used "song" before

• Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 23:58, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

• third single from the album → you've already used "album" before

• Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 23:58, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

• Through which label was the song released?

• Added. Aoba47 (talk) 23:58, 27 November 2016 (UTC)

• wrote and produced the song → you can maybe use "track" here?

• Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• with lyrics that revolve → and lyrically revolves

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• Link "critical response" to music journalism

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• The choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner did received → However, the choice of Kelly as Nivea's duet partner received

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• that Kelly had sexual relations → you can use "he" here

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• In the United States, it peaked at at number 20 → you jump here from one complete different topic to another. Please introduce this, like "Commercially, the recording peaked in the United States at number 20

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• and number 58 → and at number 58

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• I think you should mention the Hot 100 first

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• mention that Hot R&B Songs is a component chart of Billboard

• I am not sure that this is necessary as it is covered through the wikilink, and it would seem unnecessarily detailed to give a definition of the chart in the lead. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• of number thirty-three → of number 33

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• In the music video → In the accompanying music video

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• one of the worst music videos → use "visuals" instead of "music videos" here

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• allegations of Kelly having sexual relations with underage girls. → Kelly's allegations. (you described which allegation these are in the second para already)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• July 29, 2013 → we don't need an exact date for such an event in the lead; reword to "In July 2013"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• campaign. Knowles received → campaign, eventually, receiving

• Done. Did not use "eventually" as I did not find it appropriate as the reviews were conducted immediately after the performance. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• Zomba Records → never use "records" in infoboxes

• Removed. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

• Instead of writing R. Kelly two times, only list his last name (Kelly) the second time

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 16:03, 29 November 2016 (UTC)

Background and release

• Unlink Kelly here

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• and Nivea served as executive producers for the single → You used both "served" and "single" before; alternate

• Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Following the commercial success of "Don't Mess with My Man",[4] it was released → Subsequently, following the single's commercial success, it was distributed

• Partially done. I believe that "Don't Mess with My Man" needs to be stated again as "the single" can be read to refer to either "Laundromat" or "Don't Mess with My Man".

• from American singer Nivea's self-titled debut album → from Nivea's eponymous debut studio album; unlink "Nivea" here

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• It was sent to was sent to → It was additionally sent to

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• playlists, even while "Don't Mess With My Man" was still receiving heavy airplay. → playlists alongside "Don't Mess With My Man"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• The CD single → A CD single (we don't know about the CD until now)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 17:13, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Composition and lyrical interpretation

• a R&B → an R&B (reads a'rendbe)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• twenty-three seconds → 23 seconds

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• who appears as an uncredited feature → whose vocal delivery is uncredited

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• The song is composed → you've already used "song" before

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Its instrumentation → The track's instrumentation

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• an electric piano and an acoustic piano → an electric and acoustic piano.

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• as well as the rest → as well as on the rest

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• that it's → that its

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• who viewed it as an example of a slow jam → who saw it as →→an example of slow jam

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• In the lyrics, the → In the lyrics, a

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Unlink "chorus"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• lyrics: "You're a lying → lyrics, "You're a lying

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• a ..." → a [...]"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• In the chorus, Kelly sings the following laundry-related lyrics: "Soap → For the refrain, Kelly sings the laundry-related lyrics, "Soap

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Audio sample > Nivea – "Laundromat" → Only the song's title

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Audio sample > A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly sings the chorus. The lyrics features references to doing laundry. → A 15-second sample of the song, where Kelly delivers vocals for the refrain. The lyrical content of the track is laundry-related.

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Critical reception

• Taylor concluded by saying that it was a → The review concluded that the single was a

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• YouKnowIGotSoul.com → Remove the ".com", as well in the source

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• from the album → from Nivea

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Add release year in brackets for "Don't Mess with the Radio"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• metaphor. it pointed to → metaphor, it pointed out

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Vibe's Laura Checkoway, however, viewed → However, Vibe's...

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Kelly having sexual → him having sexual

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Writer Mark Anthony Neal agreed with Checkoway, and expressed → Echoing this thought, writer... (because it sounds like they know each other and agree)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• discomfort to taking → discomfort in taking

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Picture > The inclusion of R. Kelly received some negative reactions, while Fuse praised his vocals on the chorus → Kelly's (unlink him) (pictured) contribution to the song received mixed response from media outlets.

• Done. I do not believe (pictured) is necessary as he is the only one in the image. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Commercial performance

• Following its release → Upon its release (sounds better)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• found minor success → experienced minor success

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• In the week of → For the week ending

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Billboard Hot 100. It stayed on the chart → Billboard Hot 100, remaining in the chart

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• it also peaked at number 20 → use "reached number 20" here for alternation

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• and stayed on the chart for twenty weeks → and was present in the chart for 20 weeks

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• It appeared → It further appeared

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• of number thirty-three → at number 33

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• UK Singles chart → UK Singles Chart

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• two weeks on the chart → two weeks in the chart

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• It was Nivea's second top-40 entry → It marked Nivea's second top 40 entry

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• with Mystikal "Danger → with Mystikal on "Danger

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 20:34, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Music video

• The music video was released → An accompanying music video for the song premiered (sound better)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• For a majority of the video, → Over the rest of the visual

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• the video was released as a part of a CD single, with the radio edit → the clip was included on a CD single alongside the radio edit

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• "Laundromat' and a remix of → comma before "and" as a new idea starts here.

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• It was listed as one of the "6 Worst Music Videos Shot in Laundromats" by Phoenix New Times's Troy Farah, who simply described it as "Ewww" → place this at the end of this section

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Kelly's parts → Kelly's vocal delivery (you've already used "parts" before)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• as a DJ → as a disc jockey

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• for Kelly's 2002 → for the latter's 2002 (word rep.)

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• In the article → In his article

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Mark Anthony Neal → you've already mentioned his full name in the "Critical reception" section; re-word to "writer Neal concluded"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• choose → past tense

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Solange Knowles version

• Boerum Hill. It was a part of → Boerum Hill, as part of

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• and The Fader; it was also performed as a part of the → and The Fader; and the

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Knowles performed the song as a part of a medley with American experimental rock band Dirty Projectors' track "Stillness Is the Move". She sang it while dancing on top of washing machines; she attributed her performing style to the location, explaining: "This laundromat has me feeling the drama queen, so excuse my theatrics". → The song was sung in a medley with... (YEAR OF RELEASE) while dancing on top of washing machines. Concerning this, the singer confessed, "..."

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• both of Nivea and R. Kelly's parts, while accompanied → both Nivea's and Kelly's parts, while being accompanied

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• The song was altered → Additionally, the song was altered

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• TheDrop.fm → Remove ".fm" here and in the source, as well

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• 31 best covers of 2013. The website commended → 31 best covers of 2013, further praising

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• her vocals, but also wrote: "we love → her vocal delivery, but also writing, "we love

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• listened to the song → use "track" for example here for alternation

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• add year of release in brackets for her studio album

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Formats and track listings

• It is sufficient if you rename this section to "Track listing" only

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:43, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• flawless ;)

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Charts

• flawless ;)

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Release history

• U.K. → United Kingdom

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• U.S. → United States

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Unlink labels and remove "Records", respectively

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Please remove "!scope="row" for dates

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Move references to the countries, respectively

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• Use "rowspan="3" for multiple instances of "CD single"

• Done. Aoba47 (talk) 21:44, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Other stuff

Copy-violation

• 18.7% is perfect!

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Images

• Images perfectly illustrate the article.

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

Links

• No problems here!

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

References

• As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article.
• No dead links! Good job!

• Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

@Aoba47: Review is ready! Please ping me once you're ready. Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:19, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• @Cartoon network freak: Thank you for the review; I have made all the revisions. Aoba47 (talk) 21:45, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

• @Aoba47: Gladly passing! Best and congrats, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:48, 4 December 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.