Talk:Winter white dwarf hamster/GA1
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: GRAPPLE X 19:23, 16 August 2011 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
Never done a biology article here, so if I'm going about it wrong don't be afraid to correct me.
- Is it reasonably well written?
- A. Prose quality:
- Few little niggles. I'll fix anything that I know how to, but stylistic things that you and I might differ on I'll list here.
"the length of the tail is five to 15 millimetres, and the hind legs are eleven to fifteen millimetres." -> use either the numerals or the word for both instances of 15, but one of each in the same sentence should be corrected.
"In males, the body weight ranges from 19 grams (0.67 oz) to 45 grams (1.6 oz), and in females, 19 grams (0.67 oz) to 36 grams (1.3 oz)" -> it would flow better as prose to have these ranges be written as "19 to 45 grams (0.67 to 1.6 oz)", although there's nothing technically wrong with how they are. Just my opinion so ignore it if you prefer the current wording.
In addition to the natural, as "ruddy" or "agouti" and designated dominant inherited staining occur in captivity for more colours." -> I'm not really sure what this means. I assume you mean that hamsters in captivity display more varied colours than wild ones? I think that could be clarified.
Done - I think. Puffin Let's talk! 20:01, 16 August 2011 (UTC)
- Few little niggles. I'll fix anything that I know how to, but stylistic things that you and I might differ on I'll list here.
- B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
- The body of the article is fine for MOS, but the lead isn't. It contains a lot of information not present in the rest of the article (about the furry paws, winter coats being used for camouflage, etc) and doesn't really sum up the article properly. I'd move anything not mentioned in the article down to its relevant section (taking it out of the lead, as you could just get away with a short physical description of the 'regular' hamster and then the seasonal changes), and try to include a short paragraph summarising the 'breeding' and 'pet ownership' sections - both of those could be summarised in one brief paragraph, really. Done - I think. Puffin Let's talk! 20:01, 16 August 2011 (UTC)
- The body of the article is fine for MOS, but the lead isn't. It contains a lot of information not present in the rest of the article (about the furry paws, winter coats being used for camouflage, etc) and doesn't really sum up the article properly. I'd move anything not mentioned in the article down to its relevant section (taking it out of the lead, as you could just get away with a short physical description of the 'regular' hamster and then the seasonal changes), and try to include a short paragraph summarising the 'breeding' and 'pet ownership' sections - both of those could be summarised in one brief paragraph, really.
- A. Prose quality:
- Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
- A. References to sources:
- B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
- C. No original research:
- Your citations are grand, no problem with their use. However, unless the red-linked authors are notable enough to have their own articles, I'd remove the links just for aesthetics.
- A. References to sources:
- Is it broad in its coverage?
- A. Major aspects:
- B. Focused:
- Scope seems fine to me.
- A. Major aspects:
- Is it neutral?
- Fair representation without bias:
- Article is neutral.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Is it stable?
- No edit wars, etc:
- History is stable.
- No edit wars, etc:
- Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
- Images are all commons and free so that's great. However, you have three thumbnail images in a vertical column which looks a bit off - perhaps adding them into one thumbnail frame, similar to how the two portraits are framed here, would make this look a bit better. It's entirely up to yourself, though.
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- I tried it, as you can see here, I don't think it looks good though, so I reverted it. Puffin Let's talk! 19:59, 16 August 2011 (UTC)
- Overall:
- Pass or Fail:
- Mostly the only problem with the article is the lead, so I'm going to put this on hold until that's sorted out. The rest of the issues should also be addressed but they're much lower priorities - the image thing is entirely optional, but some decision should be made about the points in 1A. If you want any help reformatting the lead, feel free to ask me about it. GRAPPLE X 19:23, 16 August 2011 (UTC)
- Pass or Fail:
Query edit
"yellow blue fawn" sounds odd to me, can someone with access to the sources check this shouldn't be two different colours such as "yellow, blue fawn". Ta ϢereSpielChequers 13:03, 5 September 2011 (UTC)
- The book says yellow blue fawn. Puffin Let's talk! 19:20, 6 September 2011 (UTC)